Irish Jokes

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cursed her. Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? The girl, crying, replied, […]

An Irishman Tim O’Rourke was walking his Irish Setter in the country side. He picked up a stick and threw it, the dog went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in a different direction and the dog once again went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw […]

Funny Irish Joke 01 Finnegin: Me wife has a terrible habit of staying up ’til two o’clock in the morning. I can’t break her of it. Sean: What on earth is she doin’ at that time? Finnegin: Waitin’ for me to come home. Funny Irish Joke 02 First Irish Farmer: “My cow fell down a […]

The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary in Ireland was dying. The Irish nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received […]

There once were two Irish men, named Shawn and Pat, who were the best of friends. During one particular night of revelry, the two agreed that when one passed on, the other would buy and spill the contents of a bottle of fine, Irish whiskey over the grave of the fondly missed and recently dead […]

An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, “I will give you three wishes.” The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, “I want a beer that never is empty.” […]

An American walks into an Irish pub and says, “I’ll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 Guinness’s in 10 minutes.” Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations. One Irish guy even leaves the bar. A little while later that Irish guy comes back and asks the American, […]

Paddy and his two Irish friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.” His second friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair […]

Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy […]

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? One less drunk.

An Irishman went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court,” said the Desk Sergeant. “No, no, no!” said the Irishman. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying […]

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn’t have a lot of money. Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said ‘Hang on, I have an idea.’ He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage. Shamus said ‘Are you crazy? […]

An American and an Irishman were enjoying a ride in the Irish countryside when they came upon an unusual sight – an old gallows. The American thought he would have a joke on his Irish companion. “You see that, I reckon,” said he to the Irishman, pointing to the gallows. “And now where would you […]

Irish One Liner Joke 01 Q. “I hear Murphy died, ” said Pat. “Was he ill long?” A. “No,” said Mick. “He died in the best of health.” Irish One Liner Joke 02 Q. “O’Ryan,” asked the druggist, “did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife Bridget’s appearance?” A. “It did surely,” replied O’Ryan, […]