Really Funny Jokes

Q: How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: That's “womyn” with a Y, and it's not funny!

A man visits the doctor’s because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: “It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this […]

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?” “No,” said his mom, “Of course not.” Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay, we can play that game again!”

What did the bra say to the hat? “You go on ahead, while I give these two a lift.”

Teacher: “Pedro, use ‘deposit’ in a sentence.” Pedro: “Easy lang ‘yon Ma’m, D’ posit is leaking.” Teacher: “No, no, no, you got it wrong, let me explain it to you further. You know …..BANK…..DEPOSIT….. see the relationship…. …BANK …….DEPOSIT…..?” Pedro: “Oh, I got it.” (na-intindihan ang ibig sabihinng teacher) Teacher: “Okey, I’ll give you another […]

How many Victorian ladies does it take to change a lightbulb? One hundred. One to replace the bulb and ninety-nine to contract consumption and die beautiful, poetic deaths

This poem was written by John Saxon (an author of math textbooks). ((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0 Or for those who have trouble with the poem: A Dozen, a Gross and a Score, plus three times the square root of four, […]

A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her, she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto tires. After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had […]

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting at that park every sunny day for over 12 years… chatting, and enjoying each other’s friendship. One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, “Please don”t be angry with me, dear, […]

John, Paul, Peter and Thomas reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room. The ones who stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their successes. John says: I am very proud of my son, he is my pride […]

Q: How many musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One, two, one, two, three, four!

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, “Nobody loves me … the whole world hates me!” Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up […]

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. “Aha,” says the engineer, “I see that Scottish sheep are black.” “Hmm,” says the physicist, “You mean that some Scottish sheep are black.” “No,” says the mathematician, “All we know is that […]

you want to hear a joke? Women’s Rights Women’s Rights Joke Submitted by anon

Why is it so difficult to find men who are caring, sensitive, and good-looking? They already have boyfriends.

Knock Knock Who’s there? Yo mama. Yo mama who? Yo blonde redneck mama who crossed the road to walk into a bar and screw in a lightbulb – you know your fat, dumb, drunk, crooked-politician lawyer mama, who pleasures 12 inch pianists.

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?” The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord […]

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!” After […]

HE: I’m a photographer I’ve been looking for a face like yours! SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours!! HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance? SHE: No, I’d like to have some pleasure too!!! HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must […]

An asian guy went to a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he sat next to the famous Hollywood director, Steven Spielberg who was already ahead by a quart of alcohol. After a couple of beers, the guy sensed that Spielberg was glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash the guy […]

How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Californians don't screw in light bulbs they screw in hot tubs.

Romantic Lines Joke 01 I love your smile, your face, and your eyes Damn, I’m good at telling lies! Romantic Lines Joke 02 I see your face when I am dreaming, That’s why I always wake up screaming. Romantic Lines Joke 03 I want to feel your sweet embrace, But don’t take that paper bag […]

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, “I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!” The Madam is astonished. “But sir, for that kind of money you could have one […]

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? Her […]