Religious Jokes

Why did Jesus cross the road? To get NAILED! Not For Loving Christians Submitted by DeAthiest

A man died and went to straight down to hell. The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place. He told the man that there were three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity. The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn’t even breathe. […]

Juan dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the American hell and asks the receptionist. Juan: “What do you have here?” Receptionist: “First we will put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then we will lay you on a […]

The priest and the rabbi were on a plane flying across the ocean when the plane developed engine trouble. Everyone was doomed. The priest turned to the rabbi and said, “Before I die there’s something that I would like to know. You being Jewish and all — have you ever tasted ham?” “Well,” the rabbi […]

John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends. One night, they both died in a terrible car accident. When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere. Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, “St. Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with […]

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, “Mama, I don’t want to go out there. It’s dark.” The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. “You don’t have […]

A Amish boy and his pa were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again, like by magic. The lad asked, “What is this, pa?” The father (having never seen an lift) responded, “I have no idea.” While […]

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit’s end as to what to […]

Christian Joke 1 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given. Christian Joke 2 A forbidden fruit will create many jams. Christian Joke 3 Come in and have your faith lifted. Christian Joke 4 Give God what’s right — not what’s left. Christian Joke 5 God answers Knee-Mail. Christian Joke 6 God didn’t promise a […]

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows […]

A little kid asks his father, “Daddy, is God a man or a woman?” “Both son. God is both.” After awhile the kid comes again and asks, “Daddy, is God black or white?” “Both son, both.” “Daddy, does God love children?” “Yes son, he loves all children.” The child returns a few minutes later and […]

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service. After the benediction, he had planned to call the couple down for a brief wedding ceremony in front of the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn’t think of the names of those who were to be married. “Will those […]

Amish Joke 01 Sign behind an Amish carriage: “Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on grass and oats. CAUTION: Avoid exhaust!” Amish Joke 02 You have just received the Amish virus. Since we have no electricity or computers, you are on the honor system. Please forward this message to everyone in your address book and then delete […]

Jesus Joke 01 Jesus was a Californian: He walked around bare foot. He never cut His hair. He started a new religion. Jesus Joke 02 Jesus was a woman: He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of guys who just didn’t get it. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice […]

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s the […]

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. “Where have you been?” God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.” Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, “What is it?” “It’s […]

There once was a flood and everyone had reached safety except for one man. He climbed to the top of his house with the water lapping at his feet. A helicopter flew over his head and hung down a rope for him to climb, but the man was deeply religious and said, “It’s alright! The […]

Religious Joke 1 A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. “Leave us alone you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as […]

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa.

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven where he's met by a reception committee of angels. After a whirlwind tour, The Pope is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, so he spends […]

A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families. “I have four boys and my wife is expecting another. One more son and I’ll have a basketball team!” said the Catholic. “That’s nothing!” said the Baptist. “I have ten boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. […]

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and she would be called “woman.” God said, “This person will cook for you and wash […]

Pamela Anderson and the Queen of England die on the same day. As they are approaching the gates of heaven, God tells them that there is only ONE spot left. Knowing this, Pamela decides to seduce God by showing her bare breasts. God looks at them and says, “Very nice.” “Does that mean I”m in?” […]

A Catholic priest and a Mormon bishop are on the same airplane and seated beside each other. “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you are not to drink coffee?” asked the priest. The Mormon bishop responds, “Yes that is still one of our beliefs.” The Catholic priest then asks, “Have you ever […]

Said the Buddhist to the hot dog vendor: “Make me one with everything.”

Teacher: We are descendants of Adam and Eve! Pupil: That’s not true! My dad said we are descendants of an Ape! Teacher: We are not talking about YOUR FAMILY!

Juan dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the American hell and asks the receptionist. Juan: “What do you have here?” Receptionist: “First we will put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then we will lay you on a […]

Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, “We don’t want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?” The mother told them, “Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours.” So the nuns left thinking, “What can I do that’s unholy?” The next day they went […]

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you're an engineer — you're in the wrong place.” So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing […]

Heaven And Hell Joke 1 A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. “Sure,” GOD says, “Go right ahead”. “OK,” the man says. “Why did you make women so pretty?” GOD says, “So you would like them.” “OK,” the guy […]