Movie And TV Joke 1
A movie producer is lying by the pool at the Beverly Hilton. His partner arrives in a great state of excitement. “How d the meeting go?” asks the first guy. “It went great,” says his buddy. “Tarentino will write and direct for six million, Mel Gibson will star for eight, and we can bring in the whole picture for under fifty million.” “Fabulous,” says the guy by the pool. “There’s just one catch,” his partner warns. “What’s the catch?” “We have to put up ten thousand in cash”.
Movie And TV Joke 2
How many film directors does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he’s done, everyone says that his last light bulb was much better.
Movie And TV Joke 3
Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say “I could’ve done that.”
Movie And TV Joke 4
Q: How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
Movie And TV Joke 5
Q: How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: It’s not a bulb, it’s a globe.
Movie And TV Joke 6
Q: How many Director’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one… but how do you get him in there with the cute, blonde?
Movie And TV Joke 7
Q: How many Director’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one more, guys, I promise.
Movie And TV Joke 8
Q: How many DP’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one, if he’s got a good crew to do it.
Movie And TV Joke 9
Q: How many DP’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. No, two. No… How many do we have on the truck?
Movie And TV Joke 10
Q: How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb A: Does it have to be a light bulb? I’ve got this neat candle holder…
Movie And TV Joke 11
Q: How many editors does it take to change a light bulb? A: If we change the light bulb, we ll have to change everything.
Movie And TV Joke 12
Q: How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin he looked doing it.
Movie And TV Joke 13
Q: How many Camera Assistants does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Five: One to do it and four to tell you how they did it on the last job.
Movie And TV Joke 14
Q: How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: “Nobody said I needed doubles on that!”
Movie And TV Joke 15
Q: How many PA’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Nine……..one to do it and eight others to wish they d been asked.
Movie And TV Joke 16
Q: How many PA does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: What’s a light bulb?
Movie And TV Joke 17
Q: How many over eager PA’s does it take to screw in a li… A: Done!
Movie And TV Joke 18
Q: How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Executive Producers don’t screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
Movie And TV Joke 19
Q: How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
Movie And TV Joke 20
Q: How many Studio Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: We don’t know. Light bulbs last longer than studio executives.
Movie And TV Joke 21
Q: How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Well, first let’s talk about the concept behind this whole “light bulb” thing.
Movie And TV Joke 22
Q: How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
Movie And TV Joke 23
Q: How many Screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: The bulbs IN and it’s staying IN!
Movie And TV Joke 24
Q: How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: WHAT?
Movie And TV Joke 25
Q: How many 1st AD’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Why are you asking me that question? Can’t you see I m busy!
Movie And TV Joke 26
Q: How many 2nd AD’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Uh…standby, I ll check on that.
Movie And TV Joke 27
Q: How many UPM’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None! If you d just make it a day exterior we wouldn’t be screwing around with all these damn light bulbs!”
Movie And TV Joke 28
Q: How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One — but it’s an 8 hour minimum.
Movie And TV Joke 29
Q: How many absurdist/surrealist comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: November.
Movie And TV Joke 30
Q: What did the Production Manager give his kids for Christmas? A: Nothing. But he promised he d make it up to them on the next one.
Movie And TV Joke 31
Q: How can you tell the dumbest actress working on a movie? A: She’s the one sleeping with the writer.
Movie And TV Joke 32
Q: How many screenwriters to make “Titanic” a good movie? A: One more than they had.
Movie And TV Joke 33
After a difficult day a struggling actor returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find a cadre of police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house. Explaining who he was he asks “What happened?” “Well,” one of the officer’s says, “It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today and while he was here he attacked your wife, assaulted your children, beat your dog and burned your house to the ground.” The actor is struck speechless, his jaw hanging open in disbelief… “My agent came to my house?”
Movie And TV Joke 34
After a difficult day a struggling actor returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find a cadre of police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house. Explaining who he was he asks “What happened?” “Well,” one of the officer’s says, “It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today and while he was here he attacked your wife, assaulted your children, beat your dog and burned your house to the ground.” The actor is struck speechless, his jaw hanging open in disbelief… “My agent came to my house?”
Movie And TV Joke 35
After a venerable career of endless, stellar successes the greatest director who ever lived is in his prime and preparing for his most ambitious project ever when he unexpectedly dies and is called home to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gate. “So sorry about your untimely death,” he tells the director. “But God himself has called you home. You see, God wants you to direct a movie for Him.” The great man is humbled, “God wants ME to direct a film?” “Yes,” St. Peter tells him. “And we’ve arranged to have the best of everything made available to you. For example, the script is by William Shakespeare.” The director is stunned, “An original screenplay by William Shakespeare?” “Yes,” St. Peter assures him, “And it’s his greatest work ever.” “Wow!” says the Director, awe struck. “Your Production Designer will be Michaelangelo. We’ve got Leonardo Da Vinci d oing the sets, your musical score will be an original work by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and your cast includes a young Laurence Olivier and the greatest actors of all time in supporting roles.” The Director can’t believe it. “This is incredible,” he says. “This will be the greatest movie ever?” St. Peter kind of shuffles his feet. “Well,” he says, “we do have one tiny little problem.” “Problem?” says the director. “What kind of a problem?” St. Peter puts his arm around the director’s shoulder, “Ya see,” he whispers, “God’s got this girlfriend…”
Movie And TV Joke 36
The producer of a low budget film is trying to convince the newly hired director of the quality of the work by telling him the big names they’ve gotten for the cast. “First of all,” he tells him, “We’ve got Gibson in the lead.” The director is surprised, “You got Mel Gibson?” “Well, no,” the Producer responds, “we got Marvin Gibson, he’s a distant cousin who lives in Queens, but he’s very up and coming. And besides, we’ve also got Redford.” “You got Robert Redford?” the director asks. “No, we got Jeremy Redford, but he’s very talented and has lots of acting experience from years of dinner theater. But,” he says enthusiastically, ” we’ve got Streisand and in a singing role.” “Barbara Streisand?” he asks. “No, Elizabeth Streisand.” The Producer responds. “But she’s got a great voice. AND we’ve got Goulet.” “You got Robert Goulet?” the director asks. “Yeah,” the producer replies glumly, “we got Robert Goulet.”
Movie And TV Joke 37
One agent stops by another agent’s table to tell him the big news: “Elvis just died!” The second agent says nothing, then starts nodding. “Good career move.”
Movie And TV Joke 38
Denied membership in an exclusive country club because he was an actor, biblical epic star Victor Mature is reported to have said “Hell, I m no actor, and I’ve got thirty movies to prove it!”
Movie And TV Joke 39
Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows? Because at last he was in the noose.
Movie And TV Joke 40
Fred: I d love to be an actress. Harry: Break a leg then! Amy: Whatever for? Fred: Then you d be in a cast for weeks.
Movie And TV Joke 41
An actor went to see a new agent one day and said, `You must have a look at my act, it really is innovative. So saying, he flew up to the ceiling, circled the room a few times and landed smoothly on the agent’s desk. `So you do bird impressions, said the agent, `what else can you do?
Movie And TV Joke 42
What’s the definition of a good actor? Somebody who tries hard to be everybody but himself.
Movie And TV Joke 43
Neighbour: Haven’t I seen you on TV? Actor: Well, I do appear, on and off, you know. How do you like me? Neighbour: Off.
Movie And TV Joke 44
A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again. `What’s the matter? asked the director. `I can’t jump from that board! said the actor. `Do you know there’s only one foot of water in that pool? Yes, said the director. `We don’t want you to drown, you know.
Movie And TV Joke 45
Why does an actor enjoy his work so much? Because it’s all play.
Movie And TV Joke 46
Why do actors like snooker halls? Because that’s where they get their best cues.
Movie And TV Joke 47
Fred: I met a really conceited actor the other day. Harry: Why do you say he’s conceited? Fred: Well, every time there was a thunderclap during the storm, he went to the window and took a bow.
Movie And TV Joke 48
Producer: Would you call your leading lady ugly? Director: Let’s just say she d look better on radio than on TV.
Movie And TV Joke 49
Q: How many movie directors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he’s done everyone thinks that his last lightbulb was much better.
Movie And TV Joke 50
Why can’t anyone stay angry long with an actress? Because she always makes up.
Movie And TV Joke 51
What kind of star wears sunglasses? A movie star.
Movie And TV Joke 52
What is an Actor? A man who tries to be everything but himself
Movie And TV Joke 53
What sort of animals make the best TV presenters ? Gnus – readers !
Movie And TV Joke 54
What do you call a fight between film actors ? Star wars !
Movie And TV Joke 55
What do you get if you cross a dog and a film studio ? Collie-wood !
Movie And TV Joke 56
Why did Captain Kirk go into the ladies toilet ? To boldly go where no man has been before !
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