Dirty Jokes

A king wanted to improve the mood of his favorite donkey, who was depressed, so he put out a proclamation that he would pay anyone in the kingdom 200 gold pieces if they could make his donkey happy. Many tried, all failed. Then a jester went in to see the donkey, and when he came […]

100 of the top dirty jokes in English on the Internet, if you can find better dirty jokes with an hilarious edge, post your jokes as a comment below. Dirty Jokes 1 What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies? Bingo Dirty Jokes 2 What is a lesbian’s favourite thing to eat? A Klondike […]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Green, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Rodney, what's your problem?” Rodney answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!” Ms. Green had […]

A little boy was in his room playing with himself, when his father walked in. “Son! If you masturbate too much, you’re gonna go blind!” “Dad,” the boy said, “I’m over here.”

How is a soy-burger like a dildo? They’re both substitutes for meat.

An elephant was walking through the jungle one day when it suddenly stepped on a thorn, wedging it between its toes. Being in too much pain to continue, the elephant lay down and began to cry. Shortly after, an ant came across the elephant and asked why she was crying. “I have a thorn in […]

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. […]

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because the sound of zippers scares away the sheep.

What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive''s wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, “…and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.”

There was this international contest for the best life insurance policy. Bob Barker was the emcee: Contestant No. 1 (from an American firm): “I will insure your child from birth to death.” Bob Barker smiles and says, “Let’s hear it for good old American values.” Audience claps. Contestant No. 2 (from a German firm): “I […]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Green, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Rodney, what's your problem?” Rodney answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!” Ms. Green had […]

This old couple is ready to go to sleep so the old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, “Why are you going to sleep on the floor?” The old woman says, “Because I want to feel something hard for a change.”

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: ''Emma come first. I come. Dennis come and Dennis come again. I come […]

One Friday, two women were sitting and talking. One woman looked up and saw her husband coming down the street with a bunch of flowers in his hand. She rolled her eyes and said, “There comes the asshole with flowers in his hand. Now he’ll expect me to spend the weekend on my back with […]

A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc that his penis has turned orange. The doctor looks at it and says, “I haven’t ever seen any thing like this before in my entire medical career. What do you do for a living? Do you work around any hazardous materials?” The man says […]

Two guys are watching a dog lick its balls and one says "Man, I wish I could do that." The other guy says, "Really? I think I'd just pet him first."

What do you call a 90-year-old man who can still masturbate? Miracle Whip!

A teacher asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Maria said, “My family went to the Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating.” The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted the word “fascinate.`” Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to Magic Kingdom. I […]

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”

Dad: “Son, what is the difference a penis and a loaf of bread?” Son: “I don’t know.” Dad: “Then remind me to never send you to the store for a loaf of bread.”

One day, Little Johnny's class was reviewing the alphabet. His teacher knew that he had an ''advanced'' vocabulary for his age, so she was trying to avoid calling on him. When the teacher asked for a word beginning with “A”, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher knew he would say “ass” so she called […]

Dirty Joke 1 An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I m sorry,” The girl tells him. “We can’t allow […]

Dirty jokes, not suitable for young children. Dirty Joke 1 ———– Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, “Well, tonight’s the night we have sex!” And so they did. As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, “My God, if I knew […]

Two junior co-eds went to the movies one night. After 15 minutes passed, one girl leaned over and whispered to her friend, “What should I do? The guy sitting next to me is masturbating.” Her friend replied, “Don’t do anything. Just ignore it.” The first girl said, “I can’t.” Her friend, “Why can’t you ignore […]