Dating Jokes

A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there was a gorgeous woman eating at the next table. He had been checking her out all night, but lacked the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly she sneezed and her glass eye went flying out of its socket towards the man. With lightning quick […]

What is the similarity between a shrimp and a man? You can enjoy all but the head. What is the similarity between a dolphin and a man? They are both said to be intelligent, but no one can prove this. What is the similarity between a microwave oven and a man? They both get hot […]

Matthew sets up Andrew to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Andrew is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before. “What do I do if she’s ugly?” says Andrew, “I’ll be stuck with her all night.” “Don’t worry.” Matthew says. “Just go up to […]

Funny Pick Up Line 1 A boy gives a girl 12 roses. 11 fake, 1 real and he says to her ” I will stop loving you when all the roses die” Funny Pick Up Line 2 A cat falls into the water & the rooster laughs. What’s the moral of the story??? A wet […]

Top Pick Up Line 1 (after sex) Damn girl, you’re like those Indy cars… You can burn 4 rubbers at once! Top Pick Up Line 2 (Approach a group of them) I’m gonna have sex with you, you, and you. Alright, who’s first? Top Pick Up Line 3 (Look down at your crotch) It’s not […]

One day Pinocchio came to Geppetto with a problem. “Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters. What can I do about this?” “Have you tried sandpaper?” Geppetto asked. Pinocchio hadn’t, so he went to try it. Pinocchio, saw Geppetto a few weeks later. “How did the problem work out with your […]

Whats the best thing about dating homeless girls? You can drop them off anywhere after a date.