Funny Jokes

Mental Health Joke 1 Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on couch: “Nonsense! No way does everyone in the world hate you — everyone in the US perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world.” Mental Health Joke 2 A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. “You […]

A young sexy female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny, Pat?” “I just saw […]

Answer Me This Joke 1 What will fall on the lawn first? An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalogue? Answer Me This Joke 2 Do steam rollers really roll steam? Answer Me This Joke 3 Why do you need a driver’s licence to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Answer Me This Joke […]

A computer scientist, a surgeon, and a civil engineer were gathered at the pub. The surgeon boasts, Surgery is the oldest technology in the world. It’s in the Bible. God removed Adam’s rib while he slept. This is clear evidence that surgery pre-dates all other technological endevors. Without so much as a beat, the civil […]

Birthday Joke 1 A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?” She said, “I d love to be ten again.” On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park – […]

Movie And TV Joke 1 A movie producer is lying by the pool at the Beverly Hilton. His partner arrives in a great state of excitement. “How d the meeting go?” asks the first guy. “It went great,” says his buddy. “Tarentino will write and direct for six million, Mel Gibson will star for eight, […]

Bicycle Joke 1 While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. “What’s in the bags?”, asked the guard. “Sand,” said the cyclist. “Get them off – we ll take a look,” said the guard. The Cyclist did […]

Hair And Bald Joke 1 A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. “I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between […]

A man went to a gift store to buy his girlfriend a pair of gloves. He had the manager try them on. She said they were perfect, so he had the manager wrap them up. When the manager gave him the gift she accidently gave him a pair of panties instead. When the girlfriend got […]

Cowboy Joke 1 The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you re only allowed one seat.” The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up […]

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn’t know what to do with him. Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. […]

Teeth Joke 1 Fan: I’ve always admired you. Are your teeth your own? Actor: Whose do you think they are? Teeth Joke 2 What did the vampire call his false teeth? A new fangled device. Teeth Joke 3 What happened to the man who put his false teeth in backwards? He ate himself! Teeth Joke […]

Funny Joke 01 Girl : Do you love me? Boy : Yes Dear. Girl : Would you die for me? Boy : No, mine is undying love. Funny Joke 02 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window! 2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor. 1st […]

Ghost Joke 1 How did the ghost song-and-dance act make a living? By appearing in television spooktaculars. Ghost Joke 2 What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost. Fasten your sheet belt. Ghost Joke 3 What do you call a ghost that stays out all night? Afresh air freak. Ghost Joke 4 Why […]

Why do hipsters have such a hard time with karate? They cant get past the white belt.

Bath Joke 1 How do vampire football players get the mud off? They all get in the bat-tub. Bath Joke 2 Which villains steal soap from the bath? Robber ducks. Bath Joke 3 Boy: Dad, dad, there’s a spider in the bath. Dad: What’s wrong with that? You’ve seen spiders before. Boy: Yes, but this […]

Zodiac Joke 1 Q: How many Arians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just the one. You want to make something of it, eh? Zodiac Joke 2 Q: How many Arians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: Arians aren’t afraid of the dark. Zodiac Joke 3 Q: How many Arians […]

History Joke 1 Woman: Why are you begging for a quarter? Beggar: I didn’t think someone like you would give me a dollar. History Joke 2 What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? They were all born on holidays. History Joke 3 What did General Patton do on Thanksgiving? […]

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “what is the opposite of joy?” “Sadness,” said the student. “And the opposite of depression?” he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. “Elation,” she […]

Easter Joke 1 What is the Easter Bunny’s favourite state capital? Albunny, New York! Easter Joke 2 What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with a famous French general? Napoleon Bunnyparte! Easter Joke 3 Where did the Easter Bunny go to college? Johns Hopkins! Easter Joke 4 Did you hear about the […]

The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company. On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself. The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card, so later he could remember how his staff “miss” him. Most people are writing […]

One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them. The first lady had a stroke, the second one had a stroke, and the third one’s arm was too short to reach.

An Emo goes to the library and asks the librarian,’Excuse me, do you have any books on suicide?’. The librarian replies,’Well, we used to, but you F**kers never bring them back!’ Library Emo Joke Submitted by Kabogga

A jock and a geek applying for the same job. The boss said, “Boys, you need to take a test before you can get this job.” So they took the test and the next day they came back to see who the boss chose. “Well,” he said, “Both of you got the same score except […]

Police Joke 1 The Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him. “Name?” “Brendan O Connor.” “Same as mine. Where are you from?” “County Cork.” “Same as me……” The policeman paused with his pen in the air. “Hold on a moment and I ll come […]

Music Joke 1 Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat minor. Music Joke 2 Q: What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won’t blow away? A: Root position cords. Music Joke 3 Q: How do you get 2 piccolos […]

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems okay but after a […]

>>Healthy Question: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? Healthy Answer: Your heart is good for only so many beats, and that’s it. Don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of […]

Dead And Dying Joke 1 A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, let it read Fred Brown died […]

Face Joke 1 What is grey and hairy and lives on a man’s face? A mousetache. Face Joke 2 Louise was watching her big sister covering her face with cream. “What’s that for?” she asked. “To make me beautiful,” came the reply. Louise then watched in silence as she wiped her face clean. “Doesn’t work, […]