Funny Jokes

What is the similarity between a shrimp and a man? You can enjoy all but the head. What is the similarity between a microwave oven and a man? They both get hot in 15 seconds. Why can’t a man be both handsome and intelligent? Because that would make him a woman. Why is a man’s […]

– Last week, I went to a furniture store to look for a decaffeinated coffee table. They couldn’t help me. – For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. – I went to a general store but they wouldn’t let […]

Car And Train Joke 1 A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell’s Angels bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spat […]

HE: I’m a photographer I’ve been looking for a face like yours! SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours!! HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance? SHE: No, I’d like to have some pleasure too!!! HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must […]

Journalist Joke 1 A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, “Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim.” The […]

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one asked, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, […]

Blind Joke 1 One day two blind men started fighting. Pretty soon a crowd surrounded them. Then one of the members of the crowd yelled out “I bet 10 bucks on the one with the knife.” Both men ran away. Blind Joke 2 Q: Why don’t blind people skydive? A: It scares the heck out […]

Bed Joke 1 Who stole the sheets from the bed? Bed buglars. Bed Joke 2 What should you do if you find a snake in your bed? Sleep in the wardrobe. Bed Joke 3 What do you call a python with a great bedside manner? A snake charmer. Bed Joke 4 What should you do […]

Dad to son: when I beat you how do you control your anger? Son: I start cleaning toilet Dad: How does that satisfy you? Son: I clean it with your toothbrush

What’s the difference between out-laws, and in-laws? Out-laws are wanted.

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. “Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?” His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, “I’ll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask […]

School Joke 1 Teacher: What’s 2 and 2? Pupil: 4 Teacher: That’s good. Pupil: Good?, that’s perfect! School Joke 2 Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is? Pupil: I expect it’s around Hadrian’s garden miss! School Joke 3 Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour? Pupil: Because it […]

Firefighter Joke 1 The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning. “Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!” “The cups man! Save the cups!” cries George. “Uh, the fire hasn’t spread to the canteen yet, sir.” Firefighter Joke 2 After the fire-truck arrived at a burning building in […]

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit…. Man: “Hi! Am I ever happy to see you.” Girl: “Hi! It seems like you’ve been here a long time. How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?” Man: “It’s been […]

A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in an upscale hamburger establishment. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his cheek, which is slowly turning […]

Women Joke 1 Why do women have smaller feet than men? – It allows them to stand closer to the sink. Women Joke 2 How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? – She starts her sentence with “A man once told me…” Women Joke 3 How do you fix […]

Military Joke 1 Coach Bobby Ross had put together the perfect Lions team. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn’t find a ringer quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night, while watching CNN, he […]