Funny Quotes

Coming up with weather puns is a breeze, though the counter argument is weather puns are snow joke! Also checkout a great selection of funny weather jokes. Funny Weather Puns Funny Weather Pun 1He was hit on the head during a hail storm and was knocked out cold. Funny Weather Pun 2How do hurricanes know […]

Things to Say at a Drive Thru Over 30 funny things to say and pranks to do at a fast food drive thru. Funny Things to Say at a Drive Thru 1After making your drive thru order ask if they take checks! Funny Things to Say at a Drive Thru 2Ask the cashier how they […]

Funny Bumper Sticker 1 8 Out Of 10 Voices In My Head Say ‘don’t Shoot’ Funny Bumper Sticker 2 99 Percent Of Lawyers Give The Rest A Bad Name Funny Bumper Sticker 3 A Man Without A Woman Is Like A Neck Without A Pain Funny Bumper Sticker 4 All Men Are Idiots, And I […]

Some of these are hilarious, a must read. AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a one-year-old to eat strained beets. ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself. APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes. BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets […]

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out. Internationally known: Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas. Is well informed: Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept. Inspires the cooperation […]

Funny Phrase 1 All men are idiots, I married their king. Funny Phrase 2 Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Funny Phrase 3 Don’t drink and drive, You might hit a bump and spill your drink. Funny Phrase 4 Hang up and drive. Funny Phrase 5 Hard work has a future payoff. […]

“Big scandal on the new ‘Survivor’ series. The white, the black and the Hispanic teams were caught cheating off the Asian team.” –Jay Leno “The hot gossip in Washington is that Condoleezza Rice might have a new boyfriend. Secretary of State Rice is being linked to Canada’s Foreign Minister, Peter MacKay. It’s gotta be awkward […]

“The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill to build a 700-mile fence along the Mexican border. Apparently, the idea is to keep Mexicans from getting back home.” –Conan O’Brien “A new season of ‘Survivor’ debuted tonight featuring the controversial idea of separating the tribes by race. The Asian tribe is called Puka Puka, the […]

– Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it! – Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time! – Do not start with me. You will not win. – You have the right to remain silent. So please shut up. – All stressed out, and no […]

100 Funny Quotes Funny Quote 01 A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Funny Quote 02 A dream catcher works, if your dream is to be gay – Demetri Martin Funny Quote 03 A penny saved is ridiculous. Funny Quote 04 After twelve years of […]

45 Funny Sex Quotes Funny Sex Quote 01 A girl’s legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part. – Redd Foxx (from Comedy Album – Huffin and Puffin) Funny Sex Quote 02 As a lover, I’m about as impressive as a magician on the radio. – Scott Roeben Funny Sex Quote […]

“Happy Birthday to Fay Wray, a wonderful actress. She was, of course, in the movie ‘King Kong’ and would have been 99-years-old today. She was famous because of her love interest with a giant ape, and, wait a minute, that’s Maria Shriver.” –David Letterman

After making a comment on the Barack Obama Jokes page basically about how great it is to be able to poke fun at presidents because we live in safe countries, I realised I can also poke fun at not so democratically elected presidents like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the Iranian president :) So here goes, Funny Mahmoud […]

Terry Pratchett Quote 01 Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead. — (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic) Terry Pratchett Quote 02 It’s going to look pretty good, then, isn’t it, said War testily, “the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocralypse.” — The Four Horsemen of the Apocralyse […]

Murphy’s Combat Laws are very funny, a fresh take on the very old Murphy’s Laws states…. Murphy’s Laws of Combat 01 A “sucking chest wound” is nature’s way of telling you to slow down. Murphy’s Laws of Combat 02 A clean (and dry) set of BDU’s is a magnet for mud and rain. Murphy’s Laws […]

Funny Court Quote: Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. Funny Court Quote: Q: How old is your son – […]

Murphy’s Laws of Work 01 All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one’s own. Murphy’s Laws of Work 02 An “acceptable” level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job. Murphy’s Laws of Work 03 Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman […]

Funny Marriage Quote 01 Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out. Funny Marriage Quote 02 Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. Funny Marriage Quote 03 Marriage is the process of […]

Funny Motto 1 A person who smiles in the face of adversity…probably has a scapegoat. Funny Motto 2 Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity Funny Motto 3 Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security. Funny Motto 4 Eagles may […]

You Work in Corporate America If Art involves a white board. You Work in Corporate America If Communication is something your group is having problems with. You Work in Corporate America If Free food left over from meetings is your main staple of your diet. You Work in Corporate America If Fun is when issues […]

– If the enemy is in range, so are you. – Incoming fire has the right of way. – Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire. – There is always a way. – The easy way is always mined. – Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. – Professionals are predictable, it’s the […]

A magazine recently ran a “funny management quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life dysfunctional managers. Here are the top ten finalists: Funny Management Quote 01 “As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and […]

– It’s impossible to believe that the sperm that created you beat out 1,000,000 others. – The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead. – If you were any more stupid, you’d have to be watered twice a week. – The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming. […]

Here are a few genuine news bloopers gleaned from American newspapers. These were taken from an article by Richard Lederer, author of “Anguished English.” Newspaper Blooper 1 A college friendship that began a year ago ended in matrimony yesterday. Newspaper Blooper 2 A purple lady’s bicycle was missing from Serendipity Lane recently. Newspaper Blooper 3 […]

Women’s Funny Profound Saying 1 A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn’t really care. Women’s Funny Profound Saying 2 Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes! Women’s Funny Profound Saying 3 I gave up jogging for […]

Funny Interesting Quote 01 Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. -Phyllis Diller Funny Interesting Quote 02 Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. […]

Funny Voicemail Message 1 Hi you reached your name and I’m not here. Leave a message.. BEEP.. Seconds later say “HAHA, that was a fake beep created by my mouth. I fooled you good!” Funny Voicemail Message 2 A is for A, B is for Beer, C is for C, D is for Drunk. Call […]