Lawyer Jokes

– The prosecutor sees your lawyer in the hall, and they high-five each other. – During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. […]

Two drug dealers were brought before a judge on drug charges. The judge said, “If, over the weekend, you persuade enough people to give up […]

Q. What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? A. One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish! Q. […]

Criminal Joke 1 Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow […]

A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under […]

The defendant stood up in the dock and said to the judge, “I dont recognize this court!” “Why?” asked the Judge. “Because you’ve had it […]

Lawyer Joke 1 A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. “Which side is it best to lie on?” she asked. “The side that pays your […]

Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School? A: A lobotomy.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50? A: Your honor.

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright […]

Three Doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ”I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.” Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ”I […]

A lawyer, an engineer and a mathematician were called in for a test. The engineer went in first and was asked, “What is 2+2?” The […]

“I have good news and bad news,” the defense lawyer says to his client. ”What’s the bad news?” The lawyer says, “Your blood matches the […]

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer. How much is it […]

What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One’s a slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling scavenger, the other is just a fish.

A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says, “Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make. “The lawyer for the […]

Funny Law 1 Anthony’s Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Funny Law 2 Bell’s Theorem: As […]

Lawyers get a lot of unjust criticism. I would remind you that it is not right to condemn a whole profession just because of 350,000 […]

Q: How many US Attorney Generals does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: I cannot recall that particular answer at this time.

What’s wrong with lawyer jokes? Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else seems to think that they’re jokes.

The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge’s chambers, demanding that the case to be reopened, […]

Judge Joke 1 The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you […]

It is the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the centre of […]

A lawyer had successfully handled a difficult law case for a wealthy friend. Following the happy outcome of the case, the friend and client called […]

Tax day — April 15 — was looming when an elderly woman showed up at the IRS. She said she required a thick stack of […]

If you laid all of the lawyers in the world end-to-end around the equator, it would be a good idea to leave them there.

A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender “Do you serve lawyers here?” “Sure do,” replied the bartender. “Good,” said […]