Marriage Jokes

A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and, if they have avocados, get six.” […]

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday. After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, “I thought […]

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in New York. The ambassador was […]

A husband and wife are watching “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire,” and the husband winks and says, “Honey, let’s go upstairs…” The wife says […]

Brittany was on her deathbed, with her husband Adam at her side. She kept trying to tell him something, but he kept saying, “Shhhh, don't […]

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several […]

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband’s best friend. They make love for hours and, afterwards, while […]

An elderly married couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink. The old man unwraps […]

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife “Mother […]

Marriage Joke 1 A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife […]

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. […]

A man and his wife were on their honeymoon. The husband took off his pants and handed them to his wife. “See if they fit.” […]

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful […]

A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up […]

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go […]

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just […]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- […]

A farmer just got married and was going home on his wagon pulled by a team of horses. When one of the horses stumbled, he […]

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging […]

Divorce Joke 1 A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?” She replied, “About […]

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, […]

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

A man wants to celebrate his wife’s Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what […]

A couple had been married for many years, and their son had gotten old enough to date. One day the boy brought a girl over […]

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. A […]

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut […]

Since the wife is eight months into her pregnancy, the husband has to sleep on the floor to avoid any chance of contact, which could […]

A sad man walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him what the problem is. “My life is awful,” the man says. “Every night, […]

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the […]

A teacher asks her class, “If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?” […]