Funny Adult Joke 1
A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits?
The blonde, because she’s 18.
Funny Adult Joke 2
A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn’t report it.
The thief was spending less then his wife.
Funny Adult Joke 3
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife’s yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in?
The dog, once he’s in, he shuts up!
Funny Adult Joke 4
Define “Egghead:”
What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
Funny Adult Joke 5
Did ya hear about the new “morning after” pill for men?
It works by changing your blood type!!
Funny Adult Joke 6
Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist?
He got the sack.
Funny Adult Joke 7
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
Funny Adult Joke 8
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer’s patients?
They hid their own eggs!
Funny Adult Joke 9
Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
He decided to stick it out for one more year!
Funny Adult Joke 10
Did you hear about the gay guy that’s on the patch?
He’s down to four butts a day.
Funny Adult Joke 11
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Funny Adult Joke 12
Did you hear about the kid napping?
Yeah, he woke up!
Funny Adult Joke 13
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
He did okay until his business fell off.
Funny Adult Joke 14
Did you hear about the new Exorcist Movie?
They got the Devil to come in to take the Priest out of the child.
Funny Adult Joke 15
Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London?
They were REALLY pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.
Funny Adult Joke 16
Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls?
They’re going to call her Old Spice.
Funny Adult Joke 17
Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed?
Yeah…now he has no ears.
Funny Adult Joke 18
Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife…
A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
Funny Adult Joke 19
Do you know how to eat a frog?
You put one leg over each ear.
Funny Adult Joke 20
Have you heard about the new ‘Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?
They’re called ‘Predickamints’
Funny Adult Joke 21
Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
Funny Adult Joke 22
How are men like noodles?
They’re always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Funny Adult Joke 23
How are women and linoleum floors alike?
You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
Funny Adult Joke 24
How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
Funny Adult Joke 25
How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
Even the pool table has no balls.
Funny Adult Joke 26
How can you tell if a novel is homosexual?
The hero always gets his man in the end.
Funny Adult Joke 27
How can you tell if you have acne?
If the blind can read your face.
Funny Adult Joke 28
How can you tell she’s a macho women?
She rolls her own tampons.
Funny Adult Joke 29
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
When his hand caught on fire.
Funny Adult Joke 30
How did the tugboat get AIDS?
It was rear-ended by a ferry.
Funny Adult Joke 31
How do lesbians handle their liquor?
By the ears. (Lick her)
Funny Adult Joke 32
How do you fuck a fat chick?
Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
Funny Adult Joke 33
How do you get four old ladies to shout “Fuck”?
Get a fifth old lady to shout “Bingo!”
Funny Adult Joke 34
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer?
When he can still step on Dolly Parton’s toes.
Funny Adult Joke 35
How do you know when a Barbie has her period?
All your tic tacks are gone.
Funny Adult Joke 36
How do you know when you are getting old?
When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Funny Adult Joke 37
How do you know when you honeymoon is over?
When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.
Funny Adult Joke 38
How do you make a snooker table laugh.
Put your hands in its pocket and tickle its balls.
Funny Adult Joke 39
How do you turn a fox into an elephant
Marry it.
Funny Adult Joke 40
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys 2 cases of beer instead of one.
Funny Adult Joke 41
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights?
10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 pussy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
Funny Adult Joke 42
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
Funny Adult Joke 43
I married Miss Right.
I just didn’t know her first name was “Always.”
Funny Adult Joke 44
If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on?
The Captains Dinghy!
Funny Adult Joke 45
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
When the kids are in college.
Funny Adult Joke 46
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Gagged
Funny Adult Joke 47
What did one tit say to the other?
I hope we get support soon or people will think we’re nuts.
Funny Adult Joke 48
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
“How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”
Funny Adult Joke 49
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
“How do you breath through something so small?”
Funny Adult Joke 50
What did the potato chip say to the battery?
If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.
Funny Adult Joke 51
What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!
Funny Adult Joke 52
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
Funny Adult Joke 53
What do an airport and a illegal abortion have in common?
The Hanger.
Funny Adult Joke 54
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
Funny Adult Joke 55
What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.
Funny Adult Joke 56
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroid’s.
Funny Adult Joke 57
What do gay kids get for Christmas?
Erection Sets.
Funny Adult Joke 58
What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common?
There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.
Funny Adult Joke 59
What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?
No ball room
Funny Adult Joke 60
What do women and police cars have in common?
They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
Funny Adult Joke 61
What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools?
A fruit stand!
Funny Adult Joke 62
What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A private tutor.
Funny Adult Joke 63
What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Funny Adult Joke 64
What do you call a truck full of dildos?
Toys for Twats
Funny Adult Joke 65
What do you call a van with 5 faggots in it?
The aids team.
Funny Adult Joke 66
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A salad shooter
Funny Adult Joke 67
What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
Funny Adult Joke 68
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ass?
A Mechanic.
Funny Adult Joke 69
What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A rumor
Funny Adult Joke 70
What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbians apartment?
Potpourri
Funny Adult Joke 71
What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag?
Speed bumps.
Funny Adult Joke 72
What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar?
A love call.
Funny Adult Joke 73
What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts.
Funny Adult Joke 74
What do you call three lesbians in bed together?
M�nage � twat.
Funny Adult Joke 75
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
A scrotum pole!
Funny Adult Joke 76
What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
Fur traders.
Funny Adult Joke 77
What do you do in case of fallout?
Put it back in and take shorter strokes.
Funny Adult Joke 78
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Yell at her.
Funny Adult Joke 79
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he is God’s gift?
Exchange him.
Funny Adult Joke 80
What do you find in a clean nose?
Fingerprints!
Funny Adult Joke 81
What do you get when you cross a brassiere with Texas?
Playtex.
Funny Adult Joke 82
What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
Dicktator
Funny Adult Joke 83
What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?
A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
Funny Adult Joke 84
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a flea?
An itchy cock.
Funny Adult Joke 85
What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A cock that stays up all night.
Funny Adult Joke 86
What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Funny Adult Joke 87
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.
Funny Adult Joke 88
What do your parents’ car and testicles have in common?
Hit either one of them and you’re grounded.
Funny Adult Joke 89
What does 70 year old pussy taste like?
Depends!
Funny Adult Joke 90
What does a poof and an ambulance have in common?
They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!
Funny Adult Joke 91
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
They’re hiring.
Funny Adult Joke 92
What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?
Push it aside and keep on eating…
Funny Adult Joke 93
What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting?
Sticks it in Olive Oyl.
Funny Adult Joke 94
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
Funny Adult Joke 95
What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say to clients as they are leaving?
Thanks for coming.
Funny Adult Joke 96
What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common ?
You don’t look down.
Funny Adult Joke 97
What doesn’t belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can’t beat a blowjob.
Funny Adult Joke 98
What goes: “CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it?”
A blind person with a rubix cube.
Funny Adult Joke 99
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him!
Funny Adult Joke 100
What happens when you kiss a canary?
You get chirpes, it can’t be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
Funny Adult Joke 101
What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhea
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