100 of the top dirty jokes in English on the Internet, if you can find better dirty jokes with an hilarious edge, post your jokes as a comment below.
Dirty Jokes 1
What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?
Bingo
Dirty Jokes 2
What is a lesbian’s favourite thing to eat?
A Klondike Bar
Dirty Jokes 3
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an “A” bra.
Dirty Jokes 4
What is better than a cold Bud?
A warm bush.
Dirty Jokes 5
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.
Dirty Jokes 6
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.
Dirty Jokes 7
What is the cheapest meat?
Deer balls, there under a buck.
Dirty Jokes 8
What is the definition of “making love”?
Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
Dirty Jokes 9
What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A bloody waste of fucking time.
Dirty Jokes 10
What is the definition of a perfect lover?
A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
Dirty Jokes 11
What is the difference between “Oooh!” and “Aaah!”?
About three inches.
Dirty Jokes 12
What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
Bachelor comes home, sees what’s in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what’s in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.
Dirty Jokes 13
What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt
Dirty Jokes 14
What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?
Snowballs.
Dirty Jokes 15
What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.
Funny Dirty Jokes
Funny Dirty Jokes 16
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
Funny Dirty Jokes 17
What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
At a hockey game you see fast pucks.
Funny Dirty Jokes 18
What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won’t call you a week later.
Funny Dirty Jokes 19
What is the difference between great literature and pornography?
Literature is frequently dusty but rarely dirty.
Funny Dirty Jokes 20
What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie?
You can eat your mom’s apple pie.
Funny Dirty Jokes 21
What is the first sign of AIDS?
A pounding sensation in the ass.
Funny Dirty Jokes 22
What is the lightest thing in the world?
A penis…even a thought can raise it.
Funny Dirty Jokes 23
What is the noisiest thing in the world?
Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.
Funny Dirty Jokes 24
What is the only game in which the more you lose, the more you have to show for it?
Strip Poker
Funny Dirty Jokes 25
What proof do we have that prostitution is recession-proof?
Everyone knows that hookers thrive on hard times.
Funny Dirty Jokes 26
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to use it.
Funny Dirty Jokes 27
What two words will clear out a men’s changing room quicker than anything else?
Nice dick!
Funny Dirty Jokes 28
What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
We’d eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
Funny Dirty Jokes 29
What’s a diaphragm?
A trampoline for dick heads.
Funny Dirty Jokes 30
What’s another name for pickled bread?
Dill-dough
Short Dirty Jokes
Short Dirty Jokes 31
What’s better than a rose on your piano?
Tulips on your organ.
Funny Dirty Joke 32
What’s brown and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven’s First Movement.
Short Dirty Jokes 33
What’s gray, sits at the bed and takes the piss?
A kidney dialysis machine.
Short Dirty Jokes 34
What’s green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
Kermit’s Finger
Short Dirty Jokes 35
What’s in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
The captains log.
Short Dirty Jokes 36
What’s red and blue with a long string?
A smurfette with her period.
Short Dirty Jokes 37
What’s soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?
Vomit
Short Dirty Jokes 38
What’s the bad news about being a test tube baby?
You know for sure that your dad is a wanker.
Short Dirty Jokes 39
What’s the best part of having a homeless girlfriend?
You can drop her off where ever you want!
Short Dirty Jokes 40
What’s the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes of silence!
Short Dirty Jokes 41
What’s the best thing about marrying a woman with leprosy?
She can only give you lip once!
Short Dirty Jokes 42
What’s the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
Male fraud.
Short Dirty Jokes 43
What’s the biggest fish in the world?
A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.
Short Dirty Jokes 44
What’s the definition of “Tender Love?”
Two gays with haemorrhoids.
Short Dirty Jokes 45
What’s the definition of a vagina?
The box a penis comes in.
Best Dirty Jokes
Best Dirty Joke 46
What’s the definition of a Yankee?
Same thing as a quickie, only you do it yourself.
Best Dirty Jokes 47
What’s the definition of eternity?
The time between when you cum and she leaves.
Best Dirty Jokes 48
What’s the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Best Dirty Jokes 49
What’s the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
Best Dirty Jokes 50
What’s the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.
Best Dirty Jokes 51
What’s the difference between a band-leader and a gynaecologist?
A band-leader fucks his singers and a gynaecologist sucks his fingers.
Best Dirty Jokes 52
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
Best Dirty Jokes 53
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.
Best Dirty Jokes 54
What’s the difference between a hamster and a cow?
Cows survive the branding.
Best Dirty Jokes 55
What’s the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!
Best Dirty Jokes 56
What’s the difference between a man and ET?
ET phoned home.
Best Dirty Jokes 57
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Best Dirty Jokes 58
What’s the difference between normal sex and anal sex?
Normal sex will make your day, anal sex will make your hole week!!
Best Dirty Jokes 59
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline?
I take my shoes of to jump on a trampoline
Best Dirty Jokes 60
What’s the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies?
I don’t have a Porsche in my garage
Hilarious Dirty Jokes
Hilarious Dirty Joke 61
What’s the difference between a ‘Spice Girls’ video and a porn video?
The porn video has better music!
Hilarious Dirty Jokes 62
What’s the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
One goes “ribbit” the other goes “rub it”.’
Hilarious Dirty Jokes 63
What’s the difference between a Trisket and a lesbian?
A Trisket is a snack cracker and a lesbian is a crack snacker!
Hilarious Dirty Jokes 64
What’s the difference between a whore and a bitch?
Whore’s fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the party except you.
Hilarious Dirty Jokes 65
What’s the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.
Hilarious Dirty Jokes 66
What’s the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A fridge doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out!
Hilarious Dirty Jokes 67
What’s the difference between big foot and your mom?
Your mom is better in bed.
Hilarious Dirty Jokes 68
What’s the difference between love and herpes?
Love doesn’t last forever.
Hilarious Dirty Jokes 69
What’s the difference between Mad Cow disease and PMS?
Nothing.
Hilarious Dirty Jokes 70
What’s the difference between medium and rare?
6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.
Hilarious Dirty Jokes 71
What’s the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
Hilarious Dirty Jokes 72
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Hilarious Dirty Jokes 73
What’s the difference between parsley and pussy?
Nobody eats parsley.
Hilarious Dirty Jokes 74
What’s the difference between pink and purple?
The grip!
Hilarious Dirty Jokes 75
What’s the difference between sin and shame?
It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.
Funniest Dirty Jokes
Funniest Dirty Jokes 76
What’s the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
Cowboy hats are for ass holes.
Funniest Dirty Jokes 77
What’s the difference between the San Diego Padres and a Prostitute?
Nothing, they both suck!
Funniest Dirty Jokes 78
What’s the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Funniest Dirty Jokes 79
What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job will still suck.
Funniest Dirty Jokes 80
What’s the hardest thing about a sex change operation?
Inserting the anchovies.
Funniest Dirty Jokes 81
What’s the hottest thing in the world?
Two rats fucking in a wool sock.
Funniest Dirty Jokes 82
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
Two test tickles
Funniest Dirty Jokes 83
What’s the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?
A police horse.
Funniest Dirty Jokes 84
What’s the speed limit of sex?
68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Funniest Dirty Jokes 85
What’s the ultimate rejection?
When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Funniest Dirty Jokes 86
What’s the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm…
Funniest Dirty Jokes 87
What’s white, smells, and can be found in panties?
Clitty litter
Funniest Dirty Jokes 88
What’s worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
Funniest Dirty Jokes 89
What’s worse then 10 dead babies nailed to one tree?
One dead baby nailed to 10 trees
Funniest Dirty Jokes 90
What’s yellow and green and eats nuts?
Gonorrhoea
Top 10 Dirty Jokes
Top 10 Dirty Jokes 91
When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
When he eats his first Brownie
Top 10 Dirty Jokes 92
Where do fags park?
In the rear.
Top 10 Dirty Jokes 93
Which is the odd one out a woman, a microwave or a fridge/freezer?
The microwave, the other two leak when they’re fucked!
Top 10 Dirty Jokes 94
Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack.
Top 10 Dirty Jokes 95
Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack, and sell it again!
Top 10 Dirty Jokes 96
Who’s the world’s greatest athlete?
The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.
Top 10 Dirty Jokes 97
Why are hangovers better than women?
Hangovers will go away.
Top 10 Dirty Jokes 98
Why are roach clips called roach clips?
Because “pot holder” was already taken.
Top 10 Dirty Jokes 99
Why are women are like tires?
There’s always a spare.
Top 10 Dirty Jokes 100
Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
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