Funny Sex Joke 1
Did you hear about the gay rabbit?
He found a hare up his ass.
Funny Sex Joke 2
Did you hear about the gay truckers?
They exchanged loads.
Funny Sex Joke 3
Did you hear about the guy who died of Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
Funny Sex Joke 4
Did you hear about the two gay guys that had an argument in the bar?
They went outside to exchange blows
Funny Sex Joke 5
Did you hear about the two gay judges?
They tried each other.
Funny Sex Joke 6
Did you hear about the two homosexual judges?
They kept trying each other.
Funny Sex Joke 7
Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for “lesbian”.
It has been changed to “vagitarian”.
Funny Sex Joke 8
Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
They’re called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
Funny Sex Joke 9
Did you know 70% of the gay population were born that way?
The other 30% were sucked into it.
Funny Sex Joke 10
Did you know they just discovered a new use for sheep in New Zealand?
Wool!
Funny Sex Joke 11
Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
Ate something.
Funny Sex Joke 12
Have you heard about the new line of Tampax with bells and tinsel?
It’s for the Christmas period.
Funny Sex Joke 13
Hear about the new gay sitcom?
“Leave it, it’s Beaver.”
Funny Sex Joke 14
Hey, what’s sticky, white and falls from the sky?
The cumming of the Lord
Funny Sex Joke 15
How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
Funny Sex Joke 16
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They are fun to ride but you don’t want your friends to find out.
Funny Sex Joke 17
How can you tell a head nurse?
She’s the one with the dirty knees!
Funny Sex Joke 18
How can you tell if a Western is homosexual?
All the good guys are hung.
Funny Sex Joke 19
How can you tell if you are in a gay amusement park?
They issue gerbils at the tunnel of love.
Funny Sex Joke 20
How can you tell if you eat pussy well?
You wake up in the morning with a face like a glazed doughnut and a beard like an unwashed paintbrush.
Funny Sex Joke 21
How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you?
When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you’re feeding a horse.
Funny Sex Joke 22
How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
One of his fingers is clean.
Funny Sex Joke 23
How did the gay break his leg at the golf course?
He fell off the ball washer!
Funny Sex Joke 24
How do men sort out their laundry?
Filthy, and filthy but wearable.
Funny Sex Joke 25
How do you confuse a female archaeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it’s from.
Funny Sex Joke 26
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
It’s not hard.
Funny Sex Joke 27
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an alter boy
Funny Sex Joke 28
How do you give a blind queer a thrill?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Funny Sex Joke 29
How do you know when a male porn star is at the gas station?
Right before the gas stops pumping he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car.
Funny Sex Joke 30
How do you know when your cat’s done cleaning himself?
He’s smoking a cigarette.
Funny Sex Joke 31
How do you know when your wife is really dead?
Your sex life is the same but your washing pile gets bigger.
Funny Sex Joke 32
How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
Give it a nipple.
Funny Sex Joke 33
How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
Call her and tell her.
Funny Sex Joke 34
How do you say 69 in Chinese?
Twocanchew (two can chew).
Funny Sex Joke 35
How do you teach a blond math?
Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.
Funny Sex Joke 36
How do you tell if a chick’s too fat to fuck?
When you pull her pants down and her ass is still in them.
Funny Sex Joke 37
How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.
Funny Sex Joke 38
How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
The best ones squirt when you eat them.
Funny Sex Joke 39
How is a woman like a road?
Both have manholes.
Funny Sex Joke 40
How is being at a singles bar different than being at the circus?
At the circus, the clowns don’t talk.
Funny Sex Joke 41
How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?
None It should be open when she brings it to you
Funny Sex Joke 42
How many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs?
One Post, two Globes, and many Times.
Funny Sex Joke 43
If your mother and father have a baby and its not your sister or your brother, who is it?
It’s you, you fucking idiot!
Funny Sex Joke 44
Three words to ruin a man’s ego…
“Is it in?”
Funny Sex Joke 45
What did Adam say to Eve?
Stand back, I don’t know how big this thing gets!
Funny Sex Joke 46
What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
I can’t see a thing with all this shit in here!
Funny Sex Joke 47
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking she’s going to eat me.
Funny Sex Joke 48
What did the blind man say as he passed the fish market?
Good morning Girls
Funny Sex Joke 49
What did the boy vampire say to the girl vampire?
See you next period.
Funny Sex Joke 50
What did the guy say to his dick after he found that the girl he’s getting ready to fuck has genital warts?
“Hang on, boy! It’s gonna be a bumpy ride!”
Funny Sex Joke 51
What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail?
I feel like a kid again!
Funny Sex Joke 52
What did the woman say to her swimming instructor?
“Will I really drown if you take your finger out?”
Funny Sex Joke 53
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
Funny Sex Joke 54
What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
They are both used as substitute meat.
Funny Sex Joke 55
What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
They can both smell it, but can’t eat it.
Funny Sex Joke 56
What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose.
Funny Sex Joke 57
What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Funny Sex Joke 58
What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
Without the hole in the middle they aren’t good for shit.
Funny Sex Joke 59
What do a Turtle and a Pedophile have in common?
They both want to get there before the ‘hair’ does.
Funny Sex Joke 60
What do you call a female clown?
A Clunt
Funny Sex Joke 61
What do you call a female police officer that shaves her pubic hair?
Cunt Stubble.
Funny Sex Joke 62
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin’ off.
Funny Sex Joke 63
What do you call a hillbilly who owns sheep and goats.
Bisexual.
Funny Sex Joke 64
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?A: Lickalotopuss.
Funny Sex Joke 65
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
Well hung.
Funny Sex Joke 66
What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?
A tearjerker.
Funny Sex Joke 67
What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
A tran-sister.
Funny Sex Joke 68
What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A lesbian with a hard-on.
Funny Sex Joke 69
What do you call an adolescent rabbit?
A pubic hair.
Funny Sex Joke 70
What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
Pimp.
Funny Sex Joke 71
What do you call an anorexic prostitute?
Lite & Easy
Funny Sex Joke 72
What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully?
Miracle whip.
Funny Sex Joke 73
What do you call two lesbians with their period?
Finger painting.
Funny Sex Joke 74
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use some lubricant.
Funny Sex Joke 75
What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Funny Sex Joke 76
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
100 people who don’t do dick.
Funny Sex Joke 77
What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
Goes-in-tight!
Funny Sex Joke 78
What does a bull do to stay warm on a bitterly cold day?
He goes into the barn and slips into a nice warm “Jersey”
Funny Sex Joke 79
What does a female snail say during sex?
Faster, faster, faster!
Funny Sex Joke 80
What does a woman’s asshole do when she is having an orgasm?
He is usually home with the kids!
Funny Sex Joke 81
What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn’t?
A navel.
Funny Sex Joke 82
What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re screwed.
Funny Sex Joke 83
What does do women and milk cartons have in common?
You gotta open the flaps to get to the good stuff.
Funny Sex Joke 84
What is the smallest hotel in the world?
A pussy, cause you have to leave the bags outside.
Funny Sex Joke 85
What’s a necrophilia’s biggest complaint about sex?
They just kinda lay there.
Funny Sex Joke 86
What’s a virgin and a balloon have in common ?
All it takes is one prick and its all over.
Funny Sex Joke 87
What’s female Viagra?
Jewellery
Funny Sex Joke 88
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.
Funny Sex Joke 89
Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be hell.
Funny Sex Joke 90
Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
Their shaky hands!
Funny Sex Joke 91
Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
So men can be open minded.
Funny Sex Joke 92
Why does a squirrel swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
Funny Sex Joke 93
Why does the bride always wear white?
Well aren’t all kitchen appliances that colour?
Funny Sex Joke 94
Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
They don’t have time.
Funny Sex Joke 95
Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
Because women wouldn’t do them if they were called cunt scrapes.
Funny Sex Joke 96
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.
Funny Sex Joke 97
Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Funny Sex Joke 98
Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.
Funny Sex Joke 99
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it’s getting interesting, they’re finished until next time.
Funny Sex Joke 100
You know why they say that eating oysters will improve a man’s sex life?
Because women know if he’ll eat one of those, he’ll eat anything!
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