Articles by Funny Joker

Waiter Joke 1 Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! Waiter: Don’t worry, Sir, it’s not that hot! Waiter Joke 2 A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. “Are you crazy?” yelled the customer, “with your hand on my steak?” “What” answers the waiter, “You want […]

A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the way, they got into a car accident and died. When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven. St. Peter tells them that he’ll do his […]

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there''s a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!” “It's not just one car,” said Herman, “It's hundreds of them!”

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurting– even the mouse. The toys were all broken, their batteries dead; Santa passed out, with some ice on his head. Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while Upstairs the family continued to snore. And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks […]

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the skies, Air defences were up, with electronic eyes. Combat pilots were nestled in ready-room beds, As enemy silhouettes danced in their heads. Every jet on the apron, each SAM in its tube, Was triply-redundant, linked to the Blue Cube, And ELINT and AWACS gave coverage so […]

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. “Where have you been?” God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.” Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, “What is it?” “It’s […]

What was Helen Keller’s favorite color? Corduroy

Biologist Joke 1 Two biologists are in the field following the tracks of a radio-collared grizzly bear. All of a sudden, the bear crashes out of the brush and heads right for them. They scramble up the nearest tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first biologist starts taking off […]

Brother And Sister Joke 1 So you are distantly related to the family next door, are you? Yes- their dog is our dog’s brother. Brother And Sister Joke 2 A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. Well, said the Scout. Mum had only one dose of […]

After making a comment on the Barack Obama Jokes page basically about how great it is to be able to poke fun at presidents because we live in safe countries, I realised I can also poke fun at not so democratically elected presidents like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the Iranian president :) So here goes, Funny Mahmoud […]

Matthew sets up Andrew to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Andrew is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before. “What do I do if she’s ugly?” says Andrew, “I’ll be stuck with her all night.” “Don’t worry.” Matthew says. “Just go up to […]

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. Honest and […]

“How have you managed to buy such a luxurious villa while your income is so low?” asked the IRS auditor. “Well,” the taxpayer answered, “while fishing last summer I have caught a large golden fish. When I took it off the hook, the fish opened his mouth and said, ‘I am a magical fish. Throw […]

Terry Pratchett Quote 01 Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead. — (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic) Terry Pratchett Quote 02 It’s going to look pretty good, then, isn’t it, said War testily, “the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocralypse.” — The Four Horsemen of the Apocralyse […]

There once was a flood and everyone had reached safety except for one man. He climbed to the top of his house with the water lapping at his feet. A helicopter flew over his head and hung down a rope for him to climb, but the man was deeply religious and said, “It’s alright! The […]

Waiter Waiter Joke 1 Waiter, waiter! Bring me a crocodile sandwich, and make it snappy!. Waiter Waiter Joke 2 A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, […]

– Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice – Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant – Fund Set Up for Beating Victim’s Kin – Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years – Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Man – Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy – Autos Killing 110 a Day–Let’s Resolve to […]

A college graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?” A college graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?” A college graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much it cost?” A college graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

Gorilla Joke 1 A man walks outside to his car for work, when he notices a gorilla in his tree. He rushs to his phone book and finds the animal control number, calls and asks them to send over someone Who’s a gorilla expert. When the man arrives, he is carrying a shotgun, a chihuahua […]

What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and legs.

The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, “What did you learn today?” The kid replies, “Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.”

A researcher arrives in Borneo to gather data for his thesis. Accompanied by his trusty guide, he seeks out a very remote locale for researching the mating behaviour of the giant rat of Sumatra. Around dusk of the first day, he’s sitting by the campfire with his guide when in the distance, he hears tribal […]

Helga was hang the wash out to dry, and then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning. ”Gootness, iss hot,” she mused to herself as the sun beat down on her. She passed by a tavern and said, ”Vy nought?” So she walked into the air conditioning and took a seat at the bar. […]

Mental Health Joke 1 Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on couch: “Nonsense! No way does everyone in the world hate you — everyone in the US perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world.” Mental Health Joke 2 A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. “You […]

What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common? In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.

Redneck Jokes 501-600 Other Redneck Jokes Redneck Jokes 1 to 100 Redneck Jokes 101 to 200 Redneck Jokes 201 to 300 Redneck Jokes 301 to 400 Redneck Jokes 401 to 500 Redneck Jokes 501 to 600 Redneck Jokes 601 to 700 Redneck Jokes 701 to 800 Redneck Jokes 801 to 900 Redneck Joke 501 You […]

A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the blackjack dealer. The BJ player said, “When I get bad cards, it’s not the blackjack dealer’s fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the blackjack dealer obviously had nothing to […]

A young sexy female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny, Pat?” “I just saw […]

Bar Joke 1 A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, I m Jesus Christ. The first priest says, No, son, I m Jesus Christ. So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest replies, Bar Joke 2 There were these […]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: “Hello” WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes.” WOMAN: “I’m at the […]