Articles by Funny Joker

A little boy was in his room playing with himself, when his father walked in. “Son! If you masturbate too much, you’re gonna go blind!” “Dad,” the boy said, “I’m over here.”

Q. What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? A. One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish! Q. What is the difference between a bearded lawyer and a catfish? A. One’s slimy and has whiskers, and the other one lives in the water.

An Irishman Tim O’Rourke was walking his Irish Setter in the country side. He picked up a stick and threw it, the dog went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in a different direction and the dog once again went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw […]

Humor Joke 1 How do you get pikachu on to a boat? You pokemon Humor Joke 2 Well, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air. He got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he walked, he came upon a hole. Wanting […]

A pipe burst in a doctor’s house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600. The doctor exclaimed, “This is ridiculous! I don’t even make that much as a doctor!” The plumber waited for him to finish and […]

If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how […]

Rabbit Joke 1 A bumble bee was chasing a rabbit. Finally the bee turned around and flew away. Why? The rabbit had two b’s already. Rabbit Joke 2 Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come from? Mother Rabbit: I ll tell you when you re older. Baby Rabbit: Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now. Mother […]

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday. After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty, four wheel drive vehicles.” “She did,” he replied. “But where am I going to find an imitation Jeep?”

Funny Animal Joke 1 A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. Funny Animal Joke 2 Although cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. Funny Animal Joke 3 An aquarium is […]

A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been traveling in circles. ”We’re lost!” One of the hikers complained. ”And you said you were the best guide in the United States.” ”I am,” the guide answered, ” but I think […]

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in New York. The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to […]

A boy told his mom, “I couldn’t sleep last night so I went into your room. Why were you jumping up and down on daddy?” His mom shocked that her son had seen his parents having sex quickly said, “Well dear, I was pushing the air out of him.” The boy replied, “Oh then you’re […]

A husband and wife are watching “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire,” and the husband winks and says, “Honey, let’s go upstairs…” The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no. So the husband says, “Is that your final answer?” The wife says yes. The husband says, “Well, can I phone […]

A teenage girl shopped at the mall and stopped at the perfume counter. She sees, “My Sin”, “Desire”, and “Ecstasy”. She says to the salesperson, “I don’t want to get emotionally involved…I just want to smell nice.”

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out. Internationally known: Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas. Is well informed: Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept. Inspires the cooperation […]

Letter Joke 59 Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into floods of tears. “What’s the matter?” asked her companion. “Oh dear,” sobbed Auntie, “It’s my favorite nephew. He’s got three feet.” “Three feet?” exclaimed her friend. “Surely that’s not possible?” “Well,” said Auntie, “his mother’s just written to […]

A teacher asks her students if they’re Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student. “Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?” “The Red Sox.” “Why’s that?” “Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I’m a Red Sox fan too.” “That’s not a good answer, Bobby. If […]

One day avant-garde violinist Malcolm Goldstein, US Ambassador to Spain Eduardo Aguirre, and television’s Tony Danza were on a jungle vacation together when they were caught by a tribal group. Before they were about to be executed, they pleaded to the Queen of the Tribe for mercy. She said, ”Get me something good to eat. […]

One evening, two Alabama State Trooper patrol cars were in hot pursuit of a Chevy Camaro going east on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect vehicle crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly. The rookie Trooper pulled over right behind him and asked, “Hey Sarge, why the heck did you stop? We […]

A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, ”I’m so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died.” The man was very upset […]

Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache […]

Two police officers saw an old woman staggering out a local bar, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with […]

Criminal Joke 1 Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was […]

Funny Phrase 1 All men are idiots, I married their king. Funny Phrase 2 Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Funny Phrase 3 Don’t drink and drive, You might hit a bump and spill your drink. Funny Phrase 4 Hang up and drive. Funny Phrase 5 Hard work has a future payoff. […]

Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, ‘I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.’ The second responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.’ The third surgeon says, ‘No, I […]

Some members of a health club were having their first meeting to discus weight loss. The director of the group said, “Now, I’d like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine.” Several fat people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously over weight members said, “I eat moderately, I drink […]

Funny Irish Joke 01 Finnegin: Me wife has a terrible habit of staying up ’til two o’clock in the morning. I can’t break her of it. Sean: What on earth is she doin’ at that time? Finnegin: Waitin’ for me to come home. Funny Irish Joke 02 First Irish Farmer: “My cow fell down a […]

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, ”Yes, I […]

Q: What''s the difference between a gynecologist and a genealogist? A: One looks up the family tree, and the other looks up the family bush.

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, “What’s up with the penguins in the back seat?” The man in the car says “I found them. I asked myself what to do […]