Articles by Funny Joker

Chat Up Line Joke 01 I love your smile, your face, and your eyes Damn, I’m good at telling lies! Chat Up Line Joke 02 I see your face when I am dreaming, That’s why I always wake up screaming. Chat Up Line Joke 03 I want to feel your sweet embrace, But don’t take […]

Blonde Joke 1 A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee’s well being, asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?” The blonde replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.” “I m terribly sorry to hear that. Why don’t you […]

A Amish boy and his pa were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again, like by magic. The lad asked, “What is this, pa?” The father (having never seen an lift) responded, “I have no idea.” While […]

Elevator Joke 1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: “Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!” Elevator Joke 2. Whistle the first seven notes of “It's a Small World” incessantly. Elevator Joke 3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?” Elevator Joke […]

Church Joke 01 Forget the denominational minimum salary, let’s pay our pastor so he can live like we do. Church Joke 02 Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew. Church Joke 03 I love it when we sing hymns I’ve never heard before! Church Joke 04 I volunteer to be the permanent […]

A man was scheduled to go before a firing squad for his crimes. The evening before his execution, he was asked what he wanted for his last meal. He refused the meal completely. The next morning the man was brought before the firing squad. When asked for his last request, the man said he had […]

The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary in Ireland was dying. The Irish nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received […]

Jimmy’s mom dragged him in front of his dad during the football game. “Talk to your son,” she said. “He refuses to obey a word I say.” The father turned to Jimmy angrily. “Jimmy, how dare you disobey your mother. Do you think you’re better than your old man?”

Beauty Joke 1 My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion. Maybe that is why she always looks so sour. Beauty Joke 2 I m not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that’s the problem – you don’t please anyone. Beauty Joke 3 Fred: What’s that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders? Harry: […]

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit’s end as to what to […]

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”. “Oh dear, what’s the bad news?” asks the patient. The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.” “That’s terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?” The doctor replies, “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

Cletus took Maynard to his first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s Bench. After the game, Cletus asked Maynard how he liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” he replied, “but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, Cletus asked, “What do you […]

A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, “I want to open a blankety-blank checking account” To which the lady replied, “I beg your pardon, what did you say?” “Listen up darn it, I said I want to open a blankety-blank checking account right now.” “Sir, I’m sorry but […]

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the dumb rowing blonde, “What do you think you’re doing? It’s things like […]

As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing. Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath. In a last act of desperation he shouts after the fire engine, “If […]

“What happened?” asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. “Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the […]

Dentist Joke 1 A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging. Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn’t all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and […]

One day, an old lady went to the Bank of Canada with a large bag full of money. The old lady insisted on speaking to the president of the Bank in order to open a savings account because, she said, she had a lot of money. After much discussion an employee took her to the […]

Lawyer Joke 1 A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. “Which side is it best to lie on?” she asked. “The side that pays your fee,” replied the doctor. Lawyer Joke 2 A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense’s […]

Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School? A: A lobotomy.

What’s the difference between an in-law and an outlaw? Outlaws are wanted.

Yo Momma so Fat Joke 01 Yo momma so fat after a night of next i rolled over and burnt my ass on the light bulb. Yo Momma so Fat Joke 02 Yo momma so fat and dumb she brought a spoon to da superbowl Yo Momma so Fat Joke 03 Yo momma so fat […]

The British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s “206’s”…. – His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. – I would not breed from this Officer. – This Officer is really […]

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died. “You know,” Mom said, “it’s not your fault that the dog died. He’s probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.” Susie, still crying, said, “What would God want with a dead dog?”

“The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill to build a 700-mile fence along the Mexican border. Apparently, the idea is to keep Mexicans from getting back home.” –Conan O’Brien “A new season of ‘Survivor’ debuted tonight featuring the controversial idea of separating the tribes by race. The Asian tribe is called Puka Puka, the […]

Christian Joke 1 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given. Christian Joke 2 A forbidden fruit will create many jams. Christian Joke 3 Come in and have your faith lifted. Christian Joke 4 Give God what’s right — not what’s left. Christian Joke 5 God answers Knee-Mail. Christian Joke 6 God didn’t promise a […]

Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. Anthony lives with a female roommate, Maria. During the course of the meal, Momma can’t help but notice how pretty Anthony’s roommate was. She had long been suspicious of the relationship between the two, and this made her more curious. Over the course of the […]

Marriage Joke 1 A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. What’s up? he says. I m having a heart attack, cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as […]

Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, “Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that’s going around?” The other cow answers, “Yeah, makes you glad you’re a penguin, doesn”t it?”

What has four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it drops out of a tree, it’ll kill you? A pool table.