Articles by Funny Joker

My wife was shopping at laredoute.co.uk and under the t-shirt section she came across a little bug. On this page laredoute.co.uk/clothing/Short-sleeved-T-shirts.aspx?CategoryId=17512698&&&Path=17512698%2f17513229%2f17513242&ChmCatId=17513242&Selected=5 there’s a top “LE COQ SPORTIF 2 in 1 T-shirt” advertised at £47.96. When you hover over the image a pop up window appears with further information, sometimes (you have to keep moving on […]

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. […]

How do you know if the head chef is a clown? When the food tastes funny.

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. He told his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take […]

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?” “No,” said his mom, “Of course not.” Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay, we can play that game again!”

An affluent couple gets into an argument over dinner. “If you could cook,” said the husband, “we could fire the chef.” “If you could screw,” replied the wife, “we could fire the driver.”

A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, please stand up.” Right away, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, “Why do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?” “I don’t, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all […]

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, “See […]

Christmas Cracker Joke 1 A Man goes to see his Doctor and says: “Doctor I have a lettuce stuck in my bottom.” The Doctors takes a look and replies: “That’s only the tip of the iceberg.” Christmas Cracker Joke 2 A Man goes to the doctor and says: “Doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck up […]

Space Joke 1 What do you call an alien starship that drips water? A crying saucer ! Space Joke 2 What do you call an overweight ET ? An extra cholesterol ! Space Joke 3 President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. “Mr. President,” said the four-star general, barely […]

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding one day when suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realize that one of them is going to have to tell Steve’s wife. Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, […]

A man and his wife were on their honeymoon. The husband took off his pants and handed them to his wife. “See if they fit.” “They don’t.” “Now you see who will wear the pants in this house.” She thought a little while, and took off her panties and asked him to try them on. […]

Vampire Joke 1 Why did the vampire attack the clown? He wanted the circus to be in his blood. Vampire Joke 2 Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for the ladies? He used to keep it in his back pocket. Vampire Joke 3 What is Dracula’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines. Vampire Joke […]

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50? A: Your honor.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows […]

A little kid asks his father, “Daddy, is God a man or a woman?” “Both son. God is both.” After awhile the kid comes again and asks, “Daddy, is God black or white?” “Both son, both.” “Daddy, does God love children?” “Yes son, he loves all children.” The child returns a few minutes later and […]

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service. After the benediction, he had planned to call the couple down for a brief wedding ceremony in front of the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn’t think of the names of those who were to be married. “Will those […]

Chuck Norris Joke 1 Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris Joke 2 Chuck Norris doesn’t stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks. Chuck Norris Joke 3 Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down! Chuck Norris Joke 4 Chuck Norris doesnt use after […]

Knock Knock Who’s there? Kenneth! Kenneth who? Kenneth little kids play with you!

Amish Joke 01 Sign behind an Amish carriage: “Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on grass and oats. CAUTION: Avoid exhaust!” Amish Joke 02 You have just received the Amish virus. Since we have no electricity or computers, you are on the honor system. Please forward this message to everyone in your address book and then delete […]

Jesus Joke 01 Jesus was a Californian: He walked around bare foot. He never cut His hair. He started a new religion. Jesus Joke 02 Jesus was a woman: He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of guys who just didn’t get it. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice […]

A guy burned two ears… so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened. He said, ”I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang… So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear…” ”But how the heck did you burn the other ear?” The doctor asked. ”They […]

Salesman Joke 1A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.“I will grant you three wishes,” announced the genie. “But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well — only double.”The salesman thought about this for […]

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals. At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first […]

Funny Horse Jokes Funny Horse Joke 1Why did the horse miss the joust? He had the knight off! Funny Horse Joke 2A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn’t show up at the church. He got colt feet Funny Horse Joke 3As horses say to one another. Any friend […]

– Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it! – Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time! – Do not start with me. You will not win. – You have the right to remain silent. So please shut up. – All stressed out, and no […]

There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country. The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmmm, I smell sausage.” The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said “Mmmmmm, […]

A woman answered her front door and found two little boys standing there holding a list. “Lady,” one of them explained, “we’re on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar.” “Wow,” the woman replied. “Who sent you […]

A bear walks into a bar and says, “I want a bourbon and ……………. coke” The bartender asks “what’s with the huge pause?” The bear says, “I’ve had them all my life.”

What did the bra say to the hat? “You go on ahead, while I give these two a lift.”