Articles by Funny Joker

This guy went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into it. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. […]

100 Funny Quotes Funny Quote 01 A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Funny Quote 02 A dream catcher works, if your dream is to be gay – Demetri Martin Funny Quote 03 A penny saved is ridiculous. Funny Quote 04 After twelve years of […]

One day Mickey Mouse woke up and Minnie wasn’t there. He went to look for her and, as he stepped outside, he saw “Mickey Sucks!” written out in a yellow liquid in the snow. He investigated and realized there was good news and bad news. It appeared to be Goofy’s urine, but Minnie’s handwriting.

There’s a big conference of beer producers. At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all the beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar. The president of ‘Budweiser’ orders a Bud, the president of ‘Miller’ orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on. […]

What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger

Farmer Joke 1 This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a rooster for $100. The neighbor says, “You can have this rooster. His name’s Roy. He ll get all your hens pregnant. He’s a real stud.” So the farmer takes him […]

Fat Joke 1 You are so fat NASA orbits satellites around you. Fat Joke 2 You are so fat you were baptized in Sea World. Fat Joke 3 You are so fat, you had your baby pictures taken by satellite. Fat Joke 4 You have so many double chins you look like you are staring […]

Mark your calendar with the multitude of holidays to celebrate. Here”s just a few of our favorites… Seasonal Affective Disorder Day: January 2 With Christmas and New Years a thing of the past, now it”s time to celebrate the long, cold, gray winter months that loom ahead. The Day the Music Died Day: February 3 […]

45 Funny Sex Quotes Funny Sex Quote 01 A girl’s legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part. – Redd Foxx (from Comedy Album – Huffin and Puffin) Funny Sex Quote 02 As a lover, I’m about as impressive as a magician on the radio. – Scott Roeben Funny Sex Quote […]

The man asks the girl if she’s afraid and she shakes her head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and she shivers; her body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be. He looks deeply within her eyes and […]

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling […]

A smart blonde, a stupid blonde and Santa Claus play poker, who wins? The stupid blonde because the other two don't exist.

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s the […]

A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he’s innocent and, if he didn’t believe […]

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he […]

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive''s wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, “…and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.”

Book Title Joke 1 How to Feed Elephants by P. Nutts Book Title Joke 2 Aches and Pains by Arthur Ritis Book Title Joke 3 The Spicy Sausage by Delia Katessen Book Title Joke 4 The Punished Schoolboy by Major Bumsaw Book Title Joke 5 The Long Walk Home by Miss D. Buss Book Title […]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: […]

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car. He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour. The chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile of running the chicken ran […]

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the […]

Internet Joke 1 What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist. Internet Joke 2 Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Exactly five hundred. 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed. 7 […]

Men Joke 1 A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the […]

“Happy Birthday to Fay Wray, a wonderful actress. She was, of course, in the movie ‘King Kong’ and would have been 99-years-old today. She was famous because of her love interest with a giant ape, and, wait a minute, that’s Maria Shriver.” –David Letterman

What did the redneck do with his his first fifty-cent piece? He married her.

Q: Why can’t dumb blondes make ice cubes? A: Because they always forget the recipe.

Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer’s day? A: I’m bacon!

Teacher: “Pedro, use ‘deposit’ in a sentence.” Pedro: “Easy lang ‘yon Ma’m, D’ posit is leaking.” Teacher: “No, no, no, you got it wrong, let me explain it to you further. You know …..BANK…..DEPOSIT….. see the relationship…. …BANK …….DEPOSIT…..?” Pedro: “Oh, I got it.” (na-intindihan ang ibig sabihinng teacher) Teacher: “Okey, I’ll give you another […]

There is a Bar in Calumpang who have has a Horse and they have a contest of it. Whoever will make the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free drinks. So a man from Manila comes in and the Bartender looks at him and he ask for a beer and he ask the Bartender about […]

Animal Truism Joke 01 I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult? Animal Truism Joke 02 If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them. Animal Truism Joke 03 In order to keep a true perspective of […]

Three Doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ”I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.” Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ”I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.” Doctor Ahn says, ”I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable.”