Articles by Funny Joker

Two retired professors were vacationing with their wives at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting on the veranda one summer evening, watching the sun set. The history professor asked the psychology professor, “Have you read Marx?” To which the professor of psychology replied, “Yes and I think it's these pesky wicker chairs.”

The post graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?” The post graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?” The post graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?” The post graduate with a Philosophy degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

Old Age Joke 1 Q: Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair? A: She wanted to rock and roll Old Age Joke 2 An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags […]

A man walks into a pub and says, “Give me three pints of Guinness, please.” So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold, […]

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. “Why?” asks the father. “The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ and I said ‘6’” “But that’s right!” “Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?’” “What’s the blankety-blank difference?” “That’s exactly what I said!”

Elephant Joke 1 Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant’s toes? A: Slow clowns. Elephant Joke 2 We re going to play elephants and circuses, said a little boy at kindergarten, Do you want to join in? I d love to, replied the teacher. What do you want me to do? Elephant Joke 3 […]

How many Victorian ladies does it take to change a lightbulb? One hundred. One to replace the bulb and ninety-nine to contract consumption and die beautiful, poetic deaths

Aardvark Joke 1 What is uglier than an aardvark? Two aardvarks! Aardvark Joke 2 What does the aardvark call his dog? Aard-bark! Aardvark Joke 3 What is the difference between an aardvark and a coyote? One has a long smeller, the other, a loud yeller! Aardvark Joke 4 Who loves hamburgers, French fries, and ants? […]

A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, "If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to […]

Barack Obama Jokes have come a long way, from the great black hope for black African Americans to the IT joke that was the launch of Obama-Care, we’ve seen it all. Barack Obama Jokes Obama Joke 01 Bill Clinton said, “I didn’t inhale.” Barack Obama says, “I didn’t inject.” Obama Joke 02 Richard Nixon said […]

Women claim that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because: 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless. 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem. 4. […]

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the masked Halloween party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there […]

A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation. “What’s the matter?” he was asked. He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.” “She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?” “She […]

Redneck Jokes 401-500 Other Redneck Jokes Redneck Jokes 1 to 100 Redneck Jokes 101 to 200 Redneck Jokes 201 to 300 Redneck Jokes 301 to 400 Redneck Jokes 401 to 500 Redneck Jokes 501 to 600 Redneck Jokes 601 to 700 Redneck Jokes 701 to 800 Redneck Jokes 801 to 900 Redneck Joke 401 You […]

The old family physician of a small town being away on vacation, entrusted his practice to his son – a recent medical student. When the old doctor returned, the young doctor told him amongst other things, that he cured Miss Jones, an aged and wealthy spinster, of her chronic wind. “My boy,” said the old […]

Food Joke 1 Q. What did the salt say to the pepper? A. Hey Baby, What’s SHAKING! Food Joke 2 One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasn’t happy about that: “When […]

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.” The second lady says, “You think that’s […]

Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants. As I was demonstrating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said, “You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?” “Yes,” I replied, “That is a good analogy.” […]

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink. He replied, “No thanks. I don’t drink. I tried it once, but I didn’t like it.” So the bartender said, “Well, would you like a cigarette?” But the man […]

Fishing Joke 1 Bob is sitting on the ice all day fishing with no luck, not even a nibble. Cold and tired he is about to leave, when a guy walks up cuts a hole in the ice beside him, and starts pulling out fish as fast a he can drop his hook in the […]

Reporter: There are many allegations for your disqualification in election. One allegation says you are not a Filipino citizen. Another allegation says your father is a Spaniard and your mother is an American. Another allegation is you are an illegitimate child. Candidate: Who are these alligators?

There was this international contest for the best life insurance policy. Bob Barker was the emcee: Contestant No. 1 (from an American firm): “I will insure your child from birth to death.” Bob Barker smiles and says, “Let’s hear it for good old American values.” Audience claps. Contestant No. 2 (from a German firm): “I […]

Yo mama so ugly, when she was in labor the doctor asked which end!

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn’t allow dogs. There was no place to safely secure the dogs, so they started thinking of ideas to get in the […]

A manager at a General Store is teaching a young, newly hired boy how to sell people more than they really want. Suddenly, a man walks in asking for a bag of lawn seed. The manager walks up to him and says, “Of course. But you will be wanting a lawn mower, too, right?” The […]

Yo Mama Joke 1 Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said “Moving.” Yo Mama Joke 2 Yo mama so poor she can’t afford to pay attention! Yo Mama Joke 3 Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell […]

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old guys were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale. The driver pleaded with him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed […]

A dumb blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The dumb blond […]

Yo Mama’s so dumb i told her Christmas was around the corner, and she went lookin’. Yo Mama’s so dumb I told her she lost her mind, and she started looking for it. Yo Mama’s so dumb she got locked in a toilet and pissed herself. Yo mama’s so dumb, she stuck the phone up […]

There once were two Irish men, named Shawn and Pat, who were the best of friends. During one particular night of revelry, the two agreed that when one passed on, the other would buy and spill the contents of a bottle of fine, Irish whiskey over the grave of the fondly missed and recently dead […]