Jokes about dead babies are an acquired taste, if you find dead baby jokes distressing please do NOT read these jokes, go to the clean baby jokes section instead.
Best Dead Baby Jokes
Best Dead Baby Joke 1
How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
Best Dead Baby Joke 2
How do you spoil a baby?
Leave it out in the sun.
Best Dead Baby Joke 3
How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it’s head.
Best Dead Baby Joke 4
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Pour gas over it and light a match. Woof.
Best Dead Baby Joke 5
How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
Best Dead Baby Joke 6
If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, is it still hilarious?
Best Dead Baby Joke 7
What do babies and an Etch A Sketch have in common?
If you don’t like how it looks, you can shake it until it goes away
Best Dead Baby Joke 8
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.
Best Dead Baby Joke 9
What is a foot long, blue, and makes women scream in the morning?
Cot death.
Best Dead Baby Joke 10
What is black and charred?
A baby chewing on an extension cord.
Best Dead Baby Joke 11
What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?
One live one in the middle is eating its way out.
Best Dead Baby Joke 12
What is red and creeps up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
Best Dead Baby Joke 13
What is red and hangs around trees?
A baby hit by a snow blower.
Best Dead Baby Joke 14
What is red and has more brains than the baby you just shot?
The wall behind it.
Best Dead Baby Joke 15
What is the definition of fun?
Playing fetch with a pitbull and a baby.
Best Dead Baby Joke 16
What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.
Best Dead Baby Joke 17
What is the difference between a dead baby and a water melon?
One’s fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one’s a water melon.
Best Dead Baby Joke 18
What is the difference between a deer and a baby?
I don’t have a deer head mounted above my mantle.
Best Dead Baby Joke 19
What present do you get for a dead baby?
A dead puppy.
Best Dead Baby Joke 20
What’s the difference between a baby and a pizza?
A pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven.
Sick Dead Baby Jokes
Sick Dead Baby Joke 1
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!
Sick Dead Baby Joke 2
How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 3
How do you prevent a baby from exploding in the microwave?
Poke holes in it with a coat hanger.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 4
How do you save a drowning baby?
Harpoon it.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 5
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 6
How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it in case it explodes.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 7
What do a dead baby’s head and a bottle cap have in common?
They come off easier if you twist them.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 8
What do you call a 30 week-old preemie?
An Appetizer.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 9
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 10
What do you call two abortions in a bucket?
Blood brothers.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 11
What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?
Hold on. I’ll tell you in a second.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 12
What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 13
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 14
What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
Twins in an acid bath.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 15
What is a foot long and can make a woman scream?
Stillbirth.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 16
What is pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 17
What is the worst part about killing a baby?
Getting blood on your clown suit.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 18
What’s pink and spits?
A baby in a frying pan.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 19
Why do they boil water when a baby is being born?
So that if its born dead they can make soup.
Sick Dead Baby Joke 20
What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.
Funny Dead Baby Jokes
Funny Dead Baby Joke 1
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.
Funny Dead Baby Joke 2
How do you make a man pregnant?
Stick a dead baby up his ass!
Funny Dead Baby Joke 3
How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine’s Day?
You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a bouquet of roses up his ass.
Funny Dead Baby Joke 4
How do you turn a baby into a cat?
Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw. Meeow.
Funny Dead Baby Joke 5
How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
4 1/2.
Funny Dead Baby Joke 6
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
Funny Dead Baby Joke 7
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob
Funny Dead Baby Joke 8
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying in a ditch?
Phil.
Funny Dead Baby Joke 9
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on a beach?
Sandy.
Funny Dead Baby Joke 10
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on your porch?
Matt.
Funny Dead Baby Joke 11
What do you call a dead baby, a rat, 6 week old bread and a gherkin?
A Big Mac.
Funny Dead Baby Joke 12
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!
Funny Dead Baby Joke 13
What does a bum call a dead baby in a dumpster?
A Freeloader.
Funny Dead Baby Joke 14
What has 4 legs and one arm?
A Doberman in a children’s playground!
Funny Dead Baby Joke 15
What is better than a dead baby?
The revoked child-support.
Funny Dead Baby Joke 16
What is black and goes up and down?
A baby in a toaster.
Funny Dead Baby Joke 17
What is black and white, runs around the room, and smokes?
A baby with his hair on fire.
Funny Dead Baby Joke 18
What is more fun than shoveling dead babies off your porch?
Doing it with a snow blower.
Funny Dead Baby Joke 19
What is pink and goes black with a “hiss”?
A baby thrown into a furnace.
Funny Dead Baby Joke 20
What is pink, flies and squeals?
A baby fired from a catapult.
Horrible Dead Baby Jokes
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 1
How are babies and the elderly alike?
Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 2
How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it’s head.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 3
How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 4
What do babies and baseballs have in common?
The neighbor gets angry when you throw them through their window.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 5
What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 6
What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall?
Art.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 7
What happens when you burn baby’s face off?
It makes weird noises and crawls into walls.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 8
What has 10 arms and blood all over it?
A pitbull in a maternity ward.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 9
What is black and sits in a corner?
A baby with it’s finger in a power socket.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 10
What is cold, blue and doesn’t move?
A baby in your freezer.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 11
What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A baby chewing on razor blades.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 12
What is red and hangs out of the back of a train?
A miscarriage.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 13
What is the difference between a baby and a dart-board?
Dart-boards don’t bleed.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 14
What is the difference between a baby and a onion?
No one cries when you chop up the baby.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 15
What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it’s hair with a potato peeler!
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 16
What’s 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
Crib death.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 17
What’s blue and bloated and floating in your beer?
A dead baby with fetal alcohol syndrome!
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 18
What’s bright blue, pink, and sizzles?
A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 19
What’s funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.
Horrible Dead Baby Joke 20
What’s sicker than driving over a dead baby?
Skidding.
Bad Dead Baby Jokes
Bad Dead Baby Joke 1
What is red and pink and can’t turn round in a corridor?
A baby with a javelin through its throat.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 2
What is the difference between a dead baby and a granola bar?
About 500 calories.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 3
What is the difference between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
The VHS tape don’t stink when you leave it out in the sun
Bad Dead Baby Joke 4
What wiggles spits and is covered in shit?
An inside out baby!
Bad Dead Baby Joke 5
What’s blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 6
What’s blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 7
What’s blue and sits in the corner?
A baby in a baggie.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 8
What’s blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 9
What’s brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 10
What’s funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
Bad Dead Baby Joke 11
What’s got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 12
What’s grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 13
What’s harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a dead puppy.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 14
What’s more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
Sticking pins in their eyes.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 15
What’s more fun than stapling babies to a wall?
Ripping them off again.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 16
What’s more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 200km/h?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 17
What’s pink and chunky?
A baby with leprosy.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 18
What’s pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 19
What’s purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 20
What’s red and dances all around?
A baby on a barbecue
Bad Dead Baby Joke 21
What’s red and goes round and round?
A baby in a garbage disposal.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 22
What’s red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that’s been playing with a chainsaw.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 23
What’s red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A baby in a microwave.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 24
What’s red, screams and goes around in circles?
A baby with its foot nailed to the floor.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 25
What’s small, and red, and full of holes?
A baby on a bed of nails.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 26
What’s small, and shiny, and blue?
A baby with a plastic baggy over its head.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 27
What’s the best sound in the world?
Hearing dead baby’s hips crack under pressure!
Bad Dead Baby Joke 28
What’s the difference between a baby and a bagel?
You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 29
What’s the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
I don’t have a Cadillac in my garage.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 30
What’s the difference between a dead baby and a felt tip marker?
You don’t get second looks when you’re writing with a felt tip marker!
Bad Dead Baby Joke 31
What’s the difference between a dead baby and a golden delicious apple?
You don’t have to bleed the golden delicious apple before you take a bite out of it
Bad Dead Baby Joke 32
What’s the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup?
The dead baby won’t stick to the roof of your mouth.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 33
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 34
Why did the family take the dead baby along on the cookout?
So they could light it and toast their marshmallows.
Bad Dead Baby Joke 35
Why do you put babies into blenders feet first?
So you can see the expression on their faces.
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