Accountants might be dull and boring, but it’s so much fun making jokes at the expense of accountants. Enjoy over 75 jokes related to accountants.
Funny Accounting Jokes
Funny Accounting Joke 1
An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: “This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old”.
“Where did you get this exact information?”
“I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old.”
Funny Accounting Joke 2
What is a Budget?
An orderly system for living beyond your means.
Funny Accounting Joke 3
What’s an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
Funny Accounting Joke 4
Why accountants don’t read novels?
Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
Funny Accounting Joke 5
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch.
“I need someone with an accounting degree,” says the man, “but mainly I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.”
“How do you mean?” says the accountant.
“I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters.”
“OK,” says the accountant. “How much are you offering?”
“You can start on seventy-five thousand,” says the owner.
“Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?”
“That,” says the man, “is your first worry.”
Funny Accounting Joke 6
Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.
While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, “What is this?” to which accountant number one replies, “it’s that $50 I owe you.”
Funny Accounting Joke 7
A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant.
The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions. “Was he tall or was he short?”
The businessman replies, “Both!”
Funny Accounting Joke 8
The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time.
The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach.
Suddenly she piped up, “Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?”
Funny Accounting Joke 9
Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing: “He’s such a sensitive child. Let’s wait until he’s older before we tell him you’re an accountant.”
Funny Accounting Joke 10
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Want to hear an accountant joke?”
The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I’m 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I’m an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6 2″ tall, 225 pounds, and he’s an accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?”
The first guy says, “No, I don’t want to have to explain it twice.”
Accounting Jokes Dirty
I’m labeling these dirty accounting jokes, but they are pretty tame jokes. No surprise really, they are about boring accountants, what did you expect?
Dirty Accounting Joke 1
Why do accountants make good lovers?
They’re great with figures.
Dirty Accounting Joke 2
A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: “Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary.”
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: “Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.”
Dirty Accounting Joke 3
What’s the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.
Dirty Accounting Joke 4
What’s the definition of unlikely?
A photo-spread in Playboy titled The World’s Top Accountants – Nude!
Tax Jokes for Accountants
I know it’s hard to believe, but a small minority of tax accounts have an actual sense of humour and will find these accounting tax jokes funny! Nah, just pulling your leg, accountants have no sense of humour, there’s no funny bone function on a abacus.
Tax Jokes for Accountants 1
What’s the definition of a good tax accountant?
The accountant has a tax loophole named after them!
Tax Jokes for Accountants 2
Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child: “No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn’t be tax deductible, but I like your thinking”.
Tax Jokes for Accountants 3
Three partners in an accounting firm go out to lunch. They are the audit partner, the tax partner and the senior partner. One of them sees a brass lamp lying in the gutter. Curious, they pick it up and give it a rub.
Instantly, a genie appears. “You know the deal,” says the genie. “Three wishes. But seeing there are three of you, you can have one wish each.”
“Great,” says the audit partner. “Take me to the Whitsunday Islands, give me a blonde and an endless supply of XXXX and leave me there for ever.”
Pouf! There is a flash of light, a puff of smoke and he is gone.
“Now me,” says the tax partner. “Take me to the Cook Islands, give me two blondes and an endless supply of offshore tax schemes and leave me there for ever.”
Pouf! There is a flash of light, a puff of smoke and he is gone. The genie turns to the senior partner. “And what do you want?”
“I want those two back in the office straight after lunch.”
Tax Jokes for Accountants 4
How can you tell when the Chief Tax Accountant is getting soft?
When he actually listens to Marketing before saying No
Tax Jokes for Accountants 5
Who was the first tax accountant?
Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first tax liability.
Tax Jokes for Accountants 6
What do tax accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?
Depreciation.
Tax Jokes for Accountants 7
What do you call a tax accountant without a spreadsheet?
Lost
Tax Jokes for Accountants 8
Why do tax accountants get excited on Saturdays?
They can wear casual clothes to work
Tax Jokes for Accountants 9
What would Economics be without assumptions?
Tax accounting
Tax Jokes for Accountants 10
What’s a shy and retiring tax accountant?
A tax accountant who is half a million shy and that’s why he’s retiring.
Great Accountant Jokes
Great Accountant Joke 1
There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can’t.
Great Accountant Joke 2
A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day’s work.
After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation.
His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message: “Debits in the column toward the file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window.”
Great Accountant Joke 3
There once was an accountant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win situation.
One day while walking down the street she was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
“Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had an accountant make it this far and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in.” said the accountant.
“Well, I’d like to, but I have higher orders. What we’re going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in .”
“Actually, I think I’ve made up my mind… I prefer to stay in Heaven”
“Sorry, we have rules…” And with that St. Peter put the accountant in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and the accountant found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends – fellow accountants that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.
They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing.
The accountant was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
“Now it’s time to spend a day in heaven.”
So the accountant spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
“So, you’ve spent a day in hell and you’ve spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity.”
The accountant paused for a second and then replied, “Well, I never thought I’d say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell.”
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again the accountant went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth.
She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
“I don’t understand,” stammered the accountant, “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.” The Devil looked at her and smiled. “That’s because yesterday you were a recruit, today you’re an associate.”
Great Accountant Joke 4
A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant.
Her friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire an accountant a short while ago?”
The business owner replies, “That’s the accountant I’ve been searching for.”
Great Accountant Joke 5
How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
“What kind of answer did you have in mind?”
Two, one to change the light bulb and one to check that it was done within the given budget.
Great Accountant Joke 6
What’s the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
Great Accountant Joke 7
Why did God invent economists?
So accountants could have someone to laugh at.
Great Accountant Joke 8
What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?
His desk is level
Great Accountant Joke 9
How do you know accountants have no imagination?
They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.
Boring Accountant Jokes
Boring Accountant Joke 1
When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realises he doesn’t have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
Boring Accountant Joke 2
If an accountant’s wife cannot sleep, what does she say?
“Darling, could you tell me about your work.”
Boring Accountant Joke 3
What’s an actuary?
An accountant without the sense of humour.
Boring Accountant Joke 4
Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?
They find bookkeeping too exciting.
Boring Accountant Joke 5
What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?
Invite an accountant.
Boring Accountant Joke 6
What does an accountant use for birth control?
His personality.
Boring Accountant Joke 7
What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
The accountant knows he’s boring.
Boring Accountant Joke 8
What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone?
Popular
Boring Accountant Joke 9
Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party: “…….and ninthly…”
Boring Accountant Joke 10
What’s an accountant’s idea of trashing his hotel room?
Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
Good Accounting Jokes
Good Accounting Joke 1
Why did he cross back?
So he could charge the client for travel expenses.
Good Accounting Joke 2
How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb?
How many did it take last year?
Good Accounting Joke 3
How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
Hmmm……..I’ll just do a few numbers and get back to you
Good Accounting Joke 4
Laws of Accounting
1. Trial balances don’t
2. Bank reconciliations never do
3. Working Capital does not
4. Return on Investments never will
Good Accounting Joke 5
An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three identical parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs $500.”
“Why does that parrot cost so much?” asks the accountant.
“Well,” replies the owner, “it knows how to do complex audits.”
“How much does the middle parrot cost?” asks the accountant.
“That one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the first one can do plus it knows how to prepare financial forecasts”.
The startled accountant asks about the third parrot, to be told it costs $4,000.
Needless to say, this begs the question, “What can it do?”
To which the owner replies “To be honest, I’ve never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner.”
Good Accounting Joke 6
An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn’t prove it.
He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin.
Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load.
On every occasion there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip.
On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath. Nothing. He could never find anything amiss.
After a few months of this the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned. A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in.
On an impulse the auditor went up to him and said, “Look, I’ve left the company, I’m not interested in taking it any further and I won’t shop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?”
And the bloke said “Tarpaulins.”
Good Accounting Joke 7
The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for.
“Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
“Well, how does this sound?
Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometres, say a Mercedes convertible.”
The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. “Wow. Are you kidding?”
“Yeah. But you started it.”
Good Accounting Joke 8
A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to “The Unknown Soldier”. At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: “Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg”.
The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name.
The resident replied, “As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, but as an accountant-Oy! He was something.”
Good Accounting Joke 9
When do accountants laugh out loud?
When somebody asks for a raise
Account Manager Jokes
Account Manager Joke 1
An auditor was examining the balance sheet of a mining company that had just bought a sheep station in the Pilbara area of Western Australia. The reason for the purchase was partly for the thousands of acres that the station covered and partly for the thousands of sheep that ranged over those thousands of acres.
The auditor, being very diligent, noted that the value of the sheep formed a significant asset and, like all good auditors, knew that he would have to verify that asset. He chartered an aircraft and flew up to the station.
The manager was at the airstrip to meet him.
“Hello,” he said. “I’m the auditor. I’ve come to count the sheep.”
Account Manager Joke 2
What does FCPA stand for?
Finally Caught Pinching the Assets
Account Manager Joke 3
A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, “What is two and two?”
The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was “Twenty-two.”
The second was a social worker. She said, “I don’t know the answer but I’m glad we had time to discuss this important question.”
The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.
The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four.
The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, “How much is two and two?”
The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, “How much do you want it to be?”
He got the job.
Account Manager Joke 4
What does CPA stand for?
Can’t Produce Anything
Account Manager Joke 5
Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.
Account Manager Joke 6
The auditors have just left, sir. “Did they check the books?”
“Very thoroughly.”
“What did they say?”
“They want 15% to keep quiet.”
Account Manager Joke 7
The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and has called him in to chastise him.
“How could you possibly advise the client in the way you did?
That was completely unethical. We are always conscious of Ethics in this firm. You do know what Ethics is don’t you?”
The young partner is offended. “Of course I know what Ethics is. It’s a county in southern England.”
Account Manager Joke 8
An auditor is checking the books of an airline. He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Melbourne to Canberra flight. He rings up the pilot and asks for an explanation.
“It was late at night says the pilot, Canberra was covered in fog and I lost my bearings.”
“I’m sorry,” says the auditor, “but you’ll have to bear the cost yourself.”
“The cost of what?” asks the pilot.
“Of the bearings you lost.”
Account Manager Joke 9
A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops and chats for a while and then says, “Tell you what, I’ll bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in that flock.”
The farmer thinks for a moment, it is a big mob and he can’t see how anyone could guess correctly so he says, “OK. you’re on.”
“Nine hundred and thirty two,” says the man.
The farmer takes off his hat and scratches his head. “I don’t know how you did it but that’s exactly right. A bet’s a bet. Take any sheep.”
The man picks up an animal and is about to walk off when the farmer says, “Hang on. Bet you double or nothing that I can guess your occupation.”
The man thinks, “How would he know, he’s never met me before” and says “Righto. you’re on”.
The farmer says, “you’re an auditor with a Big Four firm.”
The man whistles “How the heck did you know that?”
“Well,” says the farmer, “put my dog down and I’ll tell you.”
Account Manager Joke 10
How many account managers does it take to change a light bulb?
What sort of answer did you have in mind ?
None-just assume it’s changed.
Funny Accountant Jokes
Funny Accountant Joke 1
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.”
“Have you tried counting sheep?”
“That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”
Funny Accountant Joke 2
A patient was at her doctor’s office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, “I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.”
The patient asked, “Oh doctor, what should I do?”
The doctor replied, “Marry an accountant.”
“Will that make me live longer?” asked the patient.
“No,” said the doctor, “but it will SEEM longer.”
Funny Accountant Joke 3
How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
Funny Accountant Joke 4
What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?
It’s 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait – 13 seconds, no wait – 14 seconds, no wait……
Funny Accountant Joke 5
A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, “I’m a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We’re here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?”
The owner replies, “I don’t have an opinion. I’m a chartered accountant.”
Funny Accountant Joke 6
The accountant’s prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tomorrow at 10.53:16 am, Eastern Daylight Saving Time.
Funny Accountant Joke 7
The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient. “This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart.”
The patient is pleased. He asks, “What were their jobs?”
“One was a teacher and the other was an accountant.”
“I’ll take the accountant’s heart,” says the patient. “I want one that hasn’t been used.”
Funny Accountant Joke 8
How do you know when an accountant’s on holidays?
He doesn’t wear a tie to work and comes in after 8.30.
Funny Accountant Joke 9
Mr Evans was the Chief Accountant of a large manufacturing concern. Every day, on arriving at work, he would unlock the top drawer of his desk, peer at something inside, then close and lock the drawer. He had done this for 25 years.
The entire staff was intrigued but no-one was game to ask him what was in the drawer.
Finally the time came for Mr Evans to retire. There was a farewell party with speeches and a presentation.
As soon as Mr Evans had left the building some of the staff rushed into his office, unlocked the top drawer and peered in. Taped to the bottom of the drawer was a sheet of paper.
It read, “The debit side is the one nearest the window.”
Funny Accountant Joke 10
Once upon a time there was a beautiful oil company. All day long she loved to run up and down the share price list, laughing and skipping. But one day she was very sad, because she couldn’t find an interim dividend anywhere and she knew people would be very angry if she couldn’t produce it.
“What’s wrong, little oil company?” said a gruff voice nearby.
She looked around and there was a funny little creature with spectacles, a bald patch and shaving cuts.
“I can’t find a dividend,” she said and started crying again.
“Don’t worry,” said the creature. “I can find you one.”
“How?” said the oil company, “And who are you?”
“I’m an accountant,” he said. “As for how I do it, never you mind about that. But there’s one condition. If I do find it for you, you must agree to let me stay with you.”
“Yes, yes!” she said, anxious only to get the dividend.
The accountant disappeared into some books nearby and stayed there for a while. She could hear him muttering and tut-tutting and transferring accounts. Then he emerged and put his long sloping hand into hers. “I’ve found you a dividend,” he said.
Her usual cheerfulness returned in an instant and she rushed off to tell her father, the Chairman. She forgot all about the accountant until he followed her in and reminded her of her promise; despite all her tears, her father insisted that she keep her word and that night the little accountant slept on the floor beside her bed.
The next morning she opened her eyes and to her amazement she saw the accountant was exactly the same as he had been before. “I know what you’re thinking,” smiled the accountant. “you’re quite right. Before I was changed into an accountant I was a handsome young man with a devil-may-care attitude and considerable joie de vivre.”
“Then change back!” said the oil company, clapping her hands.
“Are you crazy?” said the accountant. “Handsome young men are two a penny but clever, ugly little accountants are worth their weight in gold.”
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