A bus isn’t just a vehicle for traveling from point A to point B, it’s also a great place for sleeping, meeting weird and scary people late at night on the night bus and of course useful to keep warm when the government has cut welfare payments to the elderly! Oh, and here’s some bus jokes…
Funny Bus Jokes
Funny Bus Joke 1
A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man’s supper and began whining and jumping up at him.
“Do you mind if I throw him a bit?” said the man to the lady.
“Not at all,” she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it over a wall.
Funny Bus Joke 2
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Funny Bus Joke 3
As the bus came to the stop, the man at the front of the queue took out his eye, threw it up in the air and caught it before getting on the bus.
An amazed conductor said, What on earth did you do that for?
I wanted to know if there was room on top, replied the man.
Funny Bus Joke 4
Bus passenger: I’d like a ticket to New York, please.
Ticket seller: By Buffalo?
Bus passenger: Of course not, I’m in the bus queue, aren’t I?
Funny Bus Joke 5
Conductor, do you stop at the Savoy Hotel?
Not on my salary!
Funny Bus Joke 6
Conductor, this bus was very slow!
Oh, I expect we’ll pick up speed now you’re getting off!
Funny Bus Joke 7
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus?
He got tired.
Funny Bus Joke 8
Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but didn’t hurt yourself?
Yes – I was trying to get to the back of the bus.
Funny Bus Joke 9
Have you heard that all the buses and trains are stopping today?
No. Is there a strike?
No, they’re stopping to let the passengers off.
Funny Bus Joke 10
How can you kill an idiot with half a dollar?
Throw it under a bus.
Funny Bus Joke 11
I’m not saying I hate you, but if you got hit by a bus I’d be driving that bus.
Funny Bus Joke 12
I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, “Don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection”… But she did!
Bus Pun 1
What do you call a bloke with a bus on his head?
Bus Pun 2
Do buses and trains run on time?
No, they don’t. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks.
Bus Pun 3
Does this bus stop at the River Thames?
If it doesn’t there’ll be a very big splash!
Bus Pun 4
How do eels get around the seabed?
They go by octobus.
Bus Pun 5
Have you seen the bus website?
Yes – it’s just the ticket!
Bus Pun 6
What “bus” crossed the ocean?Columbus.
Bus Pun 7
I couldn’t get my fridge to work today, so I took the bus instead.
Bus Pun 8
What did the bus conductor say to the frog?
Bus Pun 9
What do monsters play when they are in the bus?
Bus Pun 10
Why couldn’t the skeleton pay his bus fare?
Because he was skint.
Bus Pun 11
What sort of public transport do superheroes use?
Bus Pun 12
Do they have a conductor on electric buses?
Bus Pun 13
I hopped on a bus earlier today.
After a while, the driver told me to sit down like everyone else.
Bus Pun 14
I often get a 147 when I play snooker.
It’s the bus that stops outside the hall.
Bus Pun 15
Ticket inspectors; you’ve got to hand it to them.
Bus Driver Jokes
Bus Driver Joke 1
A friend of mine got a job as a bus driver because he was so good at telling people where to get off.
Bus Driver Joke 2
A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was pushed off by the people inside.
“There’s no room”, they said. “It’s full up!”
“But you must let me on!” shouted the man.
“Why, What’s so special about you?” they asked.
“I’m the bus driver”, replied the man!
Bus Driver Joke 3
Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver.
Witch: Well, I won’t stand in your way.
Bus Driver Joke 4
Didn’t like being a bus driver.
I was convinced people were talking behind my back.
Bus Driver Joke 5
I lost my job for giving up my seat on the bus for someone.
Apparently you’re not supposed to do that when you’re the driver.
Bus Driver Joke 6
Is everyone in the bus? asked the driver before he closed the door.
No, called a lady, wait until I get my clothes on.
All the passengers in the bus turned towards the door to look at the woman.
She got on with a bag full of laundry.
Bus Driver Joke 7
My friend always went the extra mile at work.
That’s why he lost his job as a bus driver.
Bus Driver Joke 8
Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York?
Driver: Which part?
Passenger: All of me, of course!
Bus Driver Joke 9
Today was a really bad day.
First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a bus driver!
Bus Driver Joke 10
What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold?
One knows the stops, the other stops the nose.
Bus Driver Joke 11
What’s the difference between a bus driver and a cold?
A bus driver knows the stops, and a cold stops the nose.
School Bus Jokes
School Bus Joke 1
Do your school buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
School Bus Joke 2
How did the explorers get to school?
They rode the Colum-bus!
School Bus Joke 3
Janet: What’s the difference between a cake and a school bus?
Jill: I don’t know.
Janet: I’m glad I didn’t send you to pick up my birthday cake!
School Bus Joke 4
The Hogwarts train was canceled due to snow on the tracks, fortunately Harry Potter was able to take the Magic School Bus replacement service to school.
School Bus Joke 5
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of kids.
School Bus Joke 6
What’s the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van?
Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children!
School Bus Joke 7
What’s yellow and can’t float?
A school bus full of children!
School Bus Joke 8
Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone?
He got hit by a school bus.
School Bus Joke 9
Why didn’t anyone take the school bus to school?
It wouldn’t fit through the door.
School Bus Joke 10
Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus!
Bus Joke 1
Passenger: Does this bus go to London?
Passenger: But it says London on the front.
Conductor: There’s an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don’t sell them!
Bus Joke 2
Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said, “If you were a gentleman, young man, you’d stand up and let someone else sit down.”
“And if you were a lady,” replied Roger, “you’d stand up and let four people sit down.”
Bus Joke 3
Sam left work after a tiring day.
Take the bus home, suggested a friend.
My mother would only make me take it back, Sam said.
Bus Joke 4
Teacher: Tommy Russell, you’re late again.
Tommy: Sorry, sir. It’s my bus – it’s always coming late.
Teacher: Well, if it’s late again tomorrow, catch an earlier one.
Bus Joke 5
What do you call a man with a double decker bus on his head ?
Bus Joke 6
What have I got in my hands?
A double decker bus!
Bus Joke 7
What is a bus?
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Bus Joke 8
What would you get if you crossed King Kong with a skunk?
I don’t know but it could always get a seat on a bus!
Bus Joke 9
When you go for a bus ride, do you like sitting upstairs or downstairs?
I prefer to ride on top, but it’s very hard getting the horse up the stairs.
Bus Joke 10
Which end of a bus is it best to get off?
It doesn’t matter. Both ends stop.
Bus Joke 11
Why did the bat miss the bus?
He hung around for too long.
Bus Joke 12
Why did the bus stop?
Because it saw the zebra crossing.