I’m not that keen on cannibal jokes, I was raised by a strict mother who taught me NEVER to play with my food, some cannibal jokes would disappoint my late and tasty mother!
Best Cannibal Jokes
Best Cannibal Joke 1
What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?
Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!
Best Cannibal Joke 2
A cannibal’s dilemma: If God didn’t want us to eat people, why did he make them out of meat?
Best Cannibal Joke 3
How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?
He became a vegetarian.
Best Cannibal Joke 4
What is a cannibal’s favorite food?
Best Cannibal Joke 5
Why did the cannibal live on his own?
He was fed up with other people.
Best Cannibal Joke 6
Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, “So that I can feed my lads with m,lasses.”
Best Cannibal Joke 7
Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people’s heads?
Because they’re headcases.
Best Cannibal Joke 8
What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday?
He ate himself.
Best Cannibal Joke 9
What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals ?
He went down really well!
Best Cannibal Joke 10
Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter?
It sure gave them something to chew over.
Best Cannibal Joke 11
What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock?
It repeated on him.
Best Cannibal Joke 12
A man is captured by cannibals, every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food.
Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, “Hey, you can kill me or you can eat me, but I’m tired of getting stuck for drinks!”
Best Cannibal Joke 13
Cannibal: Mom, mom, I’ve been eating a missionary and I feel sick!
Mom: Well, you know what they say – you can’t keep a good man down!
Cannibal Jokes One Liners
One Liner Cannibal Joke 1
Why don’t cannibals eat comedians?
They taste funny.
One Liner Cannibal Joke 2
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle’s wife?
He was an aunteater.
One Liner Cannibal Joke 3
Why was the cannibal expelled from school?
Because he kept buttering up the teacher.
One Liner Cannibal Joke 4
When do cannibals cook you?
One Liner Cannibal Joke 5
What does a cannibal eat with cheese?
One Liner Cannibal Joke 6
How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give him a helping hand.
One Liner Cannibal Joke 7
What happened when the cannibals ate a comedian?
They had a feast of fun.
One Liner Cannibal Joke 8
What happens if you upset a cannibal?
You get into hot water.
One Liner Cannibal Joke 9
What did the cannibal say when he was full?
I couldn’t eat another mortal.
One Liner Cannibal Joke 10
Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?
He was caught poaching.
One Liner Cannibal Joke 11
What did the cannibal have for lunch?
Baked beings (beans).
One Liner Cannibal Joke 12
How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give them a hand !
One Liner Cannibal Joke 13
What’s the definition of a cannibal?
Some who goes into a restaurant and orders a waiter!
Cannibal Joke Pineapple
Three guys are stranded on an island populated with cannibals. The king of the cannibals tells them that there is a way to get out of the island if they accomplish a certain task.
So the king says to the three men, “Collect ten of any single type of fruit and bring them to me.”
The three men quickly get to work and starts looking for fruits. The first man that returns has 10 bananas and offers them to the king.
But the king tells him, “It’s not over yet. You are to insert all the fruits in your anus without showing any emotions. If you laugh or cry, we will eat you.”
The man hesitates but proceeds to insert the 10 bananas up his anus. 1….2….- But it’s too painful and he cries out of agony. The cannibals eat him instantly.
The second guy that returns has collected 10 cherries. The king also tells him to do the same thing and that the first guy that returned was eaten for crying. The second guy is happy because he is certain he can insert all the cherries in because of their small size. So he proceeds to insert the cherries with ease.
1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9..- But the second guy starts laughing and the cannibals also eat him.
In heaven, the first and second guy meet and discuss their unbelievable misfortune. Halfway through the conversation the first guy says to the second guy, “I was watching you from up here and I saw that you nearly completed the task but all of a sudden you laughed. Why?”
The which the second guy replies, “I saw the third guy bringing pineapples.”
Dirty Cannibal Jokes
Dirty Cannibal Joke 1
What do you call a sex-crazed gay cannibal?
A head hunter.
Dirty Cannibal Joke 2
Two laid back cannibals captured a man and are about to eat him.
The first cannibal says “you start at the bottom, I’ll start at the top”, so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says “I’m having a ball”.
The first canibal replied “Dude, you are eating too fast!”
Dirty Cannibal Joke 3
What’s the ultimate definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
Dirty Cannibal Joke 4
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
2 Cannibals Jokes
2 Cannibals Joke 1
First cannibal: My wife’s a tough old bird.
Second cannibal: You should have left her in the oven for another half an hour.
2 Cannibals Joke 2
First cannibal: Who was that girl I saw you with last night?
Second cannibal: That was no girl, that was my supper !
2 Cannibals Joke 3
1st Cannibal: I don’t know what to make of my boyfriend these days.
2nd Cannibal: How about a hotpot ?
2 Cannibals Joke 4
Two cannibals were having lunch. Your girlfriend makes a great soup, said one to the other.
Yes! agreed the first. But, I’m going to miss her terribly.
2 Cannibals Joke 5
Two canibals were having their dinner. One said to the other, I don’t like your friend. The other one replied, Well put her to one side and just eat the greens.
2 Cannibals Joke 6
First cannibal: I can’t find anything to eat!
Second cannibal: But the jungle’s full of people.
First cannibal: Yes, but they’re all very unsavory.
2 Cannibals Joke 7
Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other “I don’t like your friend.”
The other one said, “Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables.”
2 Cannibals Joke 8
Two cannibals were having lunch. “Your wife makes a great soup,” said one cannibal to the other.
“Yes!” agreed the first cannibal. “But I’m going to miss her terribly.”
2 Cannibals Joke 9
First Canibal: Who was that girl I saw you with last night?
Second Cannibal: That was no girl, that was my supper.
2 Cannibals Joke 10
First cannibal: We had burglars last night.
Second cannibal: Did they taste good?
2 Cannibals Joke 11
First cannibal: I don’t know what to make of my husband these days.
Second canibal: How about a curry?
2 Cannibals Joke 12
First cannibal: Come and have dinner in our but tonight.
Second cannibal: What are you having?
First cannibal: Hard-boiled legs.
2 Cannibals Joke 13
First Cannibal: “Have you seen the dentist?”
Second Cannibal: “Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time.”
Funny Cannibal Jokes
Funny Cannibal Joke 1
Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor?
They were given a right roasting.
Funny Cannibal Joke 2
Why do cannibals make suitcases out of peoples heads?
Because they’re headcases!
Funny Cannibal Joke 3
The canibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. “For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful.”
Funny Cannibal Joke 4
Well, children, said the cannibal cooking teacher. “What did you make of the new English teacher?”
Funny Cannibal Joke 5
What happened to the cannibal lion?
He had to swallow his pride!
Funny Cannibal Joke 6
Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village?
Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!
Funny Cannibal Joke 7
Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force?
He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
Funny Cannibal Joke 8
Did you hear about the canibal who committed suicide?
He got himself into a real stew.
Funny Cannibal Joke 9
Cannibal Boy: I’ve brought a friend home for dinner.
Cannibal Mom: Put him in the fridge and we’ll have him tomorrow.
Funny Cannibal Joke 10
A cannibal chief was just about to stew his latest victim for dinner when the man protested, “You can’t eat me, I’m the manager!”
“Well,” said the cannibal, “soon you’ll be a manager in chief.”
Funny Cannibal Joke 11
Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request.
The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him.
The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes.
Now it is the third man’s turn. He asks for a fork.
The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork.
As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, “To hell with your canoes!”
Funny Cannibal Joke 12
A cannibal son and his father are out looking for food. They are watching people walk down the street.
The son suggested a particularly plump woman and the father rejected saying that she’s too fatty.
Later on the son asked about a very skinny woman.
Again the father refused saying that she’s to skinny.
After a while the son pointed out a very attractive woman.
“sure son” the father replied, drooling. “We’ll take her home and eat you mother!”
Funny Cannibal Joke 13
The cannibal king was having dinner when a servant came running in. “Your Majesty,” he said, “the slaves are revolting!”
“You don’t have to tell me,” said the king. “I’m trying to eat them, where did we get these slaves anyway?”
“From the country next door,” replied the servant.
“We must get a new butcher,” said the king. “Bring me Delia Smith.”
“We can’t, Your Majesty, she’s still cooking for you.”
“Well, bring her to me once she’s crispy enough,” said the king.
Cannibal Clown Jokes
Cannibal Clown Joke 1
Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal… “does he taste funny to you?”
Cannibal Clown Joke 2
Two clowns are eating a cannibal, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal… “I think we’re doing this joke wrong!”
Cannibal Clown Joke 3
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
It’s because clowns taste funny!
Bad Cannibal Jokes
Bad Cannibal Joke 1
What did the cannibal’s wife give her husband when he came home late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Bad Cannibal Joke 2
Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
Bad Cannibal Joke 3
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary’s ear?
He had his first taste of Christianity!
Bad Cannibal Joke 4
Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a balanced meal.
Bad Cannibal Joke 5
What does a cannibal call a skateboarder?
Meals on wheels.
Bad Cannibal Joke 6
What is the cannibals favorite game?
Swallow my Leader.
Bad Cannibal Joke 7
What happened to the canibal lion?
He had to swallow his pride.
Bad Cannibal Joke 8
Did you hear about the cannibal who went vegetarian?
He couldn’t stop eating swedes.
Bad Cannibal Joke 9
What happened when the cannibal got a religion?
He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
Bad Cannibal Joke 10
Why didn’t the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?
He thought he would give him a paunch!
Bad Cannibal Joke 11
Why won’t cannibals eat Frank Sinatra?
Because he’s always coming back!
Bad Cannibal Joke 12
What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?
Bad Cannibal Joke 13
Why would the cannibal only eat babies?
He was on a diet!
Good Cannibal Jokes
Good Cannibal Joke 1
Was the principals brother really a missionary?
He certainly was. He gave the people of the Cannibal Islands their first taste of Christianity!
Good Cannibal Joke 2
When a plane caught fire over the jungle the pilot ejected and landed in a cannibal’s pot.
The cannibal turned to his friend and said, What’s this flier doing in my soup?
Good Cannibal Joke 3
What did the cannibal’s parents say when she brought her boyfriend home?
Lovely, dear, he looks good enough to eat!
Good Cannibal Joke 4
Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn’t suit his taste!
Good Cannibal Joke 5
What do cannibal say when they say grace?
We thank you, Lord, for our daily dead!
Good Cannibal Joke 6
What did the cannibal say to the explorer?
Nice to meat you!
Good Cannibal Joke 7
What do pygmy cannibals eat for breakfast?
Good Cannibal Joke 8
What happened when the cannibal crossed the Atlantic on the QE2?
He told the waiter to take the menu away and bring him the passenger list!
Good Cannibal Joke 9
Why don’t cannibals like to eat Carl Lewis?
He gives them the runs!