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Cat Joke 1
For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats: – Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name. – No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot. – You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents. – Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile. – No cat or teenager shares you taste in music. – Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing. – Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry o n as if they did. – Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy — a sense of complete and utter boredom. – Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone’s furniture. – Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior. Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.
Cat Joke 2
A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man “I can’t believe what I m seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!!” The man replied “Nah lady this cats not clever at all I m beating it 6 games to 1”
Cat Joke 3
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “Whatcha doing, Tim?” “My goldfish died,” replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. “And I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your cat.”
Cat Joke 4
Q: When is a bad time to cross a black cat? A: When you are a mouse!
Cat Joke 5
Q: Where did the kittens go on their class trip? – A: To a mewseum.
Cat Joke 6
Q: What do you call the loser in a hissing, scratching cat fight? – A: Claude
Cat Joke 7
Q: What do cats like to eat on a hot day? – A: Mice cream
Cat Joke 8
Q: What do you call it when a cat bites? – A: Catnip!
Cat Joke 9
Q: What did the female cat say to the male cat? – A: You re the purrfect cat for me!
Cat Joke 10
Q: Why do cats like to hear other cats make noise? – A: It’s meow-sic to their ears!
Cat Joke 11
Q: What’s every cat’s favorite song? – A: Three Blind Mice!
Cat Joke 12
Q: Where do cats write down notes? – A: Scratch Paper!
Cat Joke 13
Q: Why does everyone love cats? – A: They re purr-fect!
Cat Joke 14
Q: What do you call a cat who eats lemons? – A: A sourpuss!
Cat Joke 15
Q: What do you call a cat Who’s joined the Red Cross? – A: A first-aid kit!
Cat Joke 16
Q: Which game did the cat want to play with the mouse? – A: Catch.
Cat Joke 17
Q: What’s a cat’s favorite food? – A: Petatoes!
Cat Joke 18
Q: What’s a cat’s second favorite food? – A: Spa-catti!
Cat Joke 19
Q: What kind of work does a weak cat do? – A: Light mouse work.
Cat Joke 20
Q: What kind of cats lay around the house? – A: Car-pets!
Cat Joke 21
Q: How do cats buy things? – A: From a cat-alogue!
Cat Joke 22
Q: Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens? – A: Because she wanted to mail a litter.
Cat Joke 23
Q: What do you call it when a cat stops? – A: A paws!
Cat Joke 24
Q: Why do cats eat fur balls? – A: Because they love a good gag!
Cat Joke 25
Q: What do you call a cat when he first wakes up with the alarm clock? – A: Catsup!
Cat Joke 26
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… I must be a God!
Cat Joke 27
Brother: Did you put the cat out ? Sister: Why, is it on fire ?
Cat Joke 28
What looks like half a cat ? The other half !
Cat Joke 29
What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool ? She had mittens !
Cat Joke 30
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot ? A carrot !
Cat Joke 31
How do cats eat spaghetti ? The same as everyone else – they put it in their mouths!
Cat Joke 32
How do cats eat spaghetti ? The same as everyone else – they put it in their mouths!
Cat Joke 33
What do cat actors say on stage ? Tabby or not tabby !
Cat Joke 34
What did the cat say when he lost all his money ? I m paw !
Cat Joke 35
How do you know if you cat’s got a bad cold ? He has cat-arrh !
Cat Joke 36
How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling ? She’s got that down in the mouth look !
Cat Joke 37
What do you get if you cross a cat and a gorilla ? An animal that puts you out a night !
Cat Joke 38
What is the cat’s favourite TV show ? The evening mews !
Cat Joke 39
How is cat food sold ? Usually purr can !
Cat Joke 40
What noise does a cat make going down the highway ? Miaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow !
Cat Joke 41
What’s the unluckiest kind of cat to have ? A catastrophe !
Cat Joke 42
What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree ? A cat-a-logue !
Cat Joke 43
What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim ? An octopuss !
Cat Joke 44
Why did the cat join the Red Cross ? Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit !
Cat Joke 45
Who was the most powerful cat in China ? Chairman Miaow !
Cat Joke 46
What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar ? A sourpuss !
Cat Joke 47
What is cleverer than a talking cat ? A spelling bee !
Cat Joke 48
How do you know that cats are sensitive creatures? They never cry over spilt milk !
Cat Joke 49
What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas ? Santa Claws !
Cat Joke 50
There were four cats in a boat, one jumped out. How many were left ? None. They were all copy cats !
Cat Joke 51
What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea ? A catameringue !
Cat Joke 52
Why do tomcats fight ? Because they like raising a stink !
Cat Joke 53
Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit ? They are both ginger nuts !
Cat Joke 54
What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck ? A duck filled fatty puss !
Cat Joke 55
What kind of cat should you take into the desert ? A first aid kitty !
Cat Joke 56
Why do cats chase birds ? For a lark !
Cat Joke 57
What do cats read in the morning ? Mewspapers !
Cat Joke 58
On what should you mount a statue of your cat ? A caterpillar !
Cat Joke 59
What cat purrs more than any other ? Purrsians !
Cat Joke 60
Why did the cat put the letter “M” into the fridge ? Because it turns “ice” into “mice” !
Cat Joke 61
When the cat’s away…..? The house smells better !
Cat Joke 62
Why was the cat so small ? Because it only ate condensed milk !
Cat Joke 63
What works in a circus, walks a tightrope and has claws ? An acrocat !
Cat Joke 64
What do you call a cat wearing shoes ? Puss in boots !
Cat Joke 65
What does a cat call a bowl of mice ? A purrfect meal !
Cat Joke 66
What is another way to describe a cat ? A heat seeking missile !
Cat Joke 67
What did the cat do when he swallowed some cheese ? He waited by the mouse hole with baited breath !
Cat Joke 68
Why are cats longer in the evening than they are in the morning? Because they re let out in the evening and taking in in the morning !
Cat Joke 69
Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin ? There was some money in the kitty !
Cat Joke 70
Why did the cat sleep under the car ? Because she wanted to wake up oily !
Cat Joke 71
When is it unlucky to see a black cat ? When your a mouse !
Cat Joke 72
Why do black cats never shave ? Because 8 out of 10 cats prefer whiskas !
Cat Joke 73
What did the black cat say to the fish ? I’ve got a bone to pick with you !
Cat Joke 74
What’s furry, has whiskers and chases outlaws ? A posse cat !
Cat Joke 75
What is a black cat’s favourite TV show ? Miami Mice !
Cat Joke 76
What do you call a black cat than can spring up to a six foot wall ? A good jumpurr !
Cat Joke 77
Why are black cats such good singers? They re very mewsical.
Cat Joke 78
Teacher: Name four members of the cat family Pupil: Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens !
Cat Joke 79
Which big cat should you never play cards with ? A cheetah !
Cat Joke 80
When the cat’s away…..? The house smells better !
Cat Joke 81
Why was the cat so small ? Because it only ate condensed milk !
Cat Joke 82
What is another way to describe a cat ? A heat seeking missile !
Cat Joke 83
What do cat actors say on stage ? Tabby or not tabby !
Cat Joke 84
What is an octopus? An eight-sided cat.
Cat Joke 85
A guy walks into a laundry run by cats. “Excuse me”, he said to the cat in charge, “Can you get milk stains out?” “Sure,” replied the cat. “We ll have that stain licked in a minute!”
Cat Joke 86
Why was the cat afraid of the tree? Because of the tree bark.
Cat Joke 87
If a cat won an Oscar, what would he get? An a-cat-emy award.
Cat Joke 88
Q: Why couldn’t the cat speak? A: The dog taped his mouth.
Cat Joke 89
When you call a dog, they usually come to you. When you call a cat; they take a message.
Cat Joke 90
Doctor, said the patient, “I need help! I can’t stop acting like a cat!” “How long have you had this problem?” the doctor asked. “Lest’s see,” said the patient, “Mom had the litter in 41
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