Funny Horse Jokes
Funny Horse Joke 1
Why did the horse miss the joust? He had the knight off!
Funny Horse Joke 2
A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn’t show up at the church. He got colt feet
Funny Horse Joke 3
As horses say to one another. Any friend of yours is a palomino!
Funny Horse Joke 4
Did you find my horse well behaved? Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!
Funny Horse Joke 5
Did you hear about Mike Tyson’s horse? It got angry and bit at the champ!
Funny Horse Joke 6
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse? He was the last of his race!
Funny Horse Joke 7
Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!
Funny Horse Joke 8
Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films? He’s not a star though, he just does bit parts!
Funny Horse Joke 9
Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude? He always said “Neigh”
Funny Horse Joke 10
Did you hear about the Irishman who couldn’t tell the difference between his two horses? His friend suggested measuring them, that didn’t help though, the Irishman discovered that the brown horse was only an inch taller than the white one!
Funny Horse Joke 11
Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day? He fell in love with the Grand National winner!
Funny Horse Joke 12
Did you hear about the man who named his horse Radish?
Funny Horse Joke 13
Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses? He was a rough rider!
Funny Horse Joke 14
What has four legs and see just as well from either end? A horse with his eyes closed!
Horse Racing Jokes
Horse Racing Joke 1
Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because bad news travels fast!
Horse Racing Joke 2
Why was the racehorse names Strawberry Ice? He was a sherbet!
Horse Racing Joke 3
How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites? They take a gallop poll!
Horse Racing Joke 4
What is a jockey’s motto? Put your money where your mount is!
Horse Racing Joke 5
What is the strongest animal? A racehorse, because it can take hundreds of people for a ride at once!
Horse Racing Joke 6
Why are clouds like jockeys? Because they hold the reins!
Horse Racing Joke 7
Why is a racehorse like a letter? They both begin a trip at the post!
Horse Racing Joke 8
Why is horse racing so romantic? Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye!
Horse Racing Joke 9
What is the slowest racehorse in the world? A clotheshorse!
Horse Racing Joke 10
A man has a racehorse, never won a race. Man in disgust says,” Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning.” The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track. He kicks the horse and asks, “WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING. The horse, half asleep says, “I have to get up at three in the morning.”
Horse Racing Joke 11
Will I ever be able to race my horse again the owner asked the vet. The vet replied, “You certainly will, and you ll probably beat her too!”
Horse Racing Joke 12
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in? They had to pay the jockey overtime!
Horse Burger Jokes
Horse Burger Joke 1
In a recent Twitter poll people were asked “Is eating horse burgers bad your you”? 51% voted “aye” and 49% voted “neigh”, it was a photo finish!
Horse Burger Joke 2
There’s a new low cost burger released to celebrate the Grand National called “My Lidl Pony”!
Horse Burger Joke 3
Dozens of Tesco and Iceland customers were hospitalised after eating a horse meat burger, their condition is said to be stable.
Horse Burger Joke 4
The mane news this week is Tesco released a new range of low coast burgers with the TV ad campaign slogan “And They’re Off”!
Horse Jokes for Kids
Horse Jokes for Kids 1
What disease do horses fear most? Hay Fever!
Horse Jokes for Kids 2
What do you call a horse that plays the violin? Fiddler on the hoof!
Horse Jokes for Kids 3
How do you lead a horse to water? With lots of carrots.
Horse Jokes for Kids 4
How much money did the bronco have? Only a buck!
Horse Jokes for Kids 5
What do you call a horse wearing Venetian blinds? A zebra!
Horse Jokes for Kids 6
What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A hoarse horse!
Horse Jokes for Kids 7
What do you call the horse than lives next door? A neighbour!
Horse Jokes for Kids 8
What do you give a sick horse? Cough stirrup.
Horse Jokes for Kids 9
What does it mean if you find a horse shoe? Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
Horse Jokes for Kids 10
What equine likes to cut in line? A sawhorse!
Horse Jokes for Kids 11
What goes “Clip”? A one legged horse!
Horse Jokes for Kids 12
What is a horse’s favourite sport? Stable tennis!
Horse Jokes for Kids 13
Girl: We have a mayor. Do you?
Girl: What do you call it?
Horse: Same as you do. Mare!
Horse Jokes for Kids 14
Where do you take a sick horse? To the Horspital!
Clean Horse Jokes
Clean Horse Joke 1
How do you hire a horse? Put a brick under each hoof!
Clean Horse Joke 2
Did you hear about the overweight man who took up horse riding as exercise? The horse lost 15 pounds in a week!
Clean Horse Joke 3
Why did the boy stand behind the horse? He thought he might get a kick out of it!
Clean Horse Joke 4
Girl: We have a mayor. Do you?
Girl: What do you call it?
Horse: Same as you do. Mare!
Clean Horse Joke 5
How do you go about hiring a horse? Try two pairs of stilts!
Clean Horse Joke 6
How do you make a small fortune out of horses? Start off with a large fortune!
Clean Horse Joke 7
What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a pail of water? Jockey and Jill!
Clean Horse Joke 8
What is a horses favourite kind of party? A stall ball.
Clean Horse Joke 9
What is a horses favourite TV show? Neeeebours
Clean Horse Joke 10
What is a thespian pony? A little horse play!
Clean Horse Joke 11
What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse? A tale of whoa!
Clean Horse Joke 12
You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can’t jump at all. Well neither can a fence!
Clean Horse Joke 13
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air ? A seahorse !
Clean Horse Joke 14
What’s the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse? The ground!
Horse Jokes for Adults
Horse Jokes for Adults 1
Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette? He didn’t have enough money tabaccer!
Horse Jokes for Adults 2
What kind of horse has trouble keeping track of his Macintosh? An Appaloosa!
Horse Jokes for Adults 3
What does every horse and rider do at the same time? Grow old!
Horse Jokes for Adults 4
What did the wife say to the undertaker when he started hitting his broken down car? Stop beating a dead hearse!
Horse Jokes for Adults 5
What duo were famous for stealing horses? Bonnie and Clydesdale!
Horse Jokes for Adults 6
What goes into the mouth of a quarter horse? Two bits!
Horse Jokes for Adults 7
What happened to Lady Godiva’s horse when he saw she had no clothes on? It made him shy!
Horse Jokes for Adults 8
What happened to the horse that swallowed a dollar bill? It bucked!
Horse Jokes for Adults 9
How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable? He tried to stirrup some interest!
Horse Jokes for Adults 10
What person strives to ensure safety for horses? Ralph Neighder!
Horse Jokes for Adults 11
Why did the artist put on a show of horse paintings? He wanted to mount an exhibit!
Horse Jokes for Adults 12
Why did the farmer call his horse Baseball? Because it’s covered with horsehide!
Horse Jokes for Adults 13
Why did the horse go behind the tree? To change his jockeys.
Horse Jokes for Adults 14
Where did the newlywed horses stay? In the bridle suite!
Bad Horse Jokes
Bad Horse Joke 1
What happened to the man who owned a riding academy? Business kept falling off!
Bad Horse Joke 2
What is horse sense? Stable thinking and the ability to say nay!
Bad Horse Joke 3
What is the difference between a horse and a duck? One goes quick and the other goes quack!
Bad Horse Joke 4
What’s another name for an assistant stable cleaner? A co-pile-it!
Bad Horse Joke 5
What’s as big as a horse, but weighs nothing? A horses shadow!
Bad Horse Joke 6
What’s black and white and turns cartwheels? A piebald horse pulling a cart!
Bad Horse Joke 7
When does a horse neigh? Whinny wants to!
Bad Horse Joke 8
Where did the Knights of the Round Table park their horses? In the Sir Lance Lot
Bad Horse Joke 9
Which route should you take through the woods when riding a fizzy horse? The psycho-path!
Bad Horse Joke 10
Who did the breeder call when his horse was possessed by an evil spirit? An exhorsist!
Bad Horse Joke 11
Why are chorus girls like barge horses? They have to tow the line!
Bad Horse Joke 12
Why did the horse stir his cereal with his hoof? Because he wanted to feel his oats!
Bad Horse Joke 13
Why did the horseman put a saddle on a large loaf of bread? It was a crusty steed!
Bad Horse Joke 14
Why did the man call his horse Fleabag? Because he was often scratched!
Bad Horse Joke 15
What did the horse say to whinnie the pooh while watching his t.v. show? I wish I could hear you whinnie.
Horse Joke 1
Why is an egg like a young horse? Because it can’t be used until it’s broken!
Horse Joke 2
Why is Dick Clark a favourite star with horses? Because he was a disk jockey from Filly!
Horse Joke 3
Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back? They’re always switching their tails!
Horse Joke 4
Why is manna from heaven like horse hay? Both are food from aloft!
Horse Joke 5
Why is the old, decrepit horse named Flattery? Because it gets you nowhere!
Horse Joke 6
You said it was a great horse and it is. It took twenty other horses to beat him!
Horse Joke 7
A mean horseman went into a saddler’s shop and asked for one spur. “One spur?” asked the saddler. “Surely you mean a pair of spurs, sir?” “No, just one,” replied the horseman. “If I can get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to come with it!”
Horse Joke 8
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse? Because it got too heavy to carry.
Horse Joke 9
Why was the horse all charged up? It ate some haywire!
Horse Joke 10
Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing? He was always standing up on the job!
Horse Joke 11
Why was the man sued by his horse? For palomino-money!
Horse Joke 12
Did you hear about the man with five keen senses? He still lacked common and horse!
Horse Joke 13
Have you read the book, “100-mile Horse Trek” Who wrote it? Major Bumsore
Horse Joke 14
What did the city worker say after his first ever pony trek? I never knew anything stuffed with hay could be so hard!
Horse Joke 15
What do you call a horse that’s been all around the world? A globe-trotter!