Funny One Liner Joke 1
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Funny One Liner Joke 2
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Funny One Liner Joke 3
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Funny One Liner Joke 4
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Funny One Liner Joke 5
A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.
Funny One Liner Joke 6
A day without sunshine is like night.
Funny One Liner Joke 7
A good pun is its own reword.
Funny One Liner Joke 8
A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
Funny One Liner Joke 9
A thing not worth doing isn’t worth doing well.
Funny One Liner Joke 10
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Funny One Liner Joke 11
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
Funny One Liner Joke 12
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
Funny One Liner Joke 13
Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!
Funny One Liner Joke 14
Alzheimer’s advantage: New friends every day.
Funny One Liner Joke 15
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys
Funny One Liner Joke 16
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
Funny One Liner Joke 17
As I said before, I never repeat myself. As long as I can remember, I’ve had amnesia.
Funny One Liner Joke 18
Attempt to get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade!
Funny One Liner Joke 19
Bigamy: one wife too many.Monogamy: same thing
Funny One Liner Joke 20
Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.
Funny One Liner Joke 21
Bombs don’t kill people, explosions kill people.
Funny One Liner Joke 22
Borrow money from pessimists- they don’t expect it back.
Funny One Liner Joke 23
Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.
Funny One Liner Joke 24
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Funny One Liner Joke 25
Chastity is curable, if detected early.
Funny One Liner Joke 26
Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen events.
Funny One Liner Joke 27
Clones are people two.
Funny One Liner Joke 28
Cole’s Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Funny One Liner Joke 29
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
Funny One Liner Joke 30
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Funny One Liner Joke 31
Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
Funny One Liner Joke 32
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Funny One Liner Joke 33
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
Funny One Liner Joke 34
Don’t get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It’s a lot easier on you.
Funny One Liner Joke 35
Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.
Funny One Liner Joke 36
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.
Funny One Liner Joke 37
For sale: parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Funny One Liner Joke 38
Friction can be a drag sometimes.
Funny One Liner Joke 39
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Funny One Liner Joke 40
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die
Funny One Liner Joke 41
Ham and Eggs: A day’s work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
Funny One Liner Joke 42
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
Funny One Liner Joke 43
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Funny One Liner Joke 44
He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!
Funny One Liner Joke 45
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
Funny One Liner Joke 46
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
Funny One Liner Joke 47
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!
Funny One Liner Joke 48
Hypochondria is the only disease I haven’t got.
Funny One Liner Joke 49
I bet you I could stop gambling.
Funny One Liner Joke 50
I couldn’t care less about apathy.
Funny One Liner Joke 51
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Funny One Liner Joke 52
I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
Funny One Liner Joke 53
I have friends who swear they dream in color…It’s just a pigment of their imagination.
Funny One Liner Joke 54
I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.
Funny One Liner Joke 55
I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
Funny One Liner Joke 56
I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.
Funny One Liner Joke 57
I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
Funny One Liner Joke 58
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
Funny One Liner Joke 59
I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.
Funny One Liner Joke 60
I want patience… AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
Funny One Liner Joke 61
I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.
Funny One Liner Joke 62
I wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
Funny One Liner Joke 63
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Funny One Liner Joke 64
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace prize.
Funny One Liner Joke 65
If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.
Funny One Liner Joke 66
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Funny One Liner Joke 67
If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
Funny One Liner Joke 68
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
Funny One Liner Joke 69
If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
Funny One Liner Joke 70
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Funny One Liner Joke 71
If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Funny One Liner Joke 72
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
Funny One Liner Joke 73
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Funny One Liner Joke 74
Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?
Funny One Liner Joke 75
It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
Funny One Liner Joke 76
It’s sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs.
Funny One Liner Joke 77
Jesus is coming! Look Busy.
Funny One Liner Joke 78
Jesus loves you! It’s everybody else that thinks you’re an ass.
Funny One Liner Joke 79
Karaoke is Japanese for “Tone Deaf”
Funny One Liner Joke 80
Laughing stock — cattle with a sense of humor?
Funny One Liner Joke 81
Lord, if I can’t be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.
Funny One Liner Joke 82
Losing a husband can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.
Funny One Liner Joke 83
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Funny One Liner Joke 84
Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Funny One Liner Joke 85
My Wild Oats Have turned to Shredded Wheat!
Funny One Liner Joke 86
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Funny One Liner Joke 87
Police Station toilet stolen….Cops have nothing to go on.
Funny One Liner Joke 88
Polynesia — memory loss in parrots.
Funny One Liner Joke 89
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Funny One Liner Joke 90
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Funny One Liner Joke 91
Seen it all. Done it all. Can’t remember most of it.
Funny One Liner Joke 92
Sometimes too much to drink isn’t enough.
Funny One Liner Joke 93
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Funny One Liner Joke 94
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Funny One Liner Joke 95
The meek shall inherit the earth…..after we’re through with it.
Funny One Liner Joke 96
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
Funny One Liner Joke 97
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
Funny One Liner Joke 98
There’s no future in time travel.
Funny One Liner Joke 99
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
Funny One Liner Joke 100
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Funny One Liner Joke 101
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Funny One Liner Joke 102
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
Funny One Liner Joke 103
You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
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