School Joke 1
Teacher: What’s 2 and 2? Pupil: 4 Teacher: That’s good. Pupil: Good?, that’s perfect!
School Joke 2
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is? Pupil: I expect it’s around Hadrian’s garden miss!
School Joke 3
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour? Pupil: Because it can’t sit down!
School Joke 4
Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school
School Joke 5
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4? Pupil: That’s not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
School Joke 6
When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom? Because there are no pupils to see!
School Joke 7
Why did the teacher put the lights on? Because the class was so dim!
School Joke 8
Teacher: How much is half of 8? Pupil: Up and down or across? Teacher: What do you mean? Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!
School Joke 9
Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine. So What’s so great about that? It’s snowing outside!
School Joke 10
Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had
School Joke 11
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had
School Joke 12
Where did all the cuts and blood come from? The school went on a trip!
School Joke 13
What’s the worst thing you re likely to find in the school cafeteria? The food!
School Joke 14
What kind of food do maths teachers eat? Square meals!
School Joke 15
The food in our school canteen is perfect. If your a bug!
School Joke 16
What’s black and white all over and difficult? An exam paper!
School Joke 17
Why aren’t you doing very well in history? Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
School Joke 18
What was King Arthur’s favourite game? Knights and crosses!
School Joke 19
Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt? Yes, the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah’s court!
School Joke 20
Father: How do you like going to school? Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I m not too keen on the time in-between!
School Joke 21
Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4? Class: At once!
School Joke 22
Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America? On their feet!
School Joke 23
Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning. Class: Hooray! Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!
School Joke 24
Teacher: Is Lapland heavily populated? Class: No, there are not many Lapps to the mile! Teacher: Name an animal that lives in Lapland! Pupil: A reindeer Teacher: Good, now name another. Class: Another reindeer!
School Joke 25
Teacher: That’s quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it? Pupil: I don’t know teacher. What will you give me?
School Joke 26
Teacher: You aren’t paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing? Pupil: No, teacher I m having trouble listening!
School Joke 27
Teacher: What are the Great Plains? Pupil: 747, Concorde and F-16!
School Joke 28
Son: I can’t go to school today. Father: Why not? Son: I don’t feel well Teacher: Where don’t you feel well? Son: In school!
School Joke 29
Teacher: I ll call you Fred Smith then. Pupil: My dad won’t like that. Teacher: Why is that? Pupil: He doesn’t like people taking the Mickey out of my name!
School Joke 30
I failed every subject except for algebra. How did you keep from failing that? I didn’t take algebra!
School Joke 31
Teacher: Are you good at math? Pupil: Yes and no Teacher: What do you mean? Pupil: Yes, I m no good at math!
School Joke 32
Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river? Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can’t see!
School Joke 33
Teacher: You re new here aren’t you, What’s your name? Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith
School Joke 34
Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today. School Secretary: Who is this? Pupil: This is my father speaking!
School Joke 35
Father: I hear you skipped school to play football Son: No I didn t, and I have the fish to prove it!
School Joke 36
A history joke Teacher: When was Rome built? Pupil: At night. Teacher: Why did you say that? Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn’t built in a day!
School Joke 37
Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn’t know where the Rockies were. Mother: Well next time remember where you put things!
School Joke 38
Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class? Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips!
School Joke 39
Teacher: What’s big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mothers day? Pupil: The school bus!
School Joke 40
Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth! Pupil: What?, and get bitten!
School Joke 41
Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn’t you? Pupil: Not very much!
School Joke 42
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine
School Joke 43
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to add to your already heavy workload.
School Joke 44
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: My little sister ate it!
School Joke 45
Bad timing for an excuse Teacher: Why were you late? Pupil: Sorry, teacher, I overslept. Teacher: It’s three in the afternoon!
School Joke 46
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked
School Joke 47
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away
School Joke 48
Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year? Pupil: 12 – 2nd January, 2nd February…!
School Joke 49
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing
School Joke 50
Mother: What did you learn in school today Son: How to write Mother: What did you write? Son: I don’t know, they haven’t taught us how to read yet!
School Joke 51
Teacher: This is the third time I’ve had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that? Pupil: Thank heavens it’s Friday!
School Joke 52
Teacher: Didn’t you hear me call you? Pupil: But you said not to answer you back!
School Joke 53
Why was the headmaster worried? Because there were too many rulers in school!
School Joke 54
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because his class was so bright!
School Joke 55
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher? He couldn’t control his pupils!
School Joke 56
Teacher: What family does the octopus belong to? Pupil: Nobody I know!
School Joke 57
What’s yellow, has wheels and lies on its back? A dead school bus!
School Joke 58
Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Fred’s test paper. Pupil: I hope you didn’t see me either!
School Joke 59
Teacher: You copies from Fred’s exam paper didn’t you? Pupil: How did you know? Teacher: Fred’s paper says “I don’t know” and you have put “Me, neither”!
School Joke 60
Teacher, I can’t solve this problem. Any five year old should be able to solve this one. No wonder I can’t do it then, I m nearly ten!
School Joke 61
Teacher: Why can’t you ever answer any of my questions? Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn’t be much point in me being here!
School Joke 62
Little Monster: I hate my teacher. Mother Monster: Well just eat your salad up then dear!
School Joke 63
Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please? Don’t tell me that they haven’t found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy!
School Joke 64
Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age? Pupil: The sausage!
School Joke 65
Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you? Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!
School Joke 66
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you’ve only drawn the cow? Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!
School Joke 67
My teacher reminds me of history She’s always repeating herself!
School Joke 68
Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems? Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!
School Joke 69
Father: What did the teacher think of your idea? Son: She took it like a lamb Teacher: Really?, what did she say? Son: Baa!
School Joke 70
What do history teachers make when they want to get together? Dates!
School Joke 71
Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea? Pupil: Dead?, I didn’t even know he was sick!
School Joke 72
Father: How were the exam questions? Son: Easy Father: Then why look so unhappy? Son: The questions didn’t give me any trouble, just the answers!
School Joke 73
What are you going to be when you get out of school? An old man!
School Joke 74
What did you learn in school today? Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!
School Joke 75
Mother: How was your first day at school? Son: It was all right except for some man called “Teacher” who kept spoiling all our fun!
School Joke 76
I m not going back to school ever again Why ever not? The teacher doesn’t know a thing, all she does is ask questions!
School Joke 77
Fred came home from his first day at school. “Nothing exciting happened”, he told his mother, “Except the teacher didn’t know how to spell cat so I told her”
School Joke 78
What happens if you draw on the blackboard and the teacher told you not to? She draws a smack!
School Joke 79
Pupil: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test! Teacher: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you!
School Joke 80
Father: You were absent on the day of the test? Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!
School Joke 81
It”s clear said the teacher, “That you haven’t studied your geography. What’s your excuse?” “Well, my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it settles down!”
School Joke 82
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I put it in a safe, but lost the combination!
School Joke 83
Why do teachers use a bamboo cane? Because when the cane goes bam the child goes boo!
School Joke 84
Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, “Would you like me to be your friend?” The girl hesitated, then said, “Okay,” looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, “Why are you standing here all alone?” “Because,” the little girl said with great exasperation, “I m the goalie!”
School Joke 85
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: “Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face.” “Yes, sir,” the boys said. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow shouted, ” It’s because yer feet ain’t empty.”
School Joke 86
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer, or That’s Michael, he’s a doctor. A small voice from the back of the room rang out, And there’s the teacher; she’s still old, nasty, and wrinkled”
School Joke 87
A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day’s lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil. “And who was it that developed the theories behind communism?” the professor asked. “I don’t know,” the student said. “Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Reebs, you would know,” said the professor. “That’s not true,” the student replied. “I never pay attention anyway!”
School Joke 88
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
School Joke 89
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying “A dollar per point.” The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.
School Joke 90
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, “Why do we have to learn this pointless information” “To save lives.” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?” he persisted. “It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school,” replied the professor.
School Joke 91
A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke. His Mother said, “Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?” “Uhh, oh yeah, O.K.” responded the kid. So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, “Well how much did you give the boy this time?” “Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000 out to him.” “That’s $1020!!!” yelled Dad, “Are you going crazy???” “Don’t worry hon,” Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, “I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 15!”
School Joke 92
Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms–so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week, despite the Chemistry final being on Monday, they decided to go to the Uuniversity of Virginina to party with some friends. They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and tiredness, they overslept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found professor Bonk after the final and explained to him how they missed the final. They told him they went up to the University of Virgina for the weekend and had planned to come back in time to study, but they had a flat tire on the way back and didn’t have a spare. They couldn’t fix it for a long time and were late getting back to campus. Bonk thought this over and agreed that they could take the final the following day. The two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet. He told them to begin. They looked at the first problem which was something simple about molarity and solutions; it was worth 5 points. “Cool,” they thought, “this is going to be an easy final”. They then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on it. The question contained only two words: (95 points) Which tire?
School Joke 93
A student comes to a young professor’s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. “I would do anything to pass this exam.” She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean…” she whispers, “…I would do…anything.” He returns her gaze. “Anything?” “Anything.” His voice softens. “Anything??” “Absolutely anything.” His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you…study?”
School Joke 94
Man: “How’s your history paper coming?” Woman: “Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it’s been very helpful. Man: “Really?” Woman: “Yes! I’ve already located 17 people who sell them!”
School Joke 95
A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+. Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, “What changed your mind about learning math?” The son looked at mom and dad and said, “Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher’s desk and I knew they meant business.”
School Joke 96
The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home. “The only consolation I can find in these awful grades,” lamented the father, “is that I know he never cheated during his exams.”
School Joke 97
Dad, can you write in the dark? “I think so. What is it you want me to write?” “Your name on this report card.”
School Joke 98
A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.” The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?” The little girl replied, “My homework.”
School Joke 99
A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, “if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?” “Somebody else’s pants.”
School Joke 100
Teacher: “Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?” Sam: “I don’t know.” Teacher: “Bark, Sam, bark.” Sam: “Bow, wow, wow!”
School Joke 101
The teacher came up with a good problem. “Suppose,” she asked the second-graders, “there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?” “None,” answered little Norman. “None? Norman, you don’t know your arithmetic.” “Teacher, you don’t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!”
School Joke 102
The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student’s neighbor, “Hey wake that student up!” The neighbor yells back, “You put him to sleep, you wake him up!”
School Joke 103
Teacher: Johnny, you know you can’t sleep in my class. Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
School Joke 104
If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. “Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer. “Well, actually I don t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”
School Joke 105
Isn”t the principal a dummy! said a boy to a girl. “Say, do you know who I am?” asked the girl. “No.” “I m the principal’s daughter.” “And do you know who I am?” asked the boy. “No,” she replied. “Thank goodness!”
School Joke 106
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph? Joseph: Because of a sign down the road. Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late? Joseph: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”
School Joke 107
A little kid’s in school, taking a true-false test and he’s flipping a coin. At the end of the test he’s flipping the coin again. The teacher says, “What are you doing?” He says, “Checking my answers.”
School Joke 108
What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples? A senior high school math problem.
School Joke 109
How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.
School Joke 110
How many students does it take to change a light bulb? None. Light bulb changing isn’t in the course notes.
School Joke 111
Johnny comes back from school crying and says, “Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head.” His mother replies, “No you don’t Johnny. You have a hideously deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings.”
School Joke 112
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. He wore it under his shirt and it was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest class in the school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times. While working at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class become more and more unmanageable. Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places. Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.
School Joke 113
Did you hear what happened when there was an epidemic of laryngitis at school? The school nurse sent everyone to the croakroom.
School Joke 114
Teacher: Why do you want to work in a bank, Alan? Fred: Cuz there’s money in it, sir.
School Joke 115
Teacher: Didn’t you know the bell had gone? Fred: I didn’t take it, Miss.
School Joke 116
What’s the longest piece of furniture in the school? The multiplication table.
School Joke 117
Teacher: What happened to your homework? Pupil: I made it into a paper plane and someone hijacked it.
School Joke 118
School Principal: I’ve called you into my office, Peter, because I want to talk to you about two words I wish you wouldn’t use so often. One is “great” and the other is “lousy.” Peter: Certainly, sir. What are they?
School Joke 119
I m not going to school today, Alexander said to his mother. The teachers bully me and the boys in my class don’t like me. Why ? Firstly, you re 35 years old. Secondly, you
School Joke 120
Boy to Friend: I m sorry, I won’t be able to go out after school. I promised Dad that I would stay in and help him with my homework.
School Joke 121
Ann! the teacher shouted one day at the girl who had been daydreaming out the window. If India has the world’s second largest population, oranges are 50 cents for six and it costs $3 for a day return to Austin, how old am I ? Thirty two! Why did you say that ? Well, my brother’s sixteen and he
School Joke 122
Mother: Did you enjoy the school outing, dear ? Jane: Yes, and we re going again tomorrow. Mother: Really ? Why’s that ? Jane: To try and find the kids we left behind.
School Joke 123
Why were you late ? Sorry, teacher, I overslept. You mean you need to sleep at home too !
School Joke 124
Teacher: That’s quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ? Pupil: I don’t know teacher. What will you give me ?
School Joke 125
Our teacher talks to herself does yours ? Yes, but she does’t realise it, she thinks we re actually listening !
School Joke 126
Teacher: Why didn’t you answer me ? Pupil: I did, I shook my head Teacher: You don’t expect me to hear it rattling from here do you !
School Joke 127
Teacher: I d like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off. Pupil: You have my permission !
School Joke 128
The brain is a wonder ful thing Why do you say that ? Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class !
School Joke 129
Be sure that you go straight home after school I can t, I live just round the corner !
School Joke 130
Playing truant from school is like a credit card Fun now, pay later !
School Joke 131
Laugh and the class laughs with you. But you get detention alone !
School Joke 132
Teacher: Where is the English Channel ? Pupil: I don’t know, my TV doesn’t pick it up
School Joke 133
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour ? Pupil: Because it can’t sit down !
School Joke 134
Teacher: Give me three reasons why the world is round Pupil: Well my dad says so, my mum says so and you say so !
School Joke 135
Teacher: Are you good at math ? Pupil: Yes and no Teacher: What do you mean ? Pupil: Yes, I m no good at math !
School Joke 136
Teacher: What’s 2 and 2 Pupil: 4 Teacher: That’s good Pupil: Good ?, that’s perfect !
School Joke 137
Teacher: How much is half of 8 Pupil: Up and down or across ? Teacher: What do you mean ? Pupil: Well,up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0
School Joke 138
The teacher was reviewing counting with her first-grade class. “Jackie,” she asked, “can you count to 10 without mistakes?” “Yes,” said Jackie, and she did. “Now, Fred,” said the teacher, “can you count from 10 to 20?” “That depends,” said Fred, “with or without mistakes”!
School Joke 139
Teacher: Can you count to 10? Fred: Yes, teacher-one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Teacher: Now go on from there. Fred: Jack, Queen, King.
School Joke 140
Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be? Fred: None! Fred (surprised): Why not? Fred: Because you can’t lay eggs!
School Joke 141
TEACHER: Jackie, take 932 from 1,439. What is the difference? Stella: That’s what I say, What’s the difference`?
School Joke 142
Fred: I’ve added these figures ten times. Teacher: Good work! Fred: And here are my ten answers !
School Joke 143
Teacher: If I gave you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have? Jackie: Nine. Teacher: That’s not right, you d have eight. Jackie: No, Teacher, I d have nine. I already have one rabbit at home!
School Joke 144
Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days she asked us how much is two and two. We told her it was four. But she still doesn”t know. Today she asked us again!
School Joke 145
How are you doing in arithmetic ? I’ve learned to add up the zeros, but the numbers are still giving me trouble.
School Joke 146
Fred: I got 100 in school today. Mother: Wonderful. What did you get 100 in? Jason: Two things: I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History. Mother: Well, at least you can add !
School Joke 147
If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? One dollar. You don’t know your arithmetic. You don’t know my father !
School Joke 148
Jackie stood quietly as her father examined her report card. “What is this 45 in math?” asked her father. “I think that’s the size of the class,” she said quickly!
School Joke 149
If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left ? I don’t know. Why not ? In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.
School Joke 150
The teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on counting. Jackie got things started by counting from 1 to 10. “Now, Fred,” said the teacher, “you take over, beginning with 11.” “11, 14, 23, 42, 26,” said Fred. “What kind of counting is that ?” asked the teacher “Who’s counting ?” replied Fred. “I m calling signals.”
School Joke 151
Teacher : Tommy, put some more water in the fish tank ! Pupil : Why, Miss, I only put some in yesterday and he hasn’t drunk that yet !
School Joke 152
Teacher : Were you copying his sums ? Pupil : No Sir, just seeing if he got mine right !
School Joke 153
Teacher : What are you reading ? Pupil : I dunno ! Teacher : But you re reading aloud ! Pupil : But I m not listening !
School Joke 154
Teacher : What’s happens to gold when it is exposed to the air ? Pupil : It’s stolen !
School Joke 155
Teacher : Make up a sentence using the word lettuce ! Pupil : Let us out of school early !
School Joke 156
Teacher : Billy, please don’t whistle while studying. Billy : Oh, but I m not studying – just whistling !
School Joke 157
Teacher : Give me a sentence with the words defence, defeat and detail in it. Pupil : When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go before detail !
School Joke 158
Teacher : If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took three what would you have ? Pupil : A fight !
School Joke 159
Teacher : What is a comet ? Pupil : A star with a tail Teacher: Can you name one ? Pupil: Lassie !
School Joke 160
Teacher : The word politics – can you give me an example of how to use it ? Pupil : My parrot swallowed a watch and now Polly ticks !
School Joke 161
Teacher : What is the most common phrase used in school ? Pupil : I don’t know Teacher: Correct !
School Joke 162
Teacher : Why are you the only child in the classroom today ? Pupil : Because I was the only one who didn’t have school dinners yesterday !
School Joke 163
Father: Well Son, how are your exam results ? Son: They re under water Father: What do you mean ? Son: Below “C” level !
School Joke 164
Teacher : In the exam you will be allowed 30 minutes for each question. Pupil : How long for the answer sir !
School Joke 165
Teacher : What are you doing, crawling into school ten minutes late ? Pupil : Well you told me never to walk into school ten minutes late !
School Joke 166
Where do children learn their ABC’s ? At LMN-tary school !
School Joke 167
Teacher : Tommy you try my patience ! Tommy: No, teacher you had better try mine. There’s more of it !
School Joke 168
Teacher: This note from your father looks like your handwriting ? Pupil: Well, yes, he borrowed my pen !
School Joke 169
Teacher : Would you at the back of the room stop passing notes. Pupil : We re not passing notes. We re playing cards !
School Joke 170
Are you in the top half of your class ? No, I m one of the students who make the top half possible !
School Joke 171
Art Teacher: The picture of the horse is good, but where is the wagon ? Pupil: The horse will draw it !
School Joke 172
Teacher: Why are you picking your nose in class ? Pupil: My mother won’t let me do it at home !
School Joke 173
Teacher : Why are you reading the last pages of your history book first ? Pupil: I want to know how it ends !
School Joke 174
Teacher: If you have five haystacks in one corner, five in another and two in another, how many would you have ? Pupil: One big haystack !
School Joke 175
Teacher: What can we do to stop polluting our waters ? Pupil: Stop taking baths ?
School Joke 176
Teacher : Can’t you retain anything in your head overnight ? Pupil : Of course, I’ve had this cold in my head for two days !
School Joke 177
What do French pupils say after finishing their school dinners ? Mercy !
School Joke 178
Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class ? Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips !
School Joke 179
How do bees get to school ? By school buzz !
School Joke 180
Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day ? Pupil: I get up early !
School Joke 181
Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning ? About an hour and a half after I arrived at school
School Joke 182
Mother: How do you like your new teacher ? Son: I don t. She told me to sit up the front for the present and then she didn’t give me one !
School Joke 183
Mother: Does your teacher like you ? Son: Like me, she loves me. Look at all those X’s on my test paper !
School Joke 184
Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year ? Pupil: 12 – 2nd January, 2nd February…!
School Joke 185
Teacher: This is the third time I’ve had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that? Pupil: Thank heavens it’s Friday !
School Joke 186
Teacher: Why can’t you ever answer any of my questions ? Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn’t be much point in me being here !
School Joke 187
Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won’t freeze ? Pupil: Hot water !
School Joke 188
Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days ? Pupil: All of them !
School Joke 189
Teacher: What is can’t short for ? Pupil: Cannot miss Teacher: and what is don’t short for Pupil: Doughnut !
School Joke 190
Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia ? Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !
School Joke 191
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of Pupil: Life imprisonment !
School Joke 192
Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please ? Pupil: There it is Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia ? Pupil: Fred did !
School Joke 193
Teacher: What’s the longest word in the English language ? Pupil: Smiles – because there is a mile between the first and last letters
School Joke 194
Teacher: I wished you would pay a little attention Pupil: I m paying as little as I can !
School Joke 195
Teacher: In what part of the world are the people most ignorant ? Pupil: Hong Kong Teacher: Why do you say that ? Pupil: That’s where the atlas says the population is most dense !
School Joke 196
Teacher: You seem very well read, have you read Shakespeare ? Pupil: No Teacher: What have you read then ? Pupil: Umm, I’ve got red hair !
School Joke 197
Teacher: In music, if “f” means “forte”, what does “ff” mean ? Pupil: Eighty
School Joke 198
Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn’t exist 100 years ago ? Pupil: Me !
School Joke 199
Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears, do you have an infection ? Pupil: Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!
School Joke 200
Teacher: Name two pronouns ? Pupil: Who ?, me ?
School Joke 201
Teacher: Fred, I m glad to see your writing has improved. Pupil: Thank you Teacher: Now I can see how bad your spelling is though !
School Joke 202
Pupil: The art teacher doesn’t like what I m making ? Dad: Why is that, what are you making ? Pupil: Mistakes !
School Joke 203
Mother: “Why are you home from school so early?” Son: “I was the only one who could answer a question.” Mother: “Oh, really? What was the question? Son: “Who threw the eraser at the principal?”
School Joke 204
Principal: Do you do your homework? Kid: Now & Then Principal: Where do you do it? Kid: Here & There Principal: Put him in the closet!!! Kid: Hey, When will I get out? Principal: Oh, sooner or later
School Joke 205
Science teacher: What happened when electricity was first discovered? Fred: Someone got a nasty shock.
School Joke 206
Caspar: I was the teacher’s pet last year. Jaspar: Why was that? Caspar: She couldn’t afford a dog.
School Joke 207
Teacher: What is the formula for water ? George: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O Teacher: Is that the formula I gave you ? George: Sure, you said H to O !
School Joke 208
TEACHER: “Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?” JOHNNY: “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.”
School Joke 209
Q: What did one math book say to the other? A: Man I got a lot of problems!
School Joke 210
Q. Why did the jellybean go to school? A. Because he wanted to be a smarty
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