Have you ever wondered what sheep are thinking as they wander around a field all day eating grass and making that weird baa noise?
No, OK, must be just me then :-)
Funny Sheep Jokes
Funny Sheep Joke 1
Two sheep in a field
One sheep says “baaa”.
The other sheep replies “isn’t it a little early for a drink?”
Funny Sheep Joke 2
Don’t be sheepish, I don’t bite!
Funny Sheep Joke 3
How many sheep does it take to knit a sweater?
Don’t be silly, sheep can’t knit!
Funny Sheep Joke 4
If Iron Man was a sheep would he be called Steel Wool?
Funny Sheep Joke 5
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A Candy Baa.
Funny Sheep Joke 6
There were these two sheep and one of them walked into a baa.
Funny Sheep Joke 7
What do you call a sheep that plays fetch?
Funny Sheep Joke 8
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
Funny Sheep Joke 9
What do you get if you cross a boa and a sheep?
A wrap-around sweater.
Funny Sheep Joke 10
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a porcupine?
An animal that knits its own sweaters.
Consultant Sheep Joke
A shepherd was herding his flock with his sheep dog in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the busy shepherd, “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”
The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, “Sure. Why not?”
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1,889 sheep.”
“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep.” says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the shepherd says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?”
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”
“You’re a Digital Marketing Consultant.” says the shepherd.
“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required.” answered the shepherd. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don’t know crap about my business, now give me back my dog!”
Sheep Pun 1
What is a sheep’s favorite newspaper?
The Wool Street Journal.
Sheep Pun 2
What is a sheep’s favourite food?
Sheep Pun 3
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
The baa-baa shop!
Sheep Pun 4
Where do sheep get their wool cut?
At the baa-baa shop!
Sheep Pun 5
What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?
An animal that’s in a baaaaaaaad moooooood.
Sheep Pun 6
Where do sheep go when they die?
To the baa baa que.
Sheep Pun 7
Where do sheeps take a bath?
In a baaaa-th tub!
Sheep Pun 8
Why are sheep baaaaaad drivers?
They always make illegal ewe turns.
Sheep Pun 9
Why couldn’t the little lamb play outside?
It was being baaaaaaaad!
Sheep Pun 10
Why did the lamb call the police?
He had been fleeced.
Sheep Pun 11
Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?
He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
Sheep Pun 12
Why was the sheep arrested on the freeway?
Because she did a ewe-turn!
Montana Sheep Jokes
Montana Sheep Jokes 1
A man from Texas and a Montana man were driving along when all of a sudden the Texas man slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Texas man said “We Texans never pass up an opportunity like this!” And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Montana man, “Your turn.”
The Montana man bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
Montana Sheep Jokes 2
Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Montana?
The sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Montana Sheep Jokes 3
Montana has found a new use for sheep.
Sheep Joke 1
Sheeps drive lamb-orghinis.
Sheep Joke 2
What would you get if you crossed a goat and a sheep?
An animal that eats tin cans and gives back steel wool.
Sheep Joke 3
What’s a sheep’s favorite computer component?
Sheep Joke 4
What’s a sheep’s favorite mythical creature?
Sheep Joke 5
What’s a sheep’s favorite singer?
Sheep Joke 6
Why can’t sheep stop injuring themselves?
I don’t know, they just keep ramming into things!
Sheep Joke 7
Why was the lamb hiding from everyone?
It was feeling sheepish!
Sheep Joke 8
What do you get when you cross a sheep and a porcupine?
An animal that can sew its own sweaters.
Sheep Joke 9
A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman.
The policeman said, “Take that sheep to the zoo, now.”
Next day the policeman sees the man with the sheep again. The policeman stops the guy and says, “What on earth are you doing with that sheep?”
The guy says, “What is there to do? Yesterday I took him to the zoo and now I’m taking him to the movies.”
Black Sheep Jokes
Black Sheep Joke 1
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.
One day the wife of the tribe’s chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, “Look here! You’re the only white man we’ve ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened!”
The professor replied, “No, Chief. You’re mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black sheep. Nature does this on occasion.”
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, “Tell you what. You don’t say anything more about that black sheep and I won’t say anything more about that white child.”
Black Sheep Joke 2
Why did the ewe skip the family reunion?
She was always the black sheep of the family!
Funny Sheep Puns
Funny Sheep Pun 1
How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
Merry Christmas to Ewe!
Funny Sheep Pun 2
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Funny Sheep Pun 3
What animal sounds like a sheep but isn’t?
Funny Sheep Pun 4
What did the first sheep say to the other sheep as it held the gate open?
Funny Sheep Pun 5
What did the sheep want to do?
To wool the world.
Funny Sheep Pun 6
What do you call a dancing sheep?
Funny Sheep Pun 7
What do you call a religious sheep?
Funny Sheep Pun 8
What do you call a sheep that is always quiet?
Funny Sheep Pun 9
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
A b-aa-aa-aa-d situation.
Funny Sheep Pun 10
What do you call an old sheep?
Funny Sheep Pun 11
What do you call sheep taking over France?
Funny Sheep Pun 12
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
Funny Sheep Pun 13
Where do sheep go on vacation?
To the baaaaaahamas.