Snake Joke 1
An old snake goes to see his Doctor. “Doc, I need something for my eyes… can’t see well these days”.
The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.
Doc says, “What’s the problem…didn’t the glasses help you?”
“The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years!”
Snake Joke 2
Did you hear about the stupid snake?
He lost his skin.
Snake Joke 3
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I m a python. Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know.
Snake Joke 4
Have you heard about the slippery eel?
Didn’t think so, you wouldn’t be able to grasp it!
Snake Joke 5
So glad to meet you said the Hindu politely?
“Charmed I’m sure”, replied the snake!
Snake Joke 6
There where two snakes talking. The 1st one said “Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they’re dead or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisoned?”
Then the second Snake says “Why do you ask?”
The 1st one replies: “I just bit my lip!”
Snake Joke 7
What did the mother snake say to her crying baby?
Stop crying and viper your nose!
Snake Joke 8
What do you call a python with a great bedside manner?
A snake charmer!
Snake Joke 9
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa!
Snake Joke 10
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
Snake Joke 11
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders!
Snake Joke 12
What do you get if you cross a glow-worm with a python?
A twenty-foot-long strip-light that can squeeze you to death.
Snake Joke 13
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass!
Snake Joke 14
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra!
Snake Joke 15
What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo?
A jump rope!
Snake Joke 16
What happened when a deadly rattle snake bit a witch?
He died in agony!
Snake Joke 17
What is a snakes favourite opera?
Wriggletto!
Snake Joke 18
What is another word for a python?
A mega-bite!
Snake Joke 19
What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?
Chimney Cricket!
Snake Joke 20
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters!
Snake Joke 21
What should you do if you find a snake sleeping in your bed?
Sleep in the wardrobe!
Snake Joke 22
What song to snakes like to sing?
Viva Aspana!
Snake Joke 23
What sort of perfume do snakes prefer?
Poison by Christian Dior!
Snake Joke 24
What’s a python’s favourite pop group?
Squeeze!
Snake Joke 25
What’s a snakes favourite dance?
Snake, rattle and roll!
Snake Joke 26
What’s a snakes favourite flower?
Coily-flowers!
Snake Joke 27
What’s a snakes favourite TV program?
Monty Python!
Snake Joke 28
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp!
Snake Joke 29
What’s the difference between a headmaster and a poisonous snake?
You can make a pet out of a snake!
Snake Joke 30
Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake?
Someone else’s!
Snake Joke 31
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull!
Snake Joke 32
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other!
Snake Joke 33
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder handkerchief!
Snake Puns
Snake Pun 1
What did one snake say to another?
Hiss off!
Snake Pun 2
What did the snake say to the cornered rat?
Hiss is the end of the line for you!
Snake Pun 3
What did the snake say when another asked him the time?
Don’t asp me!
Snake Pun 4
What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese?
Thanks, I’ll just have a sliver!
Snake Pun 5
What do most people do when they see a python?
They re-coil!
Snake Pun 6
What do snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers!
Snake Pun 7
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake!
Snake Pun 8
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent!
Snake Pun 9
What do you get if crossed a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa!
Snake Pun 10
What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set?
A boa constructor!
Snake Pun 11
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor!
Snake Pun 12
What do you get if you cross a snake with a hotdog?
A fangfurther.
Snake Pun 13
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin!
Snake Pun 14
What kind of snake is good at math?
An adder.
Snake Pun 15
What kind of snake is useful on your windscreen?
A viper!
Snake Pun 16
What snakes are good at sums?
Adders!
Snake Pun 17
What subject are snakes good at school?
Hiss-tory!
Snake Pun 18
What’s a snake’s favourite food?
Hiss Cakes!
Snake Pun 19
What’s a snakes favourite dance?
The mamba!
Snake Pun 20
What’s the best thing about deadly snakes?
They’ve got poisonality!
Snake Pun 21
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues!
Snake Pun 22
Why did some snakes disobey Noah when he said “Go forth and multiply”?
They couldn’t, they were adders!
Snake Pun 23
Why did the python do national service?
He was coiled up!
Snake Pun 24
Why did the viper want to become a python?
He got the coiling.
Snake Pun 25
Why wouldn’t the snake go on the weighing machine?
Because he had his own scales!
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