It’s joke time, time for the top jokes of all time, take your eyes of the clock and settle down to the funniest time of your life.
Funny Time Jokes
Funny Time Joke 1
“I hope you’re not one of those boys who sits and watches the school clock?” said the principal to a new boy.
“No, Sir. I’ve got a digital watch that bleeps at three-fifteen.”
Funny Time Joke 2
Customer: “I’d like a watch that tells time.”
Clerk: “Don’t you have a watch that tells time?”
Customer: “No, you have to look at it.”
Funny Time Joke 3
If twenty dogs run after one cat, what time is it?
Twenty after one.
Funny Time Joke 4
If your watch is broken, why can’t you go fishing?
Because you don’t have the time.
Funny Time Joke 5
That boy is so dirty, the only time he washes his ears is when he eats watermelon.
Funny Time Joke 6
What are your two favourite times to party?
Daytime and night-time!
Funny Time Joke 7
What kind of watch is best for people who don’t like time on their hands?
A pocket watch.
Funny Time Joke 8
When do clocks die?
When their time is up.
Funny Time Joke 9
When is the best time to go shopping?
When the stores are open.
Funny Time Joke 10
Why couldn’t the clock be kept in jail?
Because time was always running out.
Time Puns
Time Pun 1
How can you tell when witches are carrying a time bomb?
You can hear their brooms tick!
Time Pun 2
What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend?
Long time no sea.
Time Pun 3
What dog can tell the time?
A watch dog!
Time Pun 4
What time is it when you sit on a pin?
Spring time.
Time Pun 5
What time is it when your watchdog lets a robber take the family silver?
Time to get a new watchdog.
Time Pun 6
Why did the kid put his clock in the oven?
He wanted to have a hot time.
Time Pun 7
Why did the man put a clock under his desk?
He wanted to work overtime.
Time Pun 8
Why did your sister shoot the alarm clock?
Because she felt like killing time.
Time Pun 9
Why do people beat their clocks?
To kill time.
Time Pun 10
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets when a clock is around?
Because time will tell.
Daylight Saving Time Jokes
If we ever run out of dad jokes we’ve always got daylight savings time jokes to fall back on.
Daylight Saving Time Joke 1
Daylight saving time means the clock in my car is finally correct again.
Daylight Saving Time Joke 2
Daylight Saving Time: Because your sleep schedule isn’t screwed up enough as it is.
Daylight Saving Time Joke 3
Daylight savings time is some really shady accounting!
Daylight Saving Time Joke 4
Daylight savings time should be renamed mehwhedhurztshengy because that’s how my brain feels right now!
Daylight Saving Time Joke 5
Don’t think of it as losing an hour of sleep this weekend, think of it as being an hour closer to breakfast.
Daylight Saving Time Joke 6
During daylight saving time everyone loses their happy hour!
Daylight Saving Time Joke 7
Hands up if you feel personally victimized by daylight savings time!
Daylight Saving Time Joke 8
I can’t believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in!
Daylight Saving Time Joke 9
I don’t need daylight saving time to show up to work an hour late.
Daylight Saving Time Joke 10
I forgot it’s daylight savings and was really confused how I spent an hour making 2 slices of toast!
Daylight Saving Time Joke 11
I’m not saying I love switching to daylight saving time, I’m just saying I never drink before noon.
Daylight Saving Time Joke 12
I’ve been working 25/7 to come up with a joke about daylight savings time.
Daylight Saving Time Joke 13
If I wasn’t so blinking tired I would protest daylight saving time.
Daylight Saving Time Joke 14
It’s time to spring forward to a maladjusted sleep cycle.
Daylight Saving Time Joke 15
Let’s set our clocks ahead 4 years. #TrumpWins
Daylight Saving Time Joke 16
Made love to my wife for an hour and two minutes last night, thanks, daylight savings time!
Daylight Saving Time Joke 17
Not only is it daylight savings time today, but also International Women’s Day.
Apparently a full 24 hours to celebrate women would have been a bit much.
Daylight Saving Time Joke 18
Raising children feels like waking up on the first morning of daylight savings time every day for 18 years!
Daylight Saving Time Joke 19
Since when is less sleep and more daylight a good thing?
Daylight Saving Time Joke 20
Sorry if you lost an hour trying to figure out if we gained or lost an hour this weekend!
Daylight Saving Time Joke 21
The best thing about daylight savings time is it shortens the current Presidential term by one hour.
Daylight Saving Time Joke 22
The hour we lose this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
Daylight Saving Time Joke 23
Walked in on my idiot brother as he was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
I told him, “You better get your hearing checked bro, you’re supposed to turn your clock back!”
Daylight Saving Time Joke 24
We lost an hour last night, but look on the bright side, we’re that much closer to happy hour.
Daylight Saving Time Joke 25
Well Dad, it’s daylight savings time so that really means I woke up at 1:45PM so I’m not as useless as you think!
Daylight Saving Time Joke 26
Why can’t Spring daylight savings time happen at 4PM on a work Friday?
Time Travel Jokes
Time Travel Joke 1
“I can’t wait to see Back To The Future 4. It was pretty good!”
Time Travel Joke 2
A time traveler walks into a bar. He enjoyed his food so much he went back four seconds.
Time Travel Joke 3
At school I was voted “most likely to travel back in time, class of 2099.”
Time Travel Joke 4
Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing into the future!
When did this start?
Next Thursday afternoon.
Time Travel Joke 5
I always wanted to get into sci-fi movies about time travel, but my interest in time travel ended before it really began.
Time Travel Joke 6
I asked my greedy brother if there was any food left and he said “Only if you can time travel!”
Time Travel Joke 7
I bumped into a very good friend who’s a fellow member of my time traveling club. We go back years.
Time Travel Joke 8
I think my wife is a time traveler
Doctors are saying we should avoid close physical contact to stop the spread of the coronavirus.
Somehow she knew about this years ago.
Time Travel Joke 9
I used to be addicted to time travel, but that’s all in the past now.
Time Travel Joke 10
I was going to tell a joke about time travel but nobody laughed.
Time Travel Joke 11
I won a prize in the local time travel club raffle, two tickets to the 1966 World Cup final.
Time Travel Joke 12
I’m a time traveler, and I came here to tell you a joke from the future.
But it’s just too far ahead of its time.
Time Travel Joke 13
I’m tempted to take up time travel, but I’m not sure there’s any future in it.
Time Travel Joke 14
If I could time travel I’d go to my funeral and take the names of people who seemed to be handling it a little too well.
Time Travel Joke 15
Knock knock
Who is it?
A time traveler
A time traveler who?
Knock knock
Time Travel Joke 16
My friend invented a device to bring back herbs from the future. He calls it his “thyme machine.”
Time Travel Joke 17
My relationship with a time traveling girl was a complete disaster.
It was over even before it began.
Time Travel Joke 18
NASA should hire birds as time travel researchers, birds have been studying wormholes for thousands of years!
Time Travel Joke 19
The bartender says “we don’t serve time travelers in here.”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Time Travel Joke 20
The lab have postponed their next time travel experiment until last week.
Time Travel Joke 21
The past, the present and the future walked into a bar.
It was tense.
Time Travel Joke 22
Time travel classes: starts last Friday.
Time Travel Joke 23
What do we want?
Time travel!
When do we want it?
It’s irrelevant!
Time Travel Joke 24
What do you call a time traveling cow?
Doctor Moo
Time Travel Joke 25
What happens if Doctor Who goes back in time and sees himself?
A pair o’ docs.
Time Travel Joke 26
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
What Time is it Jokes
What Time is it Joke 1
1st Roman Soldier: What is the time?
2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII!
What Time is it Joke 2
A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45.
The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied, “You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer.”
What Time is it Joke 3
A man with one watch knows what time it is.
A man with two watches is never sure.
What Time is it Joke 4
Do you know the time?
No, we haven’t met yet!
What Time is it Joke 5
Julie: “What time is it?”
Counselor: “Three o clock.”
Julie: “Oh,no!”
Counselor: “What’s the matter?”
Julie: “I’ve been asking the time all day. And everybody gives me a different answer!”
What Time is it Joke 6
What time is it when a clock strikes thirteen?
Time to get it fixed.
What Time is it Joke 7
What time is it when an elephant sits on your car?
Time to get a new car.
What Time is it Joke 8
What time is it when five dogs are chasing a cat down the street?
Five after one.
What Time is it Joke 9
Even though he could not tell time, my three-year-old grandson was wearing a watch when I visited.
Later, when I was putting on my coat to leave, I asked him what time it was.
He looked at his watch blankly, then brightened. “It’s time for you to go,” he answered triumphantly.
What Time is it Joke 10
Two Scouts camping in their backyard wanted to know the time, so they started singing at the top of their lungs.
Then one of their neighbors threw open his window and yelled, “Cut the noise! Don’t you know it’s 3 o’clock in the morning?”
Time Jokes
Time Joke 1
Why did the girl sit on her watch?
She wanted to be on time.
Time Joke 2
Why is the time in the USA behind that of England?
Because England was discovered before the USA!
Time Joke 3
For a wedding present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars. Two weeks later he asked him, “Watcha do with the money, son?”
“Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!” answered the boy.
“Yew dumb ignoramus!” yelled his father.
“Yew should av bought yoreself a rifle!”
“A rifle, What fer?”
“Supposin one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin wid yore wife,” explained the older redneck. “W atcha gonna do?
Wake him up and ask him what time it is?”
Time Joke 4
One day a man met three beggars.
To the first he gave a dime, to the second a dime, and to the third a nickel. What time was it?
A quarter to three.
Time Joke 5
The proud owner of an impressive new clock was showing it off to a friend. “This clock”, he said, “will go for 14 days without winding”.
“Really” replied his friend, “And how long will it go if you do wind it?”
Time Joke 6
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.
“What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked.
“That is the talking clock,” the man replied.
“How’s it work?” the friend asked.
“Watch,” the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It’s two AM!”
Time Joke 7
A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep.
As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city’s major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window.
He looked out and saw a jogger running in place. “Yes?”
“Excuse me, sir,” the jogger said, “do you have the time?”
The man looked at the car clock and answered, “8:15”.
The jogger said thanks and left.
The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger. “Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?”
“8:25!”
The jogger said thanks and left.
Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, “I do not know the time!”
Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.
“Sir, sir? It’s 8:45!”
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