Waiter Joke 1
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! Waiter: Don’t worry, Sir, it’s not that hot!
Waiter Joke 2
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. “Are you crazy?” yelled the customer, “with your hand on my steak?” “What” answers the waiter, “You want it to fall on the floor again?”
Waiter Joke 3
Waiter: “Tea or coffee, gentlemen?” 1st customer: “I ll have tea.” 2nd customer: “Me, too – and be sure the glass is clean!” (Waiter exits, returns) Waiter: “Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?”
Waiter Joke 4
Waiter, waiter, do you have frog’s legs? Certainly, Sir! Well hop over here and get me a sandwich!
Waiter Joke 5
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!” The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
Waiter Joke 6
Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard.
Waiter Joke 7
Waiter, What’s this fly doing in my soup? Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir
Waiter Joke 8
Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup! Don’t worry sir, the spider on the breadroll will get em.
Waiter Joke 9
Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup! No sir, that’s a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.
Waiter Joke 10
Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup! Keep it down sir, or they ll all be wanting one.
Waiter Joke 11
Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup! Its OK, Sir, there’s no extra charge!
Waiter Joke 12
Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup! Force of habit, sir. Our chef used to be a tailor.
Waiter Joke 13
Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup! Couldn’t be, sir. The cook used them all in the raisin bread.
Waiter Joke 14
Waiter, there is a fly in my soup! I know, but unfortunately we are out of turtle.
Waiter Joke 15
Waiter, there is a fly in my soup! Sorry sir, maybe I’ve forgotten it when I removed the other three.
Waiter Joke 16
Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup! Surely not, sir. It must be one of those vitamin bees you hear so much about.
Waiter Joke 17
Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup! Then we’ve served you too much soup, the fly should be wading
Waiter Joke 18
Waiter, there’s a dead fly in my soup! Yes sir, it’s the hot water that kills them.
Waiter Joke 19
Waiter, there’s a dead fly in my soup! What do you expect for $1 – a live one?
Waiter Joke 20
Waiter, What’s this fly doing in my soup? It’s fly soup sir!
Waiter Joke 21
Waiter, waiter, there’s a bee in my soup. Yes Sir, it’s the fly’s day off.
Waiter Joke 22
Waiter, I d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream. I m sorry, sir, but we re out of cream. How about with no milk?
Waiter Joke 23
Waiter, what is this stuff? That’s bean salad sir. I know what it’s been, but what is it now?
Waiter Joke 24
Waiter, I can’t seem to find any oysters in this oyster soup. Would you expect to find angels in angel cake?
Waiter Joke 25
Waiter, your tie is in my soup! That’s all right, sir, it’s not shrinkable.
Waiter Joke 26
And how did you find your steak sir? Well, quite accidentally. I moved this tomato slice and there it was
Waiter Joke 27
Waiter: These are the best eggs we’ve had for years. Diner: Well, bring me some you haven’t had around for that long.
Waiter Joke 28
How many waiters does it take to change a light bulb? None, a burned out bulb can’t catch a waiter’s eye.
Waiter Joke 29
Waiter, waiter! There’s a dead spider in my soup. Yes, ma am, they can’t stand the boiling water.
Waiter Joke 30
Waiter, waiter! There’s a spider in my soup. Send for the manager! It’s no good, sir, he’s frightened of them, too.
Waiter Joke 31
Waiter, waiter! What’s this creepy crawly thing doing in my dinner? Oh, that one ? he comes here every night.
Waiter Joke 32
Why do waiters prefer elephants to flies? Have you ever heard anyone complaining of a elephant in their soup? .
Waiter Joke 33
What will a monster eat in a restaurant? The waiter.
Waiter Joke 34
Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny. Waiter: So laugh, sir.
Waiter Joke 35
Waiter, waiter! There’s a mosquito in my soup. Don’t worry sir, mosquitoes have very small appetites !
Waiter Joke 36
I say waiter, there’s a fly in my soup! Well throw him a doughnut – they make fantastic life belts!
Waiter Joke 37
Waiter, waiter, this lobster’s only got one claw. It must have been in a fight, sir. Then bring me the winner.
Waiter Joke 38
Waiter, waiter,there”s a hand in my soup. “That’s not your soup, sir, that’s your finger bowl.”
Waiter Joke 39
Waiter, waiter! There’s a wasp in my dessert. So that’s where they go to in the winter.
Waiter Joke 40
Customer: Do you have bacon and eggs on the menu: Waiter: No, we clean our menus regularly.
Waiter Joke 41
Customer: How come the Board of Health hasn’t come in and closed you up? Waiter: They re afraid to eat here.
Waiter Joke 42
Customer: How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered? Waiter: Well, you know how slow turtles are.
Waiter Joke 43
Customer: I didn’t order this. Waiter: I know, but your meal tastes worse.
Waiter Joke 44
Customer: I thought the meals here were supposed to be like mother used to make. Waiter: They are. She couldn’t cook either.
Waiter Joke 45
Customer: That crust on the apple pie was too tough. Waiter: That wasn’t the crust, that was the pie plate.
Waiter Joke 46
Customer: There’s something wrong with my hot dogs. Waiter: Sorry, I m a waiter, not a veterinarian.
Waiter Joke 47
Customer: This fish isn’t as good as what I ordered here last month. Waiter: That’s funny. It’s from the same fish.
Waiter Joke 48
Customer: Waiter, I can’t eat this meal. Waiter: Why not? It looks all right to me. Customer: I don’t have a fork.
Waiter Joke 49
Customer: Waiter, I found a hair in my turtle soup. Waiter: How about that! The turtle and the hare finally got together.
Waiter Joke 50
Customer: Waiter, look at this chicken! It’s nothing but skin and bones. Waiter: Would you like the feathers, too?
Waiter Joke 51
Customer: Waiter, there’s a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing.
Waiter Joke 52
Customer: Waiter, this food is repeating on me. Waiter: Good, we love repeat business.
Waiter Joke 53
Customer: What is this fly doing in my alphabet soup? Waiter: Probably learning to read.
Waiter Joke 54
Customer: Why does your sign say “Fine Dining”? Waiter: We can dream, can’t we?
Waiter Joke 55
Customer: Why doesn’t this restaurant have any specials? Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special.
Waiter Joke 56
Customer: Why doesn’t your menu list prices? Waiter: We didn’t want to make you sick before the food does.
Waiter Joke 57
Customer: Why don’t you eat here, waiter? Waiter: Serving it is bad enough, I don’t want to compound the felony.
Waiter Joke 58
Customer: Why don’t you have doggie bags? Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals.
Waiter Joke 59
Customer: Why is this sandwich half eaten? Waiter: I didn’t have time to finish it.
Waiter Joke 60
Diner: Could I have a glass of water? Waiter: To drink? Diner: No, I want to rinse out a few things.
Waiter Joke 61
Diner: May I please have a glass of water? Waiter: Why, are you thirsty? Diner: No, I want to see if my neck leaks.
Waiter Joke 62
Diner: Waiter, please close the window. Waiter: Why, is there a draft? Diner: Yes, it’s blown my steak off the plate three times.
Waiter Joke 63
Diner: Waitress, the portions are getting smaller. Waiter: It’s just an optical illusion. It’s just that the restaurant has been enlarged.
Waiter Joke 64
Diner: What’s wrong with these eggs I ordered? Waiter: Don’t ask me. I only laid the table.
Waiter Joke 65
Diner: Why are the waiters in here so nasty? Waiter: Look at who they have to serve.
Waiter Joke 66
Patron: Didn’t you tell me the chef here cooked for the late heads of Europe? Waiter: Yes, and that’s why they are the late heads of Europe.
Waiter Joke 67
Patron: Hey, there’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Why are you complaining? Isn’t it cooked?
Waiter Joke 68
Patron: How come this fly is swimming in my soup? Waiter: I gave you too much. It should be wading.
Waiter Joke 69
Patron: This bread is stale. Waiter: It wasn’t last week.
Waiter Joke 70
Patron: Waiter, why is there a spider in my glass? Waiter: It scares away the flies.
Waiter Joke 71
Waiter (serving soup): It looks like rain today. Patron: Yes it does, but it smells like soup.
Waiter Joke 72
Waiter: If you know the food here is so lousy, why do you keep coming back? Customer: It reminds me of my ex-wife’s cooking.
Waiter Joke 73
Waiter: I m sorry I spilled a glass of water on you. Diner: That’s all right. My suit is too large anyway.
Waiter Joke 74
Waiter: I m sorry to keep you waiting. Your soup will be ready soon. Customer: What bait are you using?
Waiter Joke 75
Waiter: Why are you taking so long to order? Diner: I can’t decide whether I want heartburn or nausea.
Waiter Joke 76
Waiter: Why didn’t you make all the food on that long order? Cook: Because I m a short order cook.
Waiter Joke 77
Q: How many Waiters does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, even a burned out bulb can’t catch a waiters eye
Waiter Joke 78
Waiter ! Have you got frogs” legs ? “No, sir, I always walk this way”
Waiter Joke 79
Waiter, Waiter there’s a fly in my ice-cream ! Gee I did not know that they had started winter sports so early in the year !
Waiter Joke 80
Waiter, is there soup on the menu ? No, madam I wiped it off !
Waiter Joke 81
Waiter, there’s a fly in my custard ! I ll fetch him a spoon sir !
Waiter Joke 82
Waiter, there is a cockroach on my steak ! They don’t seem to care what they eat do they sir !
Waiter Joke 83
Waiter, there is a maggot in my soup ! Don’t worry sir, he won’t last long in there !
Waiter Joke 84
Waiter, there is a spider drowning in my soup ! It hardly looks deep enough to drown in sir !
Waiter Joke 85
Waiter, there is a worm on my plate ! That’s not a worm sir, it’s your sausage ?
Waiter Joke 86
Waiter, there is a fly in my wine ! Well you did ask for something with a little body in it!
Waiter Joke 87
Waiter, there is a fly in my soup ! Yes sir, thats the manager, the last customer was a witch doctor !
Waiter Joke 88
Waiter, my lunch is talking to me ! Well you did ask for a tongue sandwich !
Waiter Joke 89
Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup ! Yes, it’s the rotting meat that attracts them !
Waiter Joke 90
Waiter, are there snails on the menu ! Yes sir, they must have escaped from the kitchen !
Waiter Joke 91
Waiter, there is a mosquito in my soup ! Don’t worry sir, they don’t eat much !
Waiter Joke 92
Waiter, there is a bee in my alphabet soup ! Yes sir, and I m sure there is an A, C and all the other letters too !
Waiter Joke 93
Waiter, there is a fly in my soup ! Hold on sir, I ll get the fly spray !
Waiter Joke 94
Waiter, I can’t eat this meat, it’s crawling with maggots ! Quick, run to the other end of the table and grab it as it goes by !
Waiter Joke 95
Waiter, what is this cockroach doing on my ice cream sundae ? Skiing sir !
Waiter Joke 96
Waiter, there is a fly in my bean soup ! Don’t worry sir I ll fish him out and exchange it for a bean !
Waiter Joke 97
Waiter, what is this creepy-crawly doing in my salad? Not him again, he’s in here every night !
Waiter Joke 98
Waiter, What’s this bug doing waltzing around my table ! It’s the band, sir, they are playing his tune !
Waiter Joke 99
Waiter, there is a dead fly in my soup ! No its not, it’s a piece of dirt that looks like one !
Waiter Joke 100
Waiter, there is a frog in my soup ! Don’t worry sir there isn’t enough there to drown him !
Waiter Joke 101
Waiter, can you get rid of this fly in my starter ! I can’t do that sir, he’s not had his main course yet !
Waiter Joke 102
Sir you haven’t touched your custard. I m just waiting for the fly to stop using it as a trampoline !
Waiter Joke 103
Waiter! shouted the furious diner, “How dare you serve me this! There’s a damn TWIG in my soup!” “My apologies,” said the waiter. “I ll inform the branch manager.”
Waiter Joke 104
CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig cooler? WAITER: Sure, spray him with a hose.
Waiter Joke 105
CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig shake? WAITER: Tell him the wolf is coming.
Waiter Joke 106
CUSTOMER: How do you make a pig float? WAITER: Just give him an inner tube.
Waiter Joke 107
Waiter! Waiter! This salad is frozen solid. Yes, sir. It’s the iceberg lettuce that does it.
Waiter Joke 108
Waiter, this coffee tastes like dirt! Yes sir, thats because it was only ground this morning.