After making a comment on the Barack Obama Jokes page basically about how great it is to be able to poke fun at presidents because we live in safe countries, I realised I can also poke fun at not so democratically elected presidents like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the Iranian president :)
So here goes, Funny Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Jokes or funny political quotes to be precise.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Bill Maher
No, it’s sad about Iran, but what do you expect about a country with a government that’s propped up by oil, that’s led by a religious wacko? Kind of like Alaska.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Bill Maher
The silver lining in this dark cloud is that Twitter found a reason to exist. Don’t you know that this could be the first revolution brought to you by Twitter? Because that’s how people are communicating to go of the rallies and so forth, and show the pictures of what’s going on. Authorities, of course, in Iran shut down cell phone networks. They shut down the Internet. Calls are absolutely not getting through or they’re dropped immediately. Or as T-Mobile calls it, normal service.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Bill Maher
The Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, said this election was not rigged, the results are final, and you can protest all you want, but if you keep doing it, we’re going to start cracking heads. Now if we could only get this guy to call Norm Coleman.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
A lot of turmoil in Iran right now over the recent presidential election. People protesting the election results have been avoiding the government media crackdown by posting messages on Twitter. The tweets declare that Ahmadinejad stole the election and that Jabeer is enjoying a lamb kabob.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
During his speech at Columbia University, President Ahmadinejad said his country ‘doesn’t have problems with gay people because they don’t have homosexuals in Iran.’ Which finally explains why Ahmadinejad gets away with wearing a windbreaker from 1983.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
More unrest in Iran as the government continues to crack down on protesters. And to disperse crowds, Iranian police used tear gas, water cannons and the NBC primetime lineup.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
Obviously, ladies and gentlemen, big, big news is from Iran right now. Incredible, three days of riots, street fighting, people setting fire to everything. I’m not sure who won over there, Ahmadinejad or the Lakers.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
People are suspecting that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s re-election may have been a sham because he’s claiming he won by a 2-1 margin. They’re also suspicious of Ahmadinejad’s claim that he’s dating Megan Fox.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
President Ahmadinejad is claiming that he won, causing a lot of controversy. Some people say that Ahmadinejad cheated a little bit. They’re now that saying weeks before the election President Ahmadinejad distributed 400,000 tons of potatoes to voters in rural areas. Who knew he’d be put over the top by the Iranian-Irish vote?
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
Some experts are saying the Iranian election was rigged because in some towns, voter turnout was more than 100%. What’s even stranger, all those extra votes were from elderly Jewish people in Palm Beach, Florida.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
The president of Iran gave a speech in New York City today, and thousands of New Yorkers are really upset about it. The New Yorkers said, ‘If we want to hear a short-tempered Iranian man yell at us, we’ll take a cab.’
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
Yesterday, controversial Iranian President Ahmadinejad insisted that Iran has freedom of the press. He says there are 30 newspapers published there that oppose his government. So, if you’re keeping track, that’s 30 opposition newspapers and 0 gay people.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
Yesterday, Iran’s President Ahmadinejad said that his country doesn’t have problems with gay people because they don’t have homosexuals in Iran. Although Ahmadinejad did admit that sometimes one Iranian will take another Iranian’s penis hostage.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Craig Ferguson
Election returns are kind of hard to believe. According to the numbers, both opposition candidates lost to Ahma-Dinna-Jacket in their hometowns. That’s like Barack Obama losing in the city of Chicago. I’m not, in any way, suggesting Iranian politics are as corrupt as Chicago, but even Blagojevich is like, ‘Oh, they’re good.’
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Craig Ferguson
Iran had its presidential election. President Ahma-Dinna-Jacket was way behind in the polls. And then, lo and behold, he won big, everywhere – in big cities, rural areas, even in Florida.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
Ahmadinejad has declared himself the winner of the election and is planning his inauguration. And I said, ‘Well, why not? The country is really in a party mood. Let’s go. Let’s get those plans in order. Let’s have some fun.’
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
And then, after the elections, the supreme leader in Iran certified the election results and shipped the crooked voting machines back to Florida.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
Because earlier, in the Iranian elections, it was a tie. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the other guy were tied, and now, couple a days later, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wins by a landslide. I don’t know. People are very upset. I mean, they sparked violent protests, calls for investigation, there is national outrage. Uh, wait a minute, that’s me.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
But I hope they get this figured out. I hope it goes away soon, because the last thing we need is unrest in the Middle East.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
But the guy, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, he’s very happy that he won. He was up all night shooting nuclear missiles into the air.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
But the Iranian government is planning a curfew because things are getting so crazy in Iran. And I thought if there is one thing an angry mob respects, by God, it’s a curfew, isn’t it?
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
But the supreme leader said that the Iranian elections were not rigged. Well, that’s good enough for me.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
But there were problems with the ballots in the Iranian election. And who would have thought that? There was a mistake. Thousands of Iranians ended up voting for Pat Buchanan.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
But this guy, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, I mean, he claims victory and he is very unpopular. And the danger politically of this, he could ruin the political career of his brother, Jeb Ahmadinejad.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
Have you been following what’s going on in Iran? Oh, it’s crazy. They had the election. Now it looks like there was some monkey business going on. And now people are demonstrating in the streets. And the government has imposed a curfew, in Iran. I was thinking, whoa, I just hope this doesn’t ruin the swinging Iranian night life.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
Have you folks been following the Iranian elections? Well how about this Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? You know, he won, he has won the election now. And people are angry, and they’re demanding a recount. And as a matter of fact, the last unofficial account actually had Al Franken ahead. They’ve gone crazy.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
Here’s the breakdown of the Iranian election: 63 percent of the vote for Ahmadinejad; Moussavi, he’s got 34 percent of the vote; and 3 percent of the vote goes to Ralph Nader.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
How about that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? What a guy this guy is, huh? According to this guy, he says there are no homosexuals in Iran. I guess that explains the pathetic state of their musical theatre.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
How many of you folks are following the elections in Iran? Hard not to. It’s compelling. Well, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was re-elected and won by a landslide, ladies and gentlemen. And I, you know, I guess the voters couldn’t resist his good looks and charisma.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
The leader of Iran’s opposition party, Mousavi, the guy who apparently lost in the election, says he’s ready to become a martyr. Don’t kid yourselves. It’s tough being a martyr nowadays, really. I mean, with the economy and all the budget cuts. When you die now, because of the economy, you’re only going to be greeted by 35, maybe 40 virgins, tops.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
Well, here’s more big news going on in Iran. You folks been following the Iranian elections? Well, here it is. It’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and his opponent, Mir Hussein Moussavi. And they had one of those friendly bets. If Ahmadinejad wins the election, he gets a crate of figs, see. If Moussavi wins the election, he gets brutally slain.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
You folks are here during a great week. It’s ‘Lunatic Dictator Week’ in New York City. … Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is here to visit the U.N., and also to recover some stolen sports memorabilia. … Earlier today, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke at Columbia University. Oh my gosh, ladies and gentleman, there hasn’t been this many angry protesting students at a college since Ball State named a building after me
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
You folks are here on a historic night. The entire balcony is filled with gay Iranians. … A couple of days ago, up at Columbia University … Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said that there are no homosexuals in Iran. By the way, that’s why in Iran, it’s nearly impossible to get your dog groomed.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
You folks following the Iranian elections? Well, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the winner. And lots of protests. And it got to be so crazy that Iran’s supreme leader actually spoke live on television last night. And it preempted Al Jazeera’s most popular show, their number one show over there, which is ‘How I Met Your Camel.’
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
Actually, there was a lot of controversy over letting him speak at Columbia. The dean of the university said that he would even let Hitler speak. Apparently, he didn’t realize he just did.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
Ahmadinejad … is against drugs, he’s against alcohol, against premarital sex, against homosexuality and pornography. What’s he speaking at a college for? Good luck finding any common ground with those kids.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
As you know, the Iranian president said a lot of stupid things yesterday. My favorite is when he said there are no homosexuals in Iran. In fact, today, Idaho Senator Larry Craig volunteered to go over there on an ass-finding mission.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
As you know, women in Iran have to cover up. … Premarital sex is against the law. In fact, a man can’t even touch a woman over there unless you’re married. There’s no R-rated movies. I’m surprised all guys in Iran aren’t gay by now.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
Earlier today, [Ahmadinejad] spoke to students at Columbia University. You know why he chose Columbia? … ‘Cause Notre Dame’s football program sucks this year. … No, it was tricky because he had to have an interpreter that could lie in two languages.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
My favorite part of his speech is when he said there are no homosexuals in Iran. That’s what he said. Too bad, because they need somebody to choreograph those parades they have every week.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
The Iranian President … is coming to New York, but he’s been denied permission to go to Ground Zero in New York City. He wanted to go to Ground Zero. I got an idea. Is there any way we can bring Ground Zero to him?
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
The president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahma-nut job, has arrived in the United States. Did you know he was issued a visa to come here? Isn’t that amazing? You need a visa to get into the United States now, when did they start with that? … You know the interesting part? After he landed, he actually drove his own cab in from the airport.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
Yesterday at Columbia University, it was ‘Take Your Insane Dictator To Work Day.’ There was a lot of controversy about letting the Iranian president speak here in the United States, much less at a university. I have to admit, I didn’t like it. … I mean, if he wants to condemn this country and our president, you do it the proper way … you win an Academy Award.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jimmy Fallon
Today, Iran’s Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khomeini, said there’s no fraud in the election, and the results will stand. That was the word from the supreme leader. I don’t know, I wouldn’t mind a second opinion from the other supreme leaders: Burrito Supreme, Taco Supreme, and of course, Diana Ross.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jimmy Fallon
Well, the results from Iran’s presidential elections are in. And Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has declared victory. But his opponent, Mir-Hossein Mousavi, is claiming ballot fraud and wants an investigation. If that doesn’t work, he’s planning on making a documentary about global warming.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jimmy Kimmel
Iranian President Mahmoud Ah-members only jacket-jad is headed back home tonight after a whirl-wind trip to New York. He said many, many crazy things during his time here, but the one most people seemed focused on, I certainly am, is his contention that there are no homosexuals in Iran. That claim was challenged by an Iranian news reporter [on screen: Ahmadinejad saying he knows no homosexuals after Iranian reporter says she knows several gay Iranians]. Neither did Larry Craig, right?
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jimmy Kimmel
Some massive protests continued today in Iran. Hundreds of thousands of people swarmed the streets to protest what they believe was election fraud in the re-election of President Mahmoud A Members Only Jacket.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jimmy Kimmel
The President of Iran is in the United States. President Mahmoud Ah-members only jacket-jad addressed the United Nations General Assembly today. … This guy is nuts. He denies the Holocaust happened. He says his country has no homosexuals. He’s looked very hard for them, he’s even placed personal ads. … Hey, maybe if there were homosexuals in Iran, he’d be better dressed
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jon Stewart
Ladies and gentlemen, the face of evil, the Hitler of our generation. Let’s hear his terrifying words [on screen: Ahmadinejad claiming that there are no homosexuals in Iran]. … That’s so interesting there are no homosexuals in Iran because in America, there are no homosexuals in our conservative movement either.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jon Stewart
New York City today abuzz. The big talk? Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is here speaking at the U.N. and actually touring our fair city. Start spreading the news … ‘Death to America.’ … Even before his arrival, Ahmadinejad caused a stir by saying he wanted to visit Ground Zero, a request many New Yorkers saw as the ultimate insult. Or so they thought, until the diminutive Iranian got off his plane at Kennedy Airport [on screen: Ahmadinejad with a Boston Red Sox hat on]. … The really dickish part about that? He’s a Twins fan.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jon Stewart
With the streets here gridlocked by security, how would Ahmadinejad have the time to make all these commitments? Simple. He gets to drive in the Holocaust Deniers Lane. One thing you can’t deny is the time you’ll save.
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