A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, “I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?” “Why sure,”; said the manager, “we have something that works especially well for that.” A couple minutes later, […]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Green, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Rodney, what's your problem?” Rodney answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!” Ms. Green had […]

A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it. Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when […]

yo mama so fat when she steps on the scale her phone number pops up yo mama joke 101 Submitted by yo mama jokes

Murphy’s Combat Laws are very funny, a fresh take on the very old Murphy’s Laws states…. Murphy’s Laws of Combat 01 A “sucking chest wound” is nature’s way of telling you to slow down. Murphy’s Laws of Combat 02 A clean (and dry) set of BDU’s is a magnet for mud and rain. Murphy’s Laws […]

I was nearing the final stages of my college preparation to become an elementary school teacher. During my Junior Year we were required to visit several classrooms of varying grades to get a feel for what we were getting ourselves into. Males in elementary education are a rarity and I soon learned that the children […]

Religious Joke 1 A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. “Leave us alone you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as […]

Knock Knock Joke 1 Knock Knock Who’s there ! Aardvark ! Aardvark who ? Aardvark a million miles for one of your smiles ! Knock Knock Joke 2 Knock Knock Who’s there ! Aaron ! Aaron who ! Aaron the barber’s floor ! Knock Knock Joke 3 Knock Knock Who’s there ! Abba ! Abba […]

Answer Me This Joke 1 What will fall on the lawn first? An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalogue? Answer Me This Joke 2 Do steam rollers really roll steam? Answer Me This Joke 3 Why do you need a driver’s licence to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Answer Me This Joke […]

A computer scientist, a surgeon, and a civil engineer were gathered at the pub. The surgeon boasts, Surgery is the oldest technology in the world. It’s in the Bible. God removed Adam’s rib while he slept. This is clear evidence that surgery pre-dates all other technological endevors. Without so much as a beat, the civil […]

Zoo Joke 1 A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet […]

Jane calls the doctor in a panic. “Doctor, doctor! My little Jimmy swallowed a dozen aspirin. What should I do?” The doctor asked Jane, “Are you sure it was a dozen?” The frantic mother says, “Absolutely! Doctor, I’m scared to death!” The doctor tells the mother, “Calm down. Is little Jimmy crying?” Jane says “No.” […]

A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, “Mummy, why is my name Petal?” The mother replied, “Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head.” The next baby walked up and asked, “Mummy why is my name Rose?” she […]

One day George W. Bush went out to dinner with a Jewish friend. The friend recommended a kosher place nearby. They arrived and Dubya’s friend ordered them both the house specialty: matzo ball soup. The waiter brought the bowls and George looked at the soup suspiciously, but his friend urged him to try at least […]

One day, a fairy visits a lonely widow and says that she is there to give her three wishes. ”I wish I was 21 and beautiful!” The wish is instantly granted. ”I wish I had a million dollars!” The wish is granted. ”I wish that my cat here were the most handsome guy in the […]

This old couple is ready to go to sleep so the old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, “Why are you going to sleep on the floor?” The old woman says, “Because I want to feel something hard for a change.”

It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his […]

How many Whigs does it take to light an oil lamp? One, and that person shall be President Andrew Jackson, hero of the Battle of New Orleans and Friend to the Common Man!

Redneck Jokes 801-900 Other Redneck Jokes Redneck Jokes 1 to 100 Redneck Jokes 101 to 200 Redneck Jokes 201 to 300 Redneck Jokes 301 to 400 Redneck Jokes 401 to 500 Redneck Jokes 501 to 600 Redneck Jokes 601 to 700 Redneck Jokes 701 to 800 Redneck Jokes 801 to 900 Redneck Joke 801 You […]

Two goldfish were in their tank. One turns to the other and says, ‘You man the guns, I’ll drive.’

Rowing Your Boat Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said “You know – it’s blondes like that that give us a bad name!” To this, the other […]

Yo Daddy Joke 1 My friends daddy is so dumb my friend was kicking a cardboard box down the street he said were getting evicted. Yo Daddy Joke 2 Yo daddy dick so lil if your mom was an ant she still couldn’t play with it. Yo Daddy Joke 3 Yo daddy dick so small […]

Not looking for Funny BNP Jokes, try the BNP Policies Debate for discussing the BNP. British National Party Joke 1 A former BNP security officer has been fined for naming 12,000 members on the Internet. Like many of you, I’m also shitting myself that my names popped up British National Party Joke 2 A member […]

Why did the chicken cross the road? ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no […]

Doctor And Nurse Joke 1 A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. “You aren’t so good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. “What took you […]

A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar and sees a picture of President Bush hanging behind the bartender. He calls the bartender over and says, “You should take that picture down. George Bush is a blight upon this nation. He should be impeached.” The bartender, a life-long Republican, is completely offended. “Why […]

This poem was written by John Saxon (an author of math textbooks). ((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0 Or for those who have trouble with the poem: A Dozen, a Gross and a Score, plus three times the square root of four, […]

A blonde goes into a library and says, “Hello. I’m here to see the doctor.” The librarian replies, “This is a library.” So the blonde lowers her voice and says, “Oh sorry!” Then whispers, “I’m here to see the doctor.”

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa.

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it. 19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind. 18. He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow. 17. It’s a game of inches. 16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it. 15. When you […]