Yo mama's so technologically unsavvy, she leaves out pieces of cheese next to the computer!

Said the Buddhist to the hot dog vendor: “Make me one with everything.”

One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them. The first lady had a stroke, the second one had a stroke, and the third one’s arm was too short to reach.

An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts. One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the […]

Lawyers get a lot of unjust criticism. I would remind you that it is not right to condemn a whole profession just because of 350,000 bad apples.

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass?” he asked the man. “I don't have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “Oh, please come […]

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was […]

The first set of many Doctor Doctor jokes. Doctor Doctor Jokes 1 Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone. Are you choking? No, I really did! Doctor Doctor Jokes 2 Doctor Doctor I think I’m a moth. So why did you come around then? Well, I saw this light at the window…! Doctor Doctor Jokes 3 […]

Aviation Joke 1 A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he’s afraid to wake the big […]

A dumb blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a dumb blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her that all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the […]

Teacher: We are descendants of Adam and Eve! Pupil: That’s not true! My dad said we are descendants of an Ape! Teacher: We are not talking about YOUR FAMILY!

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve strings here.” The string walks away a little upset and sits down with his friends. A few minutes later he goes back to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender, looking […]

Parent Joke 1 Murphy said to his daughter, “I want you home by eleven o clock.” She said, “But Father, I m no longer a child!” He said, “I know, that’s why I want you home by eleven.” Parent Joke 2 With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, […]

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. “I’m lost,” said the man.”Can you put me up for the night?” “Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but on one condition. […]

How does a redneck take a bubblebath? With water, bubblebath liquid and a Jeff Foxworthy CD.

There was this cat who loved to get drunk, who went to the bar on the other side of the tracks. He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk. The cat starts to stumble home, and when he came to the train tracks, he didn’t notice […]

Juan dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the American hell and asks the receptionist. Juan: “What do you have here?” Receptionist: “First we will put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then we will lay you on a […]

Q: How many US Attorney Generals does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: I cannot recall that particular answer at this time.

What is Helen Keller’s favorite color? Corduroy

Insect Joke 1 What goes hum-choo, hum choo? A bee with a cold ! Insect Joke 2 What is a bee’s favourite classical music composer ? Bee-thoven ! Insect Joke 3 What does a queen bee do when she burps ? Issues a royal pardon ! Insect Joke 4 Where would you put an injured […]

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant. “It’s in case I get shot. I don’t want you crew members to see blood and […]

What’s wrong with lawyer jokes? Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else seems to think that they’re jokes.

Witch Joke 1 What do witches ring for in a hotel? B-room service. Witch Joke 2 Did you hear about the witch who was ashamed of her long black hair? She always wore long gloves to cover it up. Witch Joke 3 How do warty witches keep their hair out of place? With scare spray. […]

you want to hear a joke? Women’s Rights Women’s Rights Joke Submitted by anon

What's dangerous and swings from trees? A monkey with a chainsaw!

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!” “What's the matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '”We weren't making love.” “Sorry,” said the sailor, “From […]

One day Pinocchio came to Geppetto with a problem. “Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters. What can I do about this?” “Have you tried sandpaper?” Geppetto asked. Pinocchio hadn’t, so he went to try it. Pinocchio, saw Geppetto a few weeks later. “How did the problem work out with your […]

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice – her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball […]

An Emo goes to the library and asks the librarian,’Excuse me, do you have any books on suicide?’. The librarian replies,’Well, we used to, but you F**kers never bring them back!’ Library Emo Joke Submitted by Kabogga