Two redneck brothers went downstairs for breakfast, where their redneck mother was cooking. ”What do you want for breakfast?” asked the redneck mother. ”Shit, I want some fucking pancakes,” said the first redneck brother. The redneck mother slapped him across the face. ”We don’t talk like that in this house. Now, how about you, son? […]

Three young boys were fighting over whose dad was the best. “My dad is so good he can shoot an arrow, run after it, get in front of it, and catch it in his bare hands.” “My dad is so good that he can shoot a gun, run after the bullet, get in front of […]

Why is it so difficult to find men who are caring, sensitive, and good-looking? They already have boyfriends.

No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid. Sing along with these new takes on old caroling favorites: – Good tidings we bring to you and your kid – Come, froggy faithful – You’ll tell Carol, “Be a skunk, I require” – Sleep in heavenly peas – Frosty the Snowman is a […]

Pig Joke 1 Why did the pig go to the casino ? To play the slop machine ! Pig Joke 2 What do you call a pig with three eyes? …A piiig Pig Joke 3 A city child came running into the farmhouse. “No wonder that mama pig is so big,” she yelled. “There’s a […]

A jock and a geek applying for the same job. The boss said, “Boys, you need to take a test before you can get this job.” So they took the test and the next day they came back to see who the boss chose. “Well,” he said, “Both of you got the same score except […]

An Irishman went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court,” said the Desk Sergeant. “No, no, no!” said the Irishman. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying […]

Bird Joke 1 A man with a talking parrot is getting married. On the day of the wedding he says to the parrot “Now look here, I know you are always sat in that window sticking your beak in, when me and my new wife get back from the wedding I want you to turn […]

– It’s impossible to believe that the sperm that created you beat out 1,000,000 others. – The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead. – If you were any more stupid, you’d have to be watered twice a week. – The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming. […]

Mouse Joke 1 One lab mouse to another: I’ve trained that crazy human at last. How have you done that? I don’t know how, but every time I run through that maze and ring the bell, he gives me a piece of cheese. Mouse Joke 2 What do mice do when they re at home […]

Police Joke 1 The Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him. “Name?” “Brendan O Connor.” “Same as mine. Where are you from?” “County Cork.” “Same as me……” The policeman paused with his pen in the air. “Hold on a moment and I ll come […]

Knock Knock Who’s there? Yo mama. Yo mama who? Yo blonde redneck mama who crossed the road to walk into a bar and screw in a lightbulb – you know your fat, dumb, drunk, crooked-politician lawyer mama, who pleasures 12 inch pianists.

A PROSPEROUS businessman propositioned a beautiful girl and she agreed to spend the night with him for $500. When he was ready to leave in the morning, he told her that he didn’t have any money with him but he would have his secretary write a check for it and make it out as “RENT […]

One day, at a bus stop there was a dumb blonde girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn’t get her foot high enough to reach to step. Thinking it would give her enough […]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping out one night. Tonto, after having a very bad dream, woke up to see the stars up above him. He woke the Lone Ranger and said to him, “What you think?” The Lone Ranger replies reassuringly, “Well, Tonto, it’s like this, God gives us miracles in life. Each […]

The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge’s chambers, demanding that the case to be reopened, the lawyer argued: “I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client’s defense.” Judge: “What new evidence could you have?” Lawyer: “My client has an extra $10,000 […]

Computer Joke 1 A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message. “Due […]

A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, “You don’t feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?”

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A young man is wandering around the zoo looking at the animals. He suddenly remembers about an appointment that he scheduled. Unfortunately, he forgot his watch. He searchs for someone who could give him the time. He sees a zoo keeper standing next to an elephant. “Excuse me, sir,” says the young man “Do you […]

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn. The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, […]

Music Joke 1 Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat minor. Music Joke 2 Q: What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won’t blow away? A: Root position cords. Music Joke 3 Q: How do you get 2 piccolos […]

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Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn’t have a lot of money. Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said ‘Hang on, I have an idea.’ He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage. Shamus said ‘Are you crazy? […]

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems okay but after a […]

Whats the best thing about dating homeless girls? You can drop them off anywhere after a date.

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot’s him.

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it.

In class when students say to me, “Are you Serious?” My reply is, “Yes… like the brightest star in the night-time sky, I am Sirius!”

An American and an Irishman were enjoying a ride in the Irish countryside when they came upon an unusual sight – an old gallows. The American thought he would have a joke on his Irish companion. “You see that, I reckon,” said he to the Irishman, pointing to the gallows. “And now where would you […]