Why did God give women arms? Do you have any idea how long it would take to lick a bathroom clean?

Billy’s homework assignment is to think of a true story with a moral so he goes home and thinks about it all night and finally has one. The following day, Suzy raises her hand first and says, “My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive […]

The French existentialist Jean-Paul Sartre was sitting in a cafe when a waitress approached him: “Can I get you something to drink, Monsieur Sartre?” Sartre replied, “Yes, I’d like a cup of coffee with sugar, but no cream”. Nodding agreement, the waitress walked off to fill the order and Sartre returned to working. A few […]

>>Healthy Question: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? Healthy Answer: Your heart is good for only so many beats, and that’s it. Don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of […]

Since the wife is eight months into her pregnancy, the husband has to sleep on the floor to avoid any chance of contact, which could happen pretty easily, since he had been desperate for quite a while. Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him & sees the poor guy curled up […]

There was a chicken and a horse playing together on a farm one day. The horse fell into a mud pit and yelled to the chicken to run to the house and get the farmer. The chicken ran to the house and the farmer was nowhere to be found. So, it got into the farmer’s […]

Knock Knock! Who’s there? Buddha. Buddha who? Buddha this slice of bread for me

Jordan Katie Price Joke 1 Frankie Boyle Jordan Joke: “Jordan and Peter Andre are still fighting each other over custody of Harvey. Eventually one will lose and will have to keep him.” Jordan Katie Price Joke 2 Frankie Boyle Jordan Joke: “I have a theory about the reason Jordan married a cage fighter, she needed […]

Dead And Dying Joke 1 A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, let it read Fred Brown died […]

Face Joke 1 What is grey and hairy and lives on a man’s face? A mousetache. Face Joke 2 Louise was watching her big sister covering her face with cream. “What’s that for?” she asked. “To make me beautiful,” came the reply. Louise then watched in silence as she wiped her face clean. “Doesn’t work, […]

Also see Yo Momma Jokes for another 400 yo momma jokes! Funny Yo Momma Jokes Yo momma so fat that she broke a branch of the family tree Yo momma so fat that she can’t tie her own shoes. Yo momma so fat that she dont need no airoplane to get to china she just […]

Funny Dog Picture This is one very funny picture of a dog.

How do you catch a polar bear? First dig an ice hole. Then put a whole bunch of little green peas on the outside, and when the polar bear comes to take a pee you kick him in the ice hole.

What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing there both stuck up bitches Tampon Joke Submitted by Jason

No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid. Sing along with these new takes on old favorites: Funny Christmas Carol 1 Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly Funny Christmas Carol 2 He’s makin’ a list, chicken and rice. Funny Christmas Carol 3 Later on we’ll perspire, as we dream by the fire. […]

Knock ! Knock! Whos there? Irish. Irwish you would let me come in Irish Knock Knock Joke Submitted by Spencer Brown

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you? A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your […]

What is the similarity between a shrimp and a man? You can enjoy all but the head. What is the similarity between a microwave oven and a man? They both get hot in 15 seconds. Why can’t a man be both handsome and intelligent? Because that would make him a woman. Why is a man’s […]

Secure Computing Jokes 01 Don’t buy a computer. Secure Computing Jokes 02 If you do buy a computer, don’t plug it in. Secure Computing Jokes 03 If you do plug it in, sell it and return to step 1.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, if they’re small enough.

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this beautiful young lady sitting next to him. “Hello there,” says the man, “and what is your name?” “Hello,” giggles the woman, “I’m Stacey. What’s yours?” “I’m Jim.” “Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight? I mean, right now??” “Sure!” replies […]

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?” The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord […]

Funny Sex Joke 1 Did you hear about the gay rabbit? He found a hare up his ass. Funny Sex Joke 2 Did you hear about the gay truckers? They exchanged loads. Funny Sex Joke 3 Did you hear about the guy who died of Viagra overdose? They couldn’t close his casket. Funny Sex Joke […]

Redneck Jokes 601-700 Other Redneck Jokes Redneck Jokes 1 to 100 Redneck Jokes 101 to 200 Redneck Jokes 201 to 300 Redneck Jokes 301 to 400 Redneck Jokes 401 to 500 Redneck Jokes 501 to 600 Redneck Jokes 601 to 700 Redneck Jokes 701 to 800 Redneck Jokes 801 to 900 Redneck Joke 601 You […]

What do you call a psychic midget who just escaped from jail? A small medium at large!

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever. The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, and a minute […]

A very sick man is in the hospital, and on many drugs which give him bowel problems. After many false alarms, he accidentally craps himself. Very embarrassed, he balls up the sheets and throws them out the window, where a drunk is staggering on the way home. The drunk starts flailing at the sheets, throwing […]

Funny One Liner Joke 1 A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. Funny One Liner Joke 2 A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. Funny One Liner Joke 3 A closed mouth gathers no foot. Funny One Liner Joke 4 A conscience is what hurts when all your […]

Three explorers were hiking through a vast forest that would eventually become Canada. “You know,” said the first explorer, “we should name this vast forest we’re hiking through.” “I know,” said the second explorer. “We’ll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that.” “Good idea,” said the third explorer. “You go […]

A man went to see his doctor. “You need to stop masturbating,” the doctor said. The man asked, “Why?” The doctor replied, “Because I'm trying to examine you!”