A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, […]

Yo Mama So Smelly Joke 01 Yo mama so smelly an old blind geezer walking by asked her ‘yo, how much for the shrimp platter?” Yo Mama So Smelly Joke 02 Yo mama so smelly even sewer rats get outta her way Yo Mama So Smelly Joke 03 Yo mama so smelly even the dogs […]

What’s the first thing to come out of a man’s penis when he has sex? The wrinkles!

Women’s Funny Profound Saying 1 A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn’t really care. Women’s Funny Profound Saying 2 Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes! Women’s Funny Profound Saying 3 I gave up jogging for […]

A teacher asks her class, “If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?” She calls on little Johnny. “None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.” The teacher replies, “The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking.” Then Little Johnny […]

A lawyer had successfully handled a difficult law case for a wealthy friend. Following the happy outcome of the case, the friend and client called on the lawyer, expressed his appreciation of his work and handed him a handsome Moroccan leather wallet. The lawyer looked at the wallet in astonishment and handed it back with […]

Q: Why did the dumb blonde keep a picture of herself in her room? A: So she could use it as a mirror.

Heaven And Hell Joke 1 A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. “Sure,” GOD says, “Go right ahead”. “OK,” the man says. “Why did you make women so pretty?” GOD says, “So you would like them.” “OK,” the guy […]

“Dad,” said Little Johnny, “I’m late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?” The father said irately, “Son, it just wouldn’t be right.” “That’s okay,” replied Little Johnny, “but you could at least give it a try, couldn’t you?”

yo mamas so stupid i told her lets go hit the dance floor and she literally hit the dance floor and repeate yah yah yah yo mamas so stupid joke Submitted by yo dad

Funny Interesting Quote 01 Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. -Phyllis Diller Funny Interesting Quote 02 Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. […]

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display. Boy: “Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?” Dad: “Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights.” Boy: “So, why do they make packs of three?” Dad: “For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights.” Boy: […]

What’s the difference between out-laws, and in-laws? Out-laws are wanted.

Yo Momma Joke 01 Yo Momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in! Yo Momma Joke 02 Yo momma so bald head she put a weave cap on and it weave her cull Yo Momma Joke 03 Yo mamma is so fat, her husband has to stand up in bed […]

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. “Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?” His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, “I’ll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask […]

What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys? Rhesus Pieces.

Irish One Liner Joke 01 Q. “I hear Murphy died, ” said Pat. “Was he ill long?” A. “No,” said Mick. “He died in the best of health.” Irish One Liner Joke 02 Q. “O’Ryan,” asked the druggist, “did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife Bridget’s appearance?” A. “It did surely,” replied O’Ryan, […]

Dirty jokes, not suitable for young children. Dirty Joke 1 ———– Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, “Well, tonight’s the night we have sex!” And so they did. As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, “My God, if I knew […]

Tax day — April 15 — was looming when an elderly woman showed up at the IRS. She said she required a thick stack of tax forms. “Why so many?” the clerk asked. “My son is stationed overseas,” she said. “He asked me to pick up forms for the Marines on the base.” “You shouldn’t […]

Johnny comes back from school crying and says, “Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head.” His mother replies, “No you don’t Johnny. You have a hideously deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings.”

How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Californians don't screw in light bulbs they screw in hot tubs.

A thief stuck a pistol in a man’s ribs and said, “Give me your money.” The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said “You cannot do this, I’m a United States Congressman!” The thief said, “In that case, give me my money!”

Funny Voicemail Message 1 Hi you reached your name and I’m not here. Leave a message.. BEEP.. Seconds later say “HAHA, that was a fake beep created by my mouth. I fooled you good!” Funny Voicemail Message 2 A is for A, B is for Beer, C is for C, D is for Drunk. Call […]

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: ”Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ”love, honor and obey” and ”be faithful to her forever,” I’dappreciate it if you’d just leave that out.” He […]

Baby Sleeping With Dog Picture Caption Please add your funny picture caption below.

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he''''d been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton.” The Marine replied, “Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and […]

Romantic Lines Joke 01 I love your smile, your face, and your eyes Damn, I’m good at telling lies! Romantic Lines Joke 02 I see your face when I am dreaming, That’s why I always wake up screaming. Romantic Lines Joke 03 I want to feel your sweet embrace, But don’t take that paper bag […]

Baby Eating a Watermelon Funny Picture Caption Funny what babies do with food, so give us your best funny caption for the image above.

School Joke 1 Teacher: What’s 2 and 2? Pupil: 4 Teacher: That’s good. Pupil: Good?, that’s perfect! School Joke 2 Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is? Pupil: I expect it’s around Hadrian’s garden miss! School Joke 3 Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour? Pupil: Because it […]

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. -You can always find a chainsaw when you need one. -Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it””s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside. -An electric fence, powerful […]