Dentist Joke 1 A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging. Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn’t all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and […]

One day, an old lady went to the Bank of Canada with a large bag full of money. The old lady insisted on speaking to the president of the Bank in order to open a savings account because, she said, she had a lot of money. After much discussion an employee took her to the […]

Lawyer Joke 1 A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. “Which side is it best to lie on?” she asked. “The side that pays your fee,” replied the doctor. Lawyer Joke 2 A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense’s […]

Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School? A: A lobotomy.

What’s the difference between an in-law and an outlaw? Outlaws are wanted.

Yo Momma so Fat Joke 01 Yo momma so fat after a night of next i rolled over and burnt my ass on the light bulb. Yo Momma so Fat Joke 02 Yo momma so fat and dumb she brought a spoon to da superbowl Yo Momma so Fat Joke 03 Yo momma so fat […]

The British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s “206’s”…. – His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. – I would not breed from this Officer. – This Officer is really […]

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died. “You know,” Mom said, “it’s not your fault that the dog died. He’s probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.” Susie, still crying, said, “What would God want with a dead dog?”

“The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill to build a 700-mile fence along the Mexican border. Apparently, the idea is to keep Mexicans from getting back home.” –Conan O’Brien “A new season of ‘Survivor’ debuted tonight featuring the controversial idea of separating the tribes by race. The Asian tribe is called Puka Puka, the […]

Christian Joke 1 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given. Christian Joke 2 A forbidden fruit will create many jams. Christian Joke 3 Come in and have your faith lifted. Christian Joke 4 Give God what’s right — not what’s left. Christian Joke 5 God answers Knee-Mail. Christian Joke 6 God didn’t promise a […]

What does pinochio and Justin Bieber have in common? They both want to be real boys!!!! Justin Bieber Joke Submitted by leslie aboytes

Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. Anthony lives with a female roommate, Maria. During the course of the meal, Momma can’t help but notice how pretty Anthony’s roommate was. She had long been suspicious of the relationship between the two, and this made her more curious. Over the course of the […]

Marriage Joke 1 A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. What’s up? he says. I m having a heart attack, cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as […]

Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, “Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that’s going around?” The other cow answers, “Yeah, makes you glad you’re a penguin, doesn”t it?”

What has four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it drops out of a tree, it’ll kill you? A pool table.

My wife was shopping at laredoute.co.uk and under the t-shirt section she came across a little bug. On this page laredoute.co.uk/clothing/Short-sleeved-T-shirts.aspx?CategoryId=17512698&&&Path=17512698%2f17513229%2f17513242&ChmCatId=17513242&Selected=5 there’s a top “LE COQ SPORTIF 2 in 1 T-shirt” advertised at £47.96. When you hover over the image a pop up window appears with further information, sometimes (you have to keep moving on […]

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. […]

How do you know if the head chef is a clown? When the food tastes funny.

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. He told his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take […]

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?” “No,” said his mom, “Of course not.” Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay, we can play that game again!”

An affluent couple gets into an argument over dinner. “If you could cook,” said the husband, “we could fire the chef.” “If you could screw,” replied the wife, “we could fire the driver.”

A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, please stand up.” Right away, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, “Why do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?” “I don’t, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all […]

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, “See […]

Christmas Cracker Joke 1 A Man goes to see his Doctor and says: “Doctor I have a lettuce stuck in my bottom.” The Doctors takes a look and replies: “That’s only the tip of the iceberg.” Christmas Cracker Joke 2 A Man goes to the doctor and says: “Doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck up […]

Space Joke 1 What do you call an alien starship that drips water? A crying saucer ! Space Joke 2 What do you call an overweight ET ? An extra cholesterol ! Space Joke 3 President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. “Mr. President,” said the four-star general, barely […]

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding one day when suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realize that one of them is going to have to tell Steve’s wife. Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, […]

A man and his wife were on their honeymoon. The husband took off his pants and handed them to his wife. “See if they fit.” “They don’t.” “Now you see who will wear the pants in this house.” She thought a little while, and took off her panties and asked him to try them on. […]

This Christmas naughty children will be getting some Euros instead of that expensive lump of coal. Christmas Euro Joke Submitted by Sahta

Vampire Joke 1 Why did the vampire attack the clown? He wanted the circus to be in his blood. Vampire Joke 2 Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for the ladies? He used to keep it in his back pocket. Vampire Joke 3 What is Dracula’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines. Vampire Joke […]

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50? A: Your honor.