A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he’s innocent and, if he didn’t believe […]

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he […]

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive''s wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, “…and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.”

Book Title Joke 1 How to Feed Elephants by P. Nutts Book Title Joke 2 Aches and Pains by Arthur Ritis Book Title Joke 3 The Spicy Sausage by Delia Katessen Book Title Joke 4 The Punished Schoolboy by Major Bumsaw Book Title Joke 5 The Long Walk Home by Miss D. Buss Book Title […]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: […]

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car. He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour. The chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile of running the chicken ran […]

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the […]

Internet Joke 1 What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist. Internet Joke 2 Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Exactly five hundred. 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed. 7 […]

Men Joke 1 A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the […]

“Happy Birthday to Fay Wray, a wonderful actress. She was, of course, in the movie ‘King Kong’ and would have been 99-years-old today. She was famous because of her love interest with a giant ape, and, wait a minute, that’s Maria Shriver.” –David Letterman

What did the redneck do with his his first fifty-cent piece? He married her.

Q: Why can’t dumb blondes make ice cubes? A: Because they always forget the recipe.

Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer’s day? A: I’m bacon!

Teacher: “Pedro, use ‘deposit’ in a sentence.” Pedro: “Easy lang ‘yon Ma’m, D’ posit is leaking.” Teacher: “No, no, no, you got it wrong, let me explain it to you further. You know …..BANK…..DEPOSIT….. see the relationship…. …BANK …….DEPOSIT…..?” Pedro: “Oh, I got it.” (na-intindihan ang ibig sabihinng teacher) Teacher: “Okey, I’ll give you another […]

There is a Bar in Calumpang who have has a Horse and they have a contest of it. Whoever will make the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free drinks. So a man from Manila comes in and the Bartender looks at him and he ask for a beer and he ask the Bartender about […]

yo mama is so stupid that she was so fat that she couldent fit throuh the freaking door yo mama is so stupid and fat joke Submitted by anon

Would a Police-Dog arrest itself for fouling the street? Police Dog Joke Submitted by Kabogga

Animal Truism Joke 01 I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult? Animal Truism Joke 02 If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them. Animal Truism Joke 03 In order to keep a true perspective of […]

Three Doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ”I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.” Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ”I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.” Doctor Ahn says, ”I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable.”

Two retired professors were vacationing with their wives at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting on the veranda one summer evening, watching the sun set. The history professor asked the psychology professor, “Have you read Marx?” To which the professor of psychology replied, “Yes and I think it's these pesky wicker chairs.”

The post graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?” The post graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?” The post graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?” The post graduate with a Philosophy degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

Old Age Joke 1 Q: Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair? A: She wanted to rock and roll Old Age Joke 2 An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags […]

A man walks into a pub and says, “Give me three pints of Guinness, please.” So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold, […]

YO DADDY SO STUPID THAT WHEN HE WIPE HIS ASS HE THOUGHT IT WAS CHOCOLATE YO DADDY SO STUPID HE THOUGHT HE LOST HIS DICK YO DADDAY SO GAY THAT HE DRAGGED HIS WIFE TO THERAPY TO TALK ABOUT FEELINGS YO DADDAY FEET IS SO BIG THAT PEOPLE THOUGHT HE WAS BIG FOOT YO DADDY […]

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. “Why?” asks the father. “The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ and I said ‘6’” “But that’s right!” “Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?’” “What’s the blankety-blank difference?” “That’s exactly what I said!”

Elephant Joke 1 Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant’s toes? A: Slow clowns. Elephant Joke 2 We re going to play elephants and circuses, said a little boy at kindergarten, Do you want to join in? I d love to, replied the teacher. What do you want me to do? Elephant Joke 3 […]

How many Victorian ladies does it take to change a lightbulb? One hundred. One to replace the bulb and ninety-nine to contract consumption and die beautiful, poetic deaths

Aardvark Joke 1 What is uglier than an aardvark? Two aardvarks! Aardvark Joke 2 What does the aardvark call his dog? Aard-bark! Aardvark Joke 3 What is the difference between an aardvark and a coyote? One has a long smeller, the other, a loud yeller! Aardvark Joke 4 Who loves hamburgers, French fries, and ants? […]

A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, "If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to […]

Barack Obama Jokes have come a long way, from the great black hope for black African Americans to the IT joke that was the launch of Obama-Care, we’ve seen it all. Barack Obama Jokes Obama Joke 01 Bill Clinton said, “I didn’t inhale.” Barack Obama says, “I didn’t inject.” Obama Joke 02 Richard Nixon said […]